depressing memphis update

I am never driving myself down I-55 alone ever again. Megabus and enterprise rent a car when I get to Memphis from now on.

I did a amazing job at seeing almost all my old friends and but did miserable as a family member. Need to spend more time at parent’s house with parents instead of using it simply as a place to sleep in between drinking sessions with my old life.

To  be honest, i seriously sometimes wonder if my old childhood home is now kinda ruined after being pretty much forced to move back there a few years ago after losing everything. I had some super deep introspective drinking wine in the dark time a few times this trip and I can’t not feel like that house can sometimes symbolize a complete lack of control of life. Ugh that’s depressing.

I cannot put into words how much I hate making that drive. Every single second of it. I’ve tried audiobooks which help but didn’t really have a chance to get any loaded on the phones.  It doesn’t matter tho, it’s still 6 hours of fucking trucks blocking both lanes, driving through the nightmare state of Mississippi through holiday traffic. Megabus or amtrak, no more driving that. Next time i travel from new orleans to memphis i will have a fully charged laptop, headphones, alcohol and have the absolute time of my life traveling from one city to another instead of a introspective nightmare.

I seriously almost could feel the negative energy start to build up as I spent more time driving. Even if you are listening to a great audiobook while getting a blowjob you’re still fucking driving through mississippi. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s different if you have someone with you but it’s just long enough to be terrible.

I’m sure this just sounds like bitching but it’s really almost a mindset. Instead of spending basically the same amount of money on gas vs a rental car for a few days and a fun bus ride. You have to be a little careful in Memphis because the bus drops you off in a pretty shitty area but I could go into the bar nearby, order a beer, call a cab and be anywhere i need to be in a great happy mood.

Fuck, I forgot to buy bbq sauce. Okay on next trip.

Very excited about the beer bottling. Still need to add photos to previous post…moral of the story is update with photos in real time. Never know when it’s going to be your last update either.

I have been thinking a lot about the feeling of acceptance I’m trying to get with dying with nothing but a string of crying women. It all kinda started with Kelly and ended with Kendra. Just a series of REALLY bad mistakes. I sometimes wonder if it’s not a coincidence that this all happened while on wellbutrin. This whole stupid site is has always been about drugs and alcohol ruining my life but you have to wonder.

Time to wash off I-55 and try to get ready for the next scary few weeks.