Okay, I should have wrote this down Sunday night after it happened but I just wrote “woman touching piss jeans” after telling this story to Ginny because she missed out…whatever this is.
So let me set the stage. We’re at a bar. I’ve just witnessed Tom Brady win a great game because the NFL is a fixed stupid piece of shit that I don’t even know why I waste my time watching it.
I do know why. My friend, let’s call him Byron, he’s my boy. I watched every Saints game last year and this year with him. He would stab me in the eye with a fork for one more season of Drew Brees to play but I love him.
So the entire night there is this woman dancing, just having a good time. Not young but not too old, it’s tough not to enjoy the acceptance of herself dancing around the bar and talking to people.
Eventually the bar starts to die down and a very non descript white dude walks in and starts to talk to her while she’s alone. My table just kinda looks back at the TV and Byron gets up to go pee.
He gets back and he can’t stop laughing. Byron is a…dry motherfucker, it’s tough to make him crack a smile but he is laughing. I want to know, tell me, what is it.
So now when he tells me this story, the obvious skeptic in me comes out but when I say “no dude stop fucking with me”, he didn’t make this up.
He tells me when he goes into the men’s bathroom the dude is pissing into the urninal but has the jeans and boxers all the way down.
Into the puddle of a hundred dude’s piss, just soaking it all up, like a piss tampon.
Byron goes into the only other stall that’s the actual toilet is and is trying to pee while laughing.
I seriously have never seen or heard of this outside of a movie/tv show and my mind begins to spiral.
Literally probably a hundred dudes pissed in that one urninal since there is only one plus the toilet.
He’s taking that chick home based on their touchy whateverness. She’s in the car with him and she’s running her hand down his piss soaked jeans.
Jeans soaked in Byron, well, not mine because I pee in the toilet with the seat up and flush using my boot, but ALL the people who won’t just piss in the toilet instead of standing in a puddle of dudes piss that I don’t even want to get on my fucking boots!!$@#$@#$@#$@#
Yeah, so I’m like live blogging this to Ginny the whole time like…just…
We all start discussing this, like where did life fail him to say…when you pee, especially when there is piss on the ground, just kinda hold one thing with one hand and the other with the other and it works out.
Fuck, now I’m sad, maybe he didn’t have a dad but…no, someone should have along the way, beat him up in highschool or said something in some other mutual pissing situation to just…
Also, it’s kinda socially okay to wear jeans until they, in my terms, smell like butthole, but like does he put those on the next day for brunch?