“dad you’re going to need to narrow that down”

so the other day my phone rings…it’s my dad….i have a pretty good relationship with fathertoad…he says “have you done anything lately that i need to know about?”

I’m sitting here with a cigerette in one hand and a beer in other…”dad you’re going to need to narrow that down”

im not going to into any details but i feel like i need to write about this….i’m not a good person by any means….i treat people like shit, steal, lie, cheat, drink and i love knives but i’m not going to do anything thats going to get my family in trouble….

i live by a creed and try to only steal from corporations and people who have done me wrong. come on dad, give me some credit…..i know he probably reads this site so maybe thats why im writing this…i still feel insulted tho….

i am a demon set loose upon the earth to lower the standards

well it’s 7:30am.on a monday…im smoking a cigar, blaring tori and drinking a natural ice.

so im stalking this new girl…..i met her at tracks the other night and she made the bad mistake of talking to me and making eye contact with me….i got her phone number from michelle and vaguely remember calling her last night…..she’s so not attracted to me and it’s making it even more fun…

now i’m writing about her which makes it even worse. i hope my homeless girlfriend in nola doesn’t read about her….she might be the jealous type…..

anyway, this new girl is named lyndie…or linda…..i used the phrase “im going to keep calling until you have drinks with me”. i think i need to buy a book on how to flirt because after all that time with valerie i got a little spoiled. it’s bad because i know you should not use the word “im stalking you” when you call a girl…..

she’s going to wake up hungover and naked in my bed.

a very good point

I was talking to Caryn about Laura(my homeless new orleans girlfriend in case you havn’t seen the other posts) and she made the very good point of if she ever finds this site and all the weird shit i’ve wrote about her, it’s going to really kill my chances.

I quote, “even a homeless girl would think this is creepy”. I agree…..yet the posts about her keep coming…..i wonder what she’s doing right now…..okay wow i really need to stop this update.

beer matters, when everything is meaningless

God, last night’s Sidestreet adventure was such a blur. I woke up and looked at the pictures and think this one kinda speaks for itself. When i first got there the entire red bar side was empty so i sat and talked with the bartender. She was having a bad day and poured herself and me a shot of jager. The toast was to ourselves. Everyone was out in full force last night. I don’t remember if i had a good time but i’m smiling in most of the pictures so i guess so.

IMG_1791.jpg

Im starting to realize i have a problem. I’m turning into that girl who gets naked at bars. Except i’m not a girl.  I’ve been working out every morning when wake up and i guess this is my way of showing it off? I don’t know.

Tarrance gave me a ride home last night and then went downtown and came back with a 12 pack of Bud Ice, which i’m not in the process of finishing off. Friends with beer are friends indeed.

Levi just called me about a hour ago and he said he’s on his way. He said he fired a M16 from a foxhole yesterday said he didn’t do very well at it. Guess it’s good we’re not driving around in foxholes in Iraq….

It’s Friday and Levi is almost back to Memphis which means the anarchy will start again. Lets hear it for enablers!

total eclipse of the public embarassment

Last night Amanda called me and asked if i wanted to spend a night away from the computers. We head to Murphey’s for Paul, Paul, Chris and David’s band, 3 Man Riot.

 This was their first show….they played 2-3 really good songs and they blow out their amp. Their borrowed amp. One of the other bands playing lends them another one. Don’t ever lend them a amp. 

Then the night starts to spiral out…..went to Neil’s last night. I can’t avoid that place on Wednesdays….karaoke is the one vice i’ll never be able to shake…..

I open the book and it comes straight to Total Eclipse Of The Heart…..i know fate when i see it…i write it down and put “contest” on it. That puts me in the running to be in a contest they are having in a few weeks. People are singing some serious songs. Like really trying. Because they think they are good. Then toad comes up on stage.

I slur the first few minutes and then the shirt comes off. I don’t exactly recall what i did after that…i vaguely remember throwing my shirt at the karaoke lady, sliding across the stage on my knees, Whitesnake style…then stumbling off of stage.

Caryn gave me a ride home and i apoligized for the terrible things i said to her last Wednesday at Scott’s wedding.

I need to quit drinking.

I need to quit drinking.

I need to quit drinking.

Shit late for website meeting…at bar…

okay it’s confession time

i’ve decided that Laura is starting to effect my social life. I cannot refer to any girl in New Orleans without people going “dude u gotta get over the homeless chick”. Look, i met other girls while down there, it’s not just her.

