Month: October 2000

So you thought you might like to, go to the show. To feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow. Tell me is something eluding you, Sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see? If you wanna find out what’s behind these cold eyes, you’ll just have to blow your way through this disguise. -Pink

Day 3 of sobriety and im having nightmares now. Stupid drugs. I keep having this dream where im have all these strangers hostage and the cops have me surrounded in this small warehouse. I shoot a bunch of the hostages and then all these plain clothes detectives storm in and i get shot in the chest like a dozen times, then i wake up. Yeah. Then i go back to sleep and i have another nightmare that im working at Stream again but in all the cubicles around me are filled with my ex-girlfriends insted of the normal scary people there. Ian says it’s because of de-tox but i’m not sure. I’m also helping Ian quit smoking while i quit everything i know and love. Theres nothing quite like holding the ciggeretes for a trained fighter and having to say “no, you’ve already had your 3 for today”. I’m scared im going to have to defend myself. I start taking a ju-jitso class in a week so i’ll be able to keep Ian to his non-smoking path.

I really need to be more careful about what music i listen to on the way to work. We were listening to Rage Against The Machine’s 2nd album while on the interstate today and i ended up going 110mph the entire time. I could tell ian was a little scared when i cut across 6 lanes while going down hill because the llamas tried to box me in. Then when we were exiting th 405 i pulled some mad skillz out and missed this utility truck by about a foot. Then when i told Ian that i wasn’t sure if that was going to work he sighed a sigh of relief. Crazy ole toad. Hehe, a few days ago, we were driving to work on the interstate and there was a bunch of construction on the 210(as usual). They had a whole line of road cones blocking off the far right lane. I changed lanes over to the middle and kept driving. Then i saw the last cone at the end of the line. I scream “DIE ROADCONE!” and accelerated up to about 100mph and nailed the last road cone. We watched it crumple under the mightly force of the Horemobile and saw it’s broken corpse in the rear view mirror. It was great.

mp3 of the day: Rage Against The Machine – Roll Right.mp3

firma tera: legoland + toad + acid = total disaster

Hmm, ya think i would have learned after i took a xanex after doing tequila shots and drinking a forty and THEN calling Annie but noooooooo, lets try taking some else’s prescription medicine one more time, just to make sure it’s not for me. Im standing at stop light going to McDonalds when the Clariton D kicks in and my hand starts twitching. Now im typing to keep it from twitching but im typing really fast and not really making any complete sentences. Period, there, yah ahahahaha.

Oh well, record number of articles converted at work and im updating my page, maybe i should start taking this stuff daily. No wait, see, damn it, aslkdjfldf. Hehehe, this morning i went to Pasadena county jail to bail out a friend of mine.

I’ve been talking to this girl online lately named Natalie. My attempts to seduce seem to fail everytime but shes talking to her mom about me so thats either a good sign or a bad sign. Good sign, she thinks im cool. Bad sign, talking to her mom about a restraining order.

I’m really strange. I have problems. Drugs arn’t the answer but they seem to be a good question. But beer, beer is the answer. But by itself.

mp3 of the day: Sublime – Right Back.mp3

NatTheSex: my mom call’s you “chicken”, she can’t remember “toad”!!

Last i was feeling awfully depressed for reasons im not going go into, so after about 3 hours of laying on my mattress listening to music and waiting for death, i informed Ian that i was going to go to the Dollar Store. The Dollar Store near my apartment is deep within the heart of a mexican ghetto so Ian replied that if i didn’t come back in a hour that he would come out and look for me. The Dollar Store really is a great place because im beginning to use it to curb my American instict to purchase lots of things. So i wander through the Dollar Store picking up random things off the shelf just to see if i can scare Ian with my apartment full of crap.

Last night i bought:
1 measuring cup
1 kitchen towel with a cow on it
2 Baby Ruth Bars(one i gave to ian out of the blue)
1 pair of socks
1 oversized baseball card of Lance something or other(which i put in the bathroom above the toilet)
1 glass bowl

Then after i found out that i need to put Mac And Cheese in for 14 minutes, insted of 12. Ian and i sat on the couch, dined on Pikacho(sp) Mac And Cheese and watched Interview With A Vampire. Then after 4 glasses of wine the Pikacho came back up. I threw up in a cooler which happened to be next to my bed and i saw lots of bloody looking pikacho’s staring back up at me in the dim night light. Damn my lack of digital camera, hehehe.

mp3 of the day: Sublime – 40 oz to freedom.mp3
ToadwaysOpen: *hugs*
ToadwaysOpen: *unzips pants*
coolguyrna: no
ToadwaysOpen: im going to give you the choice i never had
coolguyrna: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So im eating dinner last night with Ian, Candie and my friend from memphis, steve. We’re all enjoying our milkshakes and my good friend Ian remarks about the depressed look on my face. I explain to Ian that i am suffering from post-concert depression. Ian inquires what that may be. I explain to my young friend Ian that after every single concert or event which has thousands of attractive women, i get depressed. Ian is confused, it doesn’t make sense, why would toad be depressed after seeing a bunch of hot chicks? I explain further. Ian soon understands that after i see all these hot women and i come home to my apartment and lay down on my mattress, i am alone. I am alone on that mattress. All those hot chicks that i saw at the concert are not alone on their mattress. They are with other guys. After Ian sees this, he remarks that my mindset is “fucked up” and that i am “weird”.

So i want all of you people who read my site(except my mom) to cracktoad@crackhore.com and tell me if that depression is “fucked up” or “weird”. Thanks, hehehe.

Friday while installing a simple soundcard cable, i broke my c drive. All the pins were bent severely and it made a horrible painful sound when i turned it on to see if it would possibly work for a few minutes. What a great way to find out God hates you. BAM, your harddrive is gone. Everything for the past year written down, all the mp3s, everything. Gone. Most people now like to wittingly say “heh, do you have a backup?” knowing full well that backups are for little wussy girls who arn’t man enough to buy a new harddrive. Fags.

After this last work week i am more convinced that if Ian and i go another week without internet access, things are going to get bad. Last Wednesday after a long day at work we got drunk and stared at each other until Ian yelled at me and told me go to bed. That was at 9pm. Then the week before that it was toad

I was going to surpise whats left of my fans with a great update today with a editorial and everything but i copied the editorial to a floppy disk and then left the disk at the Crackcave. Damn.

On another note, i need to meet more friends. It’s great having Ian here because when i get that power cable for my camera i’ll have a partner in crime for a few projects have i planned. Only one of them is technically illegal so i should be able to write about them. Yeah, anyway, so ian and i have been pretty bored. Tuesday we had a bad day at work so we came home, drank a forty by the porch, went inside and stared at each other for about a hour and then went to sleep. I need to meet some more women too.

I’m really excited about Steve coming to Memphis this weekend. Steve is one of those people you meet and you realize they arn’t like everyone else. I don’t know all you normal people have friends that just seem like comic book heros but it definetely adds to the richness in life.