yeah um

So Toad, we need to have a talk.

You are not fufilling yourself with women lately. I frequently describe my romances with females lately as a plane, flying perfectly okay. Like the female totally might be into this, it looks like it’s going well. Then the engines start to sputter.

The behind my date(plane) a nazi plane shows up. He takes aim. Oh god, i just told her that i’d fuck her if she was dead, but only after like a hour. The nazi shoots, we’ve lost the left wing. The famous toad wit fires back with fake confidence but then the nazi plane shoots the side of the plane and now i’ve lost both my gunners.

She’s getting up and leaving. The pilot of the other plane is like, “look, we’ve lost most of the crew so it’s just me and my co pilot”. They look at each other(i hug her as she’s leaving, thinking hmm maybe).

The plane crashes into the mountain. The pilot and copilot are killed instantly. The bodies of the crew members are instantly incinerated. The nazi strafes the crash site just to make sure none of the americans are left.

Nazi future non ex girlfriends. Zionist invaders. God im so fucking depressed. What sucks is i can actually take a step back and go “wow if you didn’t say fucked up shit, girls might like you”. Peter said the other day, after him and Kristy willfully offered up a sacrficial lamb(girl) to me. I, of course, get shot down by the nazi pilots.

Feel free to photoshop some world war 2 style “toad is going to start murdering pets if you don’t go out with him” posters.

Now to finish the rest of her wine, with her wine glass, listen to tori and go to sleep and have more dreams about being in a plane crash.

Now if that analogy lost you, josh has helped me with another one. He thinks my dating is more like 9/11. My date is going great and then suddenly people break out boxcutters. The people with boxcutters don’t exist tho. Because Cheney probably did this. I dunno, it’s tough to try and really compare 9/11 to my dates because i only have one of them at a time instead of 3-4 controlled demotions. And i don’t purposely blow up the buildings.

BigBabyOwlJesus: (amy) that wont get a sympathy fuck out of me
Toad: goes into the mountain
Toad: tell that cunt i wasn’t talking to her
Toad: i was asking you about my nazi dating metaphors, she already said no she’s cast into the fires
BigBabyOwlJesus: (amy) at least i got lots of company down here in the fire pit, it’s a big party
Toad: did that make any sense? i had a few people who are like “no i don’t get it”
BigBabyOwlJesus: honestly i did like the 9/11 metaphors better
BigBabyOwlJesus: but i understand it
Toad: yeah
Toad: i actually referenced that
Toad: in a aim window
BigBabyOwlJesus: it made sense to me
Toad: lemme add that
Toad: yeah but
Toad: who is cheney in this
Toad: maybe the inner me
Toad: i secretly plan it?
BigBabyOwlJesus: cheney is toad, michael is the hero on flight 93 that realizes what is going on and tries to call for help to stop it but dies anyways?
BigBabyOwlJesus: or maybe michael is the 911 widows cuz toad keeps him from getting laid?
Toad: i dunno
Toad: okay
Toad: added the 9/11 reference
BigBabyOwlJesus: shouldve just pasted the aim log from earlier lol
Toad: yah

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