guess the end is almost near

Well, it’s officially thanksgiving and I officially have nothing to be thankfull for.

So today the car place that replaced my head gaskets call me and and tell me the car is done. Yay, i can finally get back on with my life, leave my parent’s and go back to my apartment.

My mom and sister went to go pick up the car while i’m at work and was planning on having it here for me when i got home.

She gets about 5 miles away, overheats, and now the engine light is on(wasn’t on before).

I guess that was $800.00 well spent.

I call the guy, ask him wtf, he says bring it by Thursday and they’ll take a look at it on Friday.

This will most likely be a “ooo you need to do this instead, my bad, that’s going to be another $800, but that will definetely fix it” kind of scenario. I’m not sure if he realizes it but since i’ll most likely get canned if i can’t get to work, i’ll have plenty of time to sit outside his business with a descriptive sign regarding my experience with him. At least at the Ford dealership i only got screwed out of $30 instead of $800…..

I don’t really believe in suicide but fuck, when the equation of life stops working, you start to get a little bummed. You need a car, to get to work, to pay rent, to have a place to go when you get off work. The idea of saving money and buying things for people and myself has been something i havn’t done in almost half a decade. I think the fact that i got this good contract, i thought i was going to get out of debt, and actually buy my loved ones something for Christmas.

But now I have no car, my first paycheck has gone into a car that probably won’t be able to be fixed and I’m going to be living at home until after the new year. Happy thanksgiving.

The best part is i’ll still be paying rent for my apartment in midtown which i’ll probably only get to be at for 1-2 days out of the week. I’m not finished yet.

The guy that has been building my del sol for the past, i dunno, like 4 months is not returning my aim msgs or phone calls so i probably got screwed by him too.

I can’t help but start to lose my faith in humanity.

I guess i wouldn’t feel so depressed except:

a) this is all my fault for being such a fuck up, you can say it’s not my fault but it is, i can prove this on a etch a sketch.

b) i can’t remember a single time in 24 years that i have been this bad off and i don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. the worst part is after this contract that im working on is up after the beginning of the year, i’ll have no work, no car and no plan.

c) no one will admit that the first 2 things listed are 100% true, regardless of what they think

I guess it could be worse. My superior at work happens to live close to my parent’s house and i might be able to bribe him with gas money and lunches to take me to work and take me home everyday. Despite me ruining my life, my parents have agreed to let me stay here until the contract is over, so i guess it’s not all bad. I think what’s depressing is i know lots of people who’s lives are going forward, saving money for the future and making plans to improve their life. I tred water, try to figure out what the fuck to do.

It bothers me that i used to have a funny website about the wacky adventures i would get into. The only reason i’m updating it anymore is because it’s easier to just give people a url when they ask me why i’m so depressed. I also look at this site as a blackbox for my plane wreck of a life. After my funeral people will be able to go to this site and go “oh wow, okay, damn, yeah i understand why he did it now”.

Oh well, i have 4 prescription pill bottles on the desk that i stole from my parent’s cabinet, time to hit up and see if i can use any of these to get fucked up on and maybe actually get some sleep for a change.

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