too much time to think

Today was a pretty quality day, things done. Feelings had. Plans made.

Eric told me while I was in Memphis that he thought I was the happiest when I was working my gov contract. He said I had a purpose that my business never gave me. It actually made me really sad to hear it because it’s something I probably need to face. It’s time to put everything on auto pilot and do something else.

Not blogging.

Hard to monetize depression. That would look cool on a trucker hat. Maybe I’m underestimating myself?

Alarm is going off in 6 hours…going to be tired. Tired of laying awake and feeling miserable.

Really soon, maybe as early as tomorrow, I need to re-write my entire okcupid profile then replicate it on a few other dating sites and start just spending 15 minutes a day on the challenge of getting someone to meet you from the internet. I don’t take it personally getting rejected online…hell, i even try to move my rejection situations towards the easier route of text messaging. Tell me we are just friends over the phone via text, then we can smile and be friends next time and forget about how I liked you.

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The trick to feeling better about rejection is making it such a regular part of your life that you notice it missing and get upset and correct it.  Also quit buying alcohol and bringing it home.  Pushups every morning. Leg lifts too.

I need to hire the painters. I’ll drink less if I fix this.