It’s really funny how my friends, family and ex girlfriend don’t seem to be appreciating the new love of my life. It’s kinda like racism, but she’s white. Everyone making these huge generalizations like “dude she’s homeless”. She won’t be homeless when i go back to new orleans, find her, bathe her, shave her and make her fall in love with me. It’s like the Little Mermaid. Sorta. But with a homeless girl. That can breathe above water without selling her soul to Ursula(sp). Wow i can’t believe i just tied The Little Mermaid into this update.

Time to pour another glass of Jager and download the soundtrack.

Single life owns.

 

aim is the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug

Aim is the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug

Ugh so today i came across some great finds on memphis.craigslist.com. It really blows my mind that people are all about using craigslist to cheat on their husbands while on vacation. For some reason “I’m a Married Black woman who seeks a very handsome and generous white male for stimulation on on ALL levels. OH by the way….I’m not interested in divorcing. The right person will understand and be ok with that! I live in Georgia but travel to Memphis often. ” doesn’t turn me on.

This one tho, “I am an African American woman, 27 years old, career oriented, college educated and propotionately thick. ” easily takes the cake. WTF IS PROPOTIONATELY THICK?!!?! DOES THAT MEAN YOUR HEAD IS THE SAME SIZE AS YOUR ASS? Ugh i guess people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones but seriously. I mean if you’re “thick”, you probably shouldn’t be mentioning it on your craigslist page.

Then again I probably shouldn’t say shit.

drugs drugs drugs and don’t forget the websites

ugh okay i realize when i start to get redundant.

anyway.

this is going to be a intresting period of my life. stuck here for at least 6 more months. almost thinking about moving to somewhere in mississippi and getting a house for $400 a month because it’s MS.

I still hope i run into the homeless girl i met while down there. If we do see each other, it’s fate and she’s moving to memphis. A bic razor and a shower would make her a creature of beauty. It was so hot watching her pee under the overpass….if i see her this time tho then i know it’s for real.

If you love something you gotta let it go. Then when you see her begging for food and beer in the french quarter and she remembers you, then it’s meant to be.

I keep thinking about what my new orleans trip would have been like if she knew who i really was. I’d probably end up robbed and beaten without a way to get back to Memphis. Then again she might have been my soulmate.

I really need to let her go. I was eating lunch with levi and rachel last week and started ranting about how much i miss her in front of people i didn’t know. Naturally they don’t understand why someone could have such strong feelings for a homeless person.

I even told my parents about her. I did a lot of crazy shit while on my last business trip but the homeless girl adventure still keeps ranking in at #1. I can’t deny the fact that i think i now i have feelings for her because i can’t stop talking about it. Now i’m even updating my site about her.

Hi my name is toad and im a ummm..sicko?

I went to the liquid lounge tonight to stare at goth girls. It was worth the $5……the problem is im totally inempt at talking to people without a keyboard involved. I sit and make a to-do list for next week and draw weird faces on the paper. This isn’t healthy. I talked with a girl for a while and realized how old i am and how boring my life really is. Rules.

My good friend steve the other night was asking “what happend with valerie”. Kept going on and on about how much she loved me.  Thanks. just what i need is more doubt. People have no idea what was going on this relationship…only saw the bright shiney outside covering we had. Pretty ironic honestly.

blah blah blah, rant rant rant…..so tired of hearing it too….i really wish i could find out what i did wednesday night……i talked to caryn today and asked her again “what i said” and she mentioned something about me buying her boots. Awesome. Drinking until you black out = buying ex girlfriend’s boots?

Anyway, this update is starting to spiral downwards. My friend Wes gave me some good advice which i think we could all learn from. In regards to what i do with valerie, my work life, my personal life…he said just do whatever, because whatever you do is the right thing. Even if it gets me killed, then it’s the right thing at that time.

Okay ending this train wreck of a update. Peace.

suicide is the answer

People have been asking me whats been going on lately. I honestly don’t want to update because i’m feeling some serious guilt. Something about not having Valerie and this constant drinking….just has turned me into something i used to be or don’t want to be or shouldn’t be.

Scott’s wedding was beautiful………the pictures really kinda sum it up but it was really amazing. I’m so happy for both them and hope i didn’t do anything too bad at his wedding……

Here comes confession time. Caryn took me out after the wedding time and we apparently went to neils and the full moon club. I wish i could remember anything. I don’t even remember going to the car…….I saw her thursday night and she said “we’ll talk about what i said to her later”.

Awesome.

Life is totally fucked. I live in a overpriced apartment in a shit hole city that only reminds me of girl that loved me more then anyone else. I’m also still missing my car since my insurance company gave me a fraction of what my car was worth. We also have no idea what valerie is saying about me to anyone who will listen….all we have is the internet.

I need to move