The United States Of Pug

The United States Of Pug is a controversial piece of art because it depicts 8 stripes, instead of the standard 13, which happen to stand for the 8 colonies of Chinese pug dogs that were eradicated in the early part of the 1500’s. Situated off the West coast in what is known as modern day Sacramento, the pugs landed and set up 8 colonies and began trading with local Indian tribes. They were soon wiped out by the white man’s expansionist ideas and have faded from history.

Status: Sold $1,000.00 

Owner: Private collector

Location: Collierville, TN

What has happened

Lets see…had to open up the site in another tab and read where i was last time i posted here.

Okay I mentioned Kendra in the last update and that was a while ago and that’s still going well.  She has introduced me to so many things that I now consider great. Plants, sushi, pho. Just some of the things.

She moved in with me this summer. I went on my yearly pilgrimage to chicago for lola to see Wes. A few weeks back I hire a new assistant and a hurricane starts barreling down on us.

The mentaltity down here towards hurricanes is really kinda interesting. After katrina everyone is holding their hands over their buttholes like OMFG NO PLEASE NO. Even the word katrina on tv is bringing back fucked up ptsd during the coverage.

I decide i’m going to stay. It’s category 2, can’t be that bad. It’ll make landfall wednesday morning and by thursday/friday we’ll be out laughing and drinking and selling web sites talking about how stupid was to leave.  My new assistant I met with someone that Monday morning with a proposal, we walk out with a check and a happy feeling. The city is on fire with that panic buzz that I hadn’t ever felt..ever.

We decide we have to have a celebratory drink since we just sold a not so cheap site. Only place open and not being boarded up is the buddha belly. We are the only people in there besides the bartender and a really angry drunk float painter. We all assure ourselves that this will be nothing.

Power goes out tuesday night. I had came home from the buddha belly the night before and cleaned my shotgun and considered myself ready. It gets boring fast. Watching the storm rip through the streets is entertaining only to a point where you go “shit, i am the first of the 3 little pigs” -Kendra

Worrisome the most was the telephone pole that had cracked in either this storm or one of the others and was waving to us like it was our best friend we hadn’t seen in forever. I’m still surprised that thing didn’t just come down right into our place. Days after the storm after my exile to riverridge, the at&t dude was like “you should call your landlord and tell them about that”. Yeah, we know bro.

So that night in the dark we cooked a 5 lbs pork loin and shared it with sarah and the new neighbors. I did a fucking stupid awesome job cooking this thing in the dark as well as preparing the onions and peppers by candle light. Sarah’s friends come over, we feasted on it like savages on the porch while the wind and rain continues.

Finally it stops raining and it’s now blowing as bad. No power, no one on facebook has power, it’s a lot worse then we realized. Basically because the storm just kinda sat on our collective faces for2 days the entire infrastructure of the city is wrecked. Throughout the storm Kendra is telling me that she is sticking to her pre hurricane plan which is to drive to missouri to get her car back from her mom that saturday. She leaves early.

I’m sitting out on my porch on one of sarah’s lawn chairs drinking my 2nd can of hot coors when i decide this probably isn’t going to end well. I already have every weapon i own nearby “just in case” and i make a tactical decision and decide i can do without the things in my apartment for air conditioning, cold beer and real food.

I message one of my oldest friends down here, lets call him Blade, because he’s like a white Wesley Snipes. He confirms he has power, that his wife and kid are in florida and he is bored and wants someone to hangout with.

I snap into action.

Clean the fridge, clean the freezer. I pull out my google docs evacuation checklist and run down it in record time. I have everything me and my dog need for a limited amount of time and i calmly and quickly GTFO before the next wave of gets here.

I arrive at Blade’s house in safe and powered river ridge. He has the TV on. There is football. His friend, lets call him..Christ, has brought over a ton of deer meat in various formats for us to eat because Christ also lives in uptown and would rather have Blade eat the meat then for it to go bad.

i wish i had taken better notes. I have several vague memories of going to a bar with several rebel flags hanging in it, deer burgers, and just really living the river ridge lifestyle. At one point we were eating at a local river ridge seafood resturant and it hit me that i could just flirt with this waitress, move in with her and just give up on new orleans and my old life. Then i thought about it and didn’t do it.  I will return to my old life.

Finally Sarah msgs me and says the power is back on. I don’t want to go. For like 4 days i’ve lived in pure luxury at Blade’s. Eating the best food i’ve ever had, drinking beer, watching football, freaking out his friends. I have overstayed my welcome.

I return.

The place is fucked. Sarah’s roof decided it didn’t want to be a roof anymore and finally made the jump to becoming part of her bedroom floor. Water rushes in from every window in her apartment and mine. The floor is covered in brown film. It smells.

[notes]

insert pics of sadness here

Before kendra gets back i go to home depot and buy a mop and bleach. I mop, i cry, i bleach, i mop, i cry, drink a beer, mop and cry. I’m just trying to make the place nice enough for temporary. I get it good enough.

