December 2020

It’s scary shit. This is a new world we have been living in. Everyone is adjusting.

I’ll strangle the next person who says “when this is over”, this isn’t ever going to be over. It’s just going to be. We have to deal with it until we’re dead. The U.S. failed at stopping this. Someone posted the other day that this is as bad as a world war but it’s worse because in WW2 all the factories that built shit in europe were destroyed and the U.S. took over building shit because we didn’t get bombed by the nazis.

This time is different, the whole world was bombed, we are all fucked but we haven’t done a good job keeping our population safe.

I’m honestly just done with it. I shouldn’t type this outloud but I’m kinda just waiting to see what happens with me and Ginny over the next 10 months because New Orleans is the worst place to recover from this economic blow. Her lease ends in October and I have a mortgage that can be easily end. I also hate living in this prison of a condo building and the things that I loved about this city has disappeared because of covid.

The thing is….and this is terrible but as long as I have weed, alcohol, 90s music and a beautiful woman, I can live in a goddamn shipping container in the middle of the Atlantic/Pacific ocean. Like, let’s just fucking go, this city is fucked now and it’s not going to probably recover in our lifetime?

I dunno, that’s like 5,000 feet level thinking and I’m thinking about doing laundry, changing the sheets before Ginny comes over tomorrow.

I’ve also been getting really into making “wine”. I did 21 liters on Monday which is fermenting nicely in my wine cellar, aka, bathroom closet. I used to love home brewing beer but this is easier and more gratifying, faster, so here we go.

Anyway, I’m the happiest I’ve been in many years. I punished myself for a year after E and T. I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy because I’m kind of a shit person. Selfish, mean, whatever words people like to throw at me maybe they are right.

Or maybe they are just assholes. I strive to be happy. I’m not a incel in a sense that I think I deserve a woman, women only want what they want and as a person you have to try to achieve being someone that someone wants to be around. That means situps, leg lifts, pull ups, running and building fucking sites.

She loves me tho. I know it might be temporary and the feel of crackhore might change if things fall apart but I can’t not feel optimistic.