how to piss off a cashier

Nothing like coming home Sunday morning wearing the same clothes you were wearing Friday night. Things are different now yet still strikingly similar. It’s okay tho. I’d sell my soul, my self esteem, a dollar at a time, for one chance, one kiss, one taste of you my magdalena…….

How To Piss Off A Cashier
Heh, so me and this friend of mine stumble into a RiteAid at like 2am. Toad immediately grabs two cans of cheese balls, a mountain dew, and a Nutrageous. Toad pays for his purchase with a debit card. His conspirator buys a lighter and a pack of cigerettes. His total is $5.15 but yet he only has $5 in change which he pulled from the floor of the apartment. He pays the $5 and then asks the cashier if he can put the 11 cents on the debit card. She was pissed….toad ended up walking to his car and getting the 11 cents insted.

Need You To Feel This Way

Many people are wondering why i didn’t update yesterday. That’s cuz i went to bed to at noon and slept till 9:30am on Monday. Ph99r my mad sl33ping sk1llz. I have a rant forming in my mind as we speak which will be up on the site soon. Hehe. Btw, my mapquest.com directions ALMOST worked, hehehe it was scary, i was telling everyone, “dude, these directions are actually going to where we want to go??!” then they screwed up. 🙁 Stupid crackquest.

Well the NIN show was amazing. Ian that brit loving slut couldn’t go so i kidnapped a Diebold and on returning T and Annie were waiting for me on my porch. All i have to say about that is i wish i had a camera with me. The drive there was fairly uneventful and we got there about a hour early. A Perfect Circle walked slowly onto stage, played every single song i wanted to hear, it was great. In the beginning of my favorite song by them, Thinking Of You, everyone in the entire amputheatre turned around to see these huge gray clouds rolling in and the wind really picked up. It was amazing, like out of a movie, hehehe. Anyway, NIN came out to stage and began playing Terrible Lie. The whole show started out really great but they played way too many songs off the Fragile which really slowed the show down. I mean at the time when they were playing those songs, the show was really moving, etc but call me old fashioned, i like to see things smashed. In total, Trent only knocked over a speaker and like threw water alot. I wanted to get hit by a broken piece of a keyboard or something, lame. Another thing, the mosh pit was like a AARP convention. They just stood there for half the show and i didn’t see a single bloody person walking out. The trip back was weird to say the last. I kept breaking because i kept thinking the lights in the other lane were in mine, hehe. Everyone else thought i was seeing cops, hehe. Oh well, concert was really cool at the time but afterwards i thought about how he played too much Fragile which i don’t think anybody enjoys live.

HeavenLeig: What is your actual name?
sm0ketoad: mm, it’s toad
sm0ketoad: my parents were hippies
HeavenLeig: No, it’s not =D

Ph33r

Welp, site is up. Theres a project on Hore3 and like 3 more new rants but since windows 2000 threw up on itself early Saturday morning i lost alot of time. Luckily i backed up all my crap on a spare drive so ill just upload it when i return to the crackcave. Oh, i got mentioned on x-in.com, thats pretty cool. hehe. Oh and check this thing defdog did, warning, not for the weak of stomach/mind Rain.

In other news, im sick of people not understanding my humor. This picture for example is hilarious in my eyes. I mean, it’s a dead dog! Look at it’s legs! Come on! Funny! Yeah! I dunno. It even has a funny story behind it. Annie comes over and starts ranting about this amazing dead dog she saw on the drive into Memphis. It’s Sunday and im already feeling kinda weird after a weekend of prying open my 3rd eye and im up for something random.

So we drive out to the middle of no where, pull over and take pictures of this amazing dog. Monday morning i paste the link to everyone and no one seems to think it’s funny. Shrug.

Thinkhed:dood gross
werktoad:hehehe
Thinkhed:that is unneeded

Drive Across The Country

Day One:
After flying out to Las Angeles once to interview for a job, i came home and packed up my car and gave away most of my personal belongings and hit the road. Ian accompanied me, since he was going to probably work for the same company i was and also held the urge to get the fuck out of Memphis as i did. We had arranged for a place to stay in Dallas with one of Ian's aim friends(he didn't mention he had never met her in real life) and we took off. With Bad Fish playing on the stereo, we set sail. The first leg of the drive was a small one, only 9 hours to Dallas. We arrive, call Trisha on her cellphone and get directions to her house. We follow them from a gas station near their house and as soon as we walked in I knew this was going to be a interesting evening. Imagine this if you can, a apartment full of people, most of them just staring at the walls and floor, listening to very loud Trance in the dark with a strobe light as the only source of light.

After Ian gets everyone to tell him the drugs they were on, I sat down on the floor and was instantly handed a joint. This is what you would define as a rave cave, children. I stayed up most of the night smoking with a bunch complete strangers that were on more drugs then i could have ever imagined. After i purchased 2 exteremly potent hits of LSD from them, Ian told me that he was going to sleep. They escort us to a empty room that was “the cat's room” and gave us both pillows and blankets. I tried to fall asleep with the rave music blaring in my ears and tried to get comfortable sleeping when i finally decide to just go see what was going on in the other room. I sat, still exteremly stoned and watched Trisha and one of her friends take nitrous hits from whip cream containers in time to the rave music. Very bizarre. I finally fall asleep.

Day Two:
We wake up bright and early, shower and begin the deadly Day 2 of the drive to California. As we look for Trisha and her friends to say goodbye, we hear a chinking sound from the bedroom. We think “Oh, their eating cereal” but when we walk in we realize that that sound is not a spoon in a bowl of Frosted Flakes. It was really just the sound of a razor breaking out lines of cocaine on a plate. Not being the breakfast type, Ian and i say our goodbyes and hit the road. We drive and drive and end up stopping at a gas station for lunch. After chowing down some very unappealing gas station pizza, we continue. After about a hour Ian turns to me and says “Well maybe if we only take half a hit each, we won't be too twisted to drive.” Then at mile 135, I agree, reach down and eat half. Then after about a hour of waiting we decide to eat the rest. This probably wasn't a good idea.

Now like all good hallucinogens, it took a while to hit but when it did it was like God had parted the clouds and smiled down upon us. To this day, i have never found acid as strong as that. And of course, i eat it in my goddamn car. As soon as the effects started to take, we pull over to a random small gas station somewhere in Texas. We run in, Toad wearing his dad's fedora hat, sunglasses and his Stream name badge pinned to his shirt, looking for orange juice to heighten the effects of the already powerful blotter paper. We stood in line, toad watching the fake marble floor dance to a unknown beat when Ian taps me on the shoulder and points at a Gooey Tongue candy package. I punch him and tell him not to show me that shit when we get up to the counter. Ian looks up at the lady, pupils dilated and asks, sounding as stupid as possible, “Where are we?” The lady answers, we pay for our orange juice and vamp.

We drive, sorting through my cd's trying to find any music that is acid friendly when we have to stop for gas again. We're now deep in the heart of Texas and we stop at a non chain gas station again. We jump out of the car, Ian runs in to buy orange juice and water and i pump gas into my melting car. A few minutes later Ian runs out with a brown paper bag and a frantic look on his face and says “Go go go.” Apparently while inside the gas station, the locals kinda freaked Ian out. He said that they would talk to him in English then immediately turn and ramble something off in Spanish. It would have faced with me too. We speed out of the gas station and get back on the road again. We stare completely encompassed by the beauty of the desert and mountains and were totally blown away by the most beautiful sunset of our lives.

As the sun was setting, we pull over to get more gas at this very erie looking Texaco that was positioned on top of a huge cliff overlooking the interstate. I start pumping the gas and ian walks in to make a phone call. I stumble into the bathroom, stare at the dancing graffiti on the walls ad try to pee out some of the evil LSD. We hop back in the car, Ian asks what i want to listen to, i reply that i don't care so he opens up his cd case and pulls out The Wall by Pink Floyd.

The goddamn Wall. He thought it fit the scene, being all calm and peaceful but God did he choose poorly. I was okay until the line where Roger Waters screams “WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ME FLY!?! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ME TRY?!”. Now when tripping, you can understand energy levels a lot more then when you're sober and most importantly, your own energy levels. Mine had been kinda dragging after listening to Aenima and doubt started to flood my mind. And that one line roared by Roger pushed me into the bad place. I tell Ian i think it's time for him to drive, i pull over and he takes the reins of the mighty Horemobile. I sit, curled up in a ball in the front seat, hat pulled down low, just staring out into the darkness, completely terrified. We pull over again at a gas station/Subway and i sit down at a booth. Sitting there, Fedora hat still on, listening to Brittany Spears play over the speakers, staring at the guy in the booth across from me who was obviously staring at me.

Ian suggests that i try to eat something so i purchase a bag of Smartfood Popcorn and just sit there with a scared look on my face until ian returns with his meatball sub. I buy a 2 liter of milk, which would stop the effects of the acid and we drive off. Ian reminds me to keep note of the taste of the milk to make sure it doesn't go sour because food poisoning and LSD probably don't mix very well.

We drive on, toad curled up in a ball in the front seat when we pull over again to pee. Of course, we pick the most fucked up gas station to stop at. Outside they had all these fur products hanging from racks and inside they were selling boots and hats and all kinds of weird things made from the fur of various animals. Not something you wanna see while coming down off of acid. I tell Ian that i don't think i can go in there, he insists i can and i crawl out of the car and walk slowly in. I shuffle in, noticing that i can't feel my feet walking on the floor, pee and run out of that awful place, probably scaring everyone there.

Finally, the milk takes effect and i'm no longer scared. However, the strychnine that acid uses to push the LSD to your spinal column was still there. We drive for hours and hours in the desert, listening to Second Hand Smoke on repeat and spirits were high. The cool desert air was soothing and it felt like we could drive forever. But after another 6-7 hours i was having difficulties seeing and we stop in Flagstaff. We glide into a very nice hotel, the only one there, and ask for a room. The lady informs us that she can't rent a room to anyone under 21. This is bad. Fortunately, Ian trumps her with his fake id and we get a room. Thank god, because at this point we were both so mentally tired that we probably would have slept under the chairs in their lobby if they hadn't gave us a room. Since i'm not a veteran tripper, i laid awake for hours trying to fall asleep and staring at Ian who fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. I remember considering suffocating his sound asleep ass with that same pillow because i was so jealous that he could just fall asleep while i laid awake staring at the ceiling wondering if i was ever going to sleep again.

Day Three:
We wake up, shower and depart on the last leg of the drive. We arrive in LA that evening, got drunk and slept very well. I would later dose again on that same drive on the way back from LA since i felt like i had been defeated the previous time, having to drink milk. The moral of this story? Do not eat LSD in your car. Ever. Do not try this at home. Well, try it at home, just don't try it in your car.

whoops!

Before this little fun update i would like to announce a very special occurance. From the people who brought you delightfully rancid of crackhore.com have started on a new project. We recently purchased godhatesbaptists.com in order to make a parody godhatesfags.com which is owned by a Baptist Church. Hehehe.
Now this was funny. My break at work finally rolls around so i jump up and yell “It’s poopy time!” to my cube mate and then sprint across the office to the bathroom. I kicked open the door to the men’s bathroom(yes i wear men’s clothing at work) and ran to a empty stall and slammed the door behind me. I then proceded to do my little toady business(nothing strange here, normal pink urine, etc). I stand up to go wash my hands and then suddenly my name badge flies off shirt into the now “full” toilet, landing with a satisfying *thump*.

I screamed “SHIT!” in the half full bathroom and heard the snickers of my co-workers as they wash their hands. I sighed, realizing i was going to have to get that namebadge back somehow, rolled my sleeves up and begin to move my hand through the feces, toilet paper and urine looking for my name badge. I finally found the badge, pulled it out slowly and shook the piece of toilet paper which was clinging to it off and then opened the door. I neatly reattached my name tag back on my shirt and left calmly and quietly. I decided i didn’t need to wash my hands since they didn’t look dirty. Now my name badge smells different, it also tastes a little strange too. The moral of this story, always remove your namebadge before going in the bathroom.

NAZIS

Well i was thinking about switching hosts to Communitech, but they responded with this letter.

“We will not set an account up with the domain name crackhore.com. We do not accept any sites with domain names such as these. Please look elsewhere for you hosting services. Thank you!”

I received a letter later asking for me to phone them so they could setup the account

C R A C K H O R E . C O M

Welp, the load of homework wasn’t that bad from the 4 days of sick vacation. I got to see the new layout of hore.com viewed on another computer, my music history teacher. The image gallery is way too popular. hehe

Toady is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tailed eyes heading for North Dakota
Oh and I can see Toady waving goodbye
Hore it looks like Toady, must be the cheese in my sandwhich
They say North Dakota is pretty though I’ve never been
Well Toady says it’s the best place that he’s ever seen
Oh and he should know, he’s been there enough
Hore I miss Toady, oh I miss him so much
Toady my brother you are older than me
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won’t heel
Your cat has died but you see more dead animals than I
Toady you’re a star in the face of the sky
Toady is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tailed eyes heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Toady waving goodbye
Hore it looks like Toady, must be the cheese in my sandwhich
Oh Hore it looks like Toady, must be the cheese in my sandwhich