The smell is overwhelming. We stay for a few days. My new assistant tells me that the house her parents own that she lives in has a 2 bedroom apartment which is empty that i can stay in. I offer her a reasonable amount for 7 days and…now i sit on the futon that was here…my bike, my handgun, 4 purple hazes and a inflatable mattress. Kendra had to teach school all day and then tutor her afterschool kids. I gave her the address and she is garmining it. We’ll go immediately to sleep and the friday begins.

My landlord emailed me today telling me that the mold has been “cleaned and killed”. It looks the same, smells the same. I figure she has the wrong apartment or address or the asshole landlord is just trying to fuck me. We’ve decided to try to just rest up this weekend, move her stuff to the room she is renting.

I’m putting everything in storage. I hate to say that I’ve given up on this city but it’s going to be incredibly hard to find work here for at least 2months. I’m going on the road to sell sites. I’m leaving the new assistant in charge as a partner in point2point, her territoriality being Louisiana.

Not 100% sure of the tour dates at this point but I’m going to just store all of the things I want to keep and come back to it in a few months when Kendra’s student teaching is over. Our plans are to move to the capital. She has friends and I have family, not a bad idea. But until then i have 13 weeks of not having a residence, office or plan.

 

 

fast approaching hell

Actually i think i’m there now. There isn’t a single area of this existence that is even remotely considered..well. Work is a disaster,  personal life is a wreck. It’s just sad that i’m running out of time here and yet I have no idea what direction to turn.

The best revenge is living well and i’m not getting revenge on anyone anymore. Instead I’m just living in this prison of failure and bad mistakes. Surrounded by them and dancing in them. Everyone wants me to work for free. My home has been destroyed, nothing is the way i want it anymore. Now it’s the way everyone else wants it.

Fight or flight is a interesting thing. Fighting this just seems stupid at this point, don’t even want to fight it. Flight means packing and apartment hunting. The problem is i don’t even feel like either, just feel like giving up. Don’t even feel like picking up the pieces anymore.

Best part is this just keeps going. It’s not going to fix itself and i obviously can’t fix it. Just trapped. Can’t leave without a plan, can’t do anything without a plan. Need a plan, need one quickly. This…status…won’t last long.

Why sleep in discontent? Oh the price of companionship

I never write on this site anymore…wish to change that but i realize i just…don’t.

The last update was about Kendra which i can honestly say is going very well.  I always find it very special to date someone above 90 days which i think we’re getting close to at this point. Usually by then things have fallen apart. It’s never my fault, never theirs…things just…fall apart. Just the way life goes for me.

She really loves me tho, i can feel it just as i’ve felt it from women in my past. I think she’s changed her mind about leaving in a year when her semester is up but we’re both making plans to go somewhere else together. I’ve been kinda over living in new orleans for about a year now. This life i’m living here, the company, everything, could exist forever in this state but i’m just burned out on it. A change would do me well.

One interesting thing about Kendra is now she will eat meat…she ate a entire piece of bacon a few weeks ago and even ate some horribly cooked baked chicken i made last night. This makes me happy.

My sushi experiences continues to climb…we continue to check places off in new orleans that have sushi in my never ending quest to try all of the places. I’ve started to try to branch out from the basics such as smoked salmon and rainbow rolls to eels and such but i take it very slowly.

I lost my health insurance recently and have had a terrible time at securing someone to insure me despite my…problems. I’ve been weening myself off of welbutrin, taking a dose every other day and i’m starting to really not enjoy life. Kendra has noticed i’m not as cheery and fun…not making jokes as i used to. It’s a terrible feeling to feel your personality diminished and even a worse feeling wondering if you are going to lose your new girlfriend because of it.

I’ve never been a cheerful fun person. I enjoy the beautuy of life as much as the next guy but things like my bank account balance and my future life is a constant worry. I can always trade that worry for a cubicle and 8 hours of my life a day dedicated to being someone’s bitch but then this post would just be about that sucking instead of this. It’s hard to describe to her that even tho i look sullen and miserable that i’m actually extremely happy to be spending time with her and disappointed in myself that i can’t just fucking cheer up and love the moment i’m living in.

The thing is i do…i just don’t let on to it. I realize how awesome it is to lay in the sun with my awesome sexy girlfriend and drink whiskey and laugh. I dunno, hard to explain. It just sucks…i hate to think what it’s like to be with someone who is all full of energy and life then stops taking a prescribed medication and turns into a dark brooding creature that no one wants to be around.

Worst part is there is a huge part of me that wants to force her to break up with me to avoid putting her through the guilt of leaving because i’m no longer fun. Like tearing off a bandaide, get the pain out of the way as fast as possible instead of letting it broad side me…

Only time will tell…trying not to dwell too much. One mistake i see in most people’s relationships is the level of obsessiveness in the other’s happiness. If she is over this then she’ll probably let me know pretty quickly. One of the things i love about her is she wouldn’t put up with something she wasn’t happy with.

I’ve read on reddit threads about showing self confidence and whatever and one piece of advice sticks out a lot. Something along the lines of faking it until you feel it. From now on I’m just going to pretend I’m happy until it just feels that way. I’ve been working out twice a day the last week trying to just keep adrenaline running through my veins as much as possible to ignore the constant realization that my life is falling apart one piece at a time until i’m living at my parent’s house wondering what went wrong.

Shit, maybe i’m not doing it yet, i’m gonna start acting happy tho.

After this post.

life moves forward

Must…continue..updating.

We started talking on october 28th…almost 2 months now…wow. I had to login to okcupid to see that. Two months is a long time for me.

Kendra is a interesting situation. I’ll try to sum her up in a short paragraph, the way she has maybe summed me up in post it note…she doesn’t want to live here for long…moving back to the south east is her plan and was upfront with that before anything ever started.

I’m good at seducing tho…i can be very charming when i want to be. Anyway…she is in love with me and i love her…i can type it. There is something about her that is obviously different from anyone I have met in a long time. We differ on huge major aspects of moral and ethic ideas but these will be quickly dissolved in hatred or love.

Opposites attract tho, something about me is drawing her towards me and vice versa. The problem is she is different then what i normally attract and i need to change my thought process. I’m a sadistic person, i like making women feel insecure to increase my attractiveness…it’s not that big of deal to say it anymore. The trick is to make her realize that it’s just my sick humor and not how i feel. I joke with her because i feel comfortable with her…i don’t do that with just anyone.

She accepted my facebook relationship request so that’s pretty much marriage in my book. She doesn’t even know about this site yet…sigh.

the time i almost shot 2 people

I’m not sure how to write this post so i’m just going to get started and let it kinda fill itself in.  My upstairs neighbor and her friend decided to surprise me when i came home from a night drinking by hiding in my bed. Only problem is i’m actually in that bed massaging my…she’s not a girlfriend but we’re on our 6th date(she’s on her way now)… so we’re i guess better friends then..not.

We went out to dinner and come back to my apartment for wine and whatever I’m allowed to get away with. I open the backdoor and let Marla out and leave the door cracked so she can get inside.

Now Kendra is beautiful,  a perfect specimen of what I’m attracted to. We are very compatiable, especially sexually,  she had a rough week and after dinner i told her I would rub her back.  I really have to mention again just how beautiful Kendra is. She is the type of girl that I honestly think i deserve. Years after she has forgotten me I will remember how perfect she looks. Anyway, it’s  a extremely romantic moment, i have candles let, i’m rubbing lotion into her beautiful back and shoulders. We’re both naked. I’m very aware she is naked and I’m very aware of this.(erection)

I hear footsteps. I hear them because I have no music playing so it registers instantly. Those are footsteps, in your apartment, at about 1am on a Saturday morning. There is a certain routine you’ve practiced, read about and are ready to deal with.

I’d like to say something at this point that this is new orleans. There are literally thousands of black people(and white people) who want to take my things, my white woman, my life, and my web hosting customers. I’ve never felt safe in this city and own guns for this exact moment.

I roll off of Kendra’s perfectly formed breasts and ass, pull the Remington 870 shotgun from underneath the bed. I slide a shell into the chamber and come around the corner of my bedroom and point the shotgun. Usually at this point when someone hears that sound they realize they might have broke into the wrong apartment.

I flash the light mounted on the shotgun and it’s Sarah and Alex, both completely drunk. They see me standing there, completely naked, pointing a loaded shotgun at them, yelling GET THE FUCK OUT. Kinda imagine american history x but with a shotgun instead of a handgun. And instead of niggers stealing my truck it’s fucking Sarah and Alex in my kitchen.

They both run from the apartment, I slam the door. I walk back, unload the shotgun and get back in bed trying to do a “so where were we”. We then have really intense sex…because i just almost shot 2 people trying to sneak into my fucking apartment.

I am pretty livid when i wake up but im trying to play it cool because i really like Kendra and just try to shake it off. There is a bottle of jack daniels(which im drinking right now) on my doorstep this morning when i walk Kendra out.

I’ve never came that close to ending another life. There have been close calls while driving and I’ve probably almost stabbed people walking home from karaoke but I’ve never pointed the shotgun at someone at this proximity with the intent to kill.

Everyone is alive and okay. Sarah and Alex learned a very important lesson that you should NEVER sneak into someone’s apartment. Especially when they own several fire arms and have a persecution complex. Alex also learned that i have a extremely big penis.

My instinct is to never to talk to Sarah or Alex again. I was extremely close to ending both of their lives. People have told me that I need to look at it in a lighter light, that I missed out on a 4thsome with all of them. It’s all about perspective i guess.

wear banana suit fuck bitches

I’m trying to see if i can get to page 1 in google with the title tag of fuck bitches get money but i’m not even on page 8.

I must update more.

anyway.

About fucking bitches and getting money. Lemme tell you something about the banana costume. I’m not sure where the idea even came from but i decided to be a banana for halloween. It arrives from amazon in less then 48 hours and i wear it to my friend josh’s pumpkