awesome life is awesome

hehe Barry called me yesterday and said he’s coming in town, will be in that night, wanted to meet up for drinks. My afternoons usually consist of drinking so i was already pretty loaded by 7pm when he calls and says they are eating at felix’s, one of my customer’s i was actually at 8 hours later picking up money.

so i’m pretty drunk already and i walk to the bus stop because i figured in a awesome tactical maneuver, that i could pick up some popeyes and eat it at the bus stop so i would show up downtown both drunk and not hungry.

i purchase my chicken without issue and go sit down on the curb and eat my chicken. i’m sitting there just eating chicken, no headphones on cuz you don’t want anyone to be able to sneak up with you on magazine st at 8pm, especially while eating fried chicken. It hit me how awesome it is to be alive and single again. I make a mental note to add something to my okcupid profile about eating popeyes fried chicken on magazine st waiting for a bus.

i get on the bus and i’m feeling completely awesome now. There is a big black dude sitting in the seat across from me and it’s really hazy how it started but we had this huge epic conversation about women and how to treat them. He extended his hand in a fist and i bumped it properly.

I get off the bus and head to felixs where barry and his mystery date are eating. I purchase a beer at the unique grocery and walk in. I sit with them for a minute with the beer in it’s brown paper bag between my boots because i’m not going to open that in there. I might be their web designer but i’m not royalty. So i go outside and open it.

So there is this girl outside with menus trying to hustle people into the restaurant…i already had been kinda messing with her by picking up a knife off the table and asking her to do that thing where you stab the knife in between the fingers really fast. She wouldn’t do it.

I start asking her roughly what she makes there…i realize i can pay her more. I’ve been on the hunt for a really sassy little assistant and this has potential.

I’d also like to have sex with her.

I give her a card and tell her to call me.

I took Barry and his woman to flannigans…it’s totally empty…i drank X amount of PBR and we part ways. I somehow managed to on a streetcar with a unopened 24oz pbr…i show her that it’s not open, don’t worry, just for when i get home. I sit down towards the back and as soon as the streetcar starts moving i do my patented “pretend to sneeze while opening beer can” move that is patent pending. I woke up wearing the jeans and shirt i was wearing the night before and Silas the maids handler calls. He says “the girls” can come by in 30 minutes. I tell him to add to cart. Now i’m sitting here in my work clothes, blaring tori amos and finishing the PBR that was on the coffee table.

This is your awesome life and it’s ending one pbr at a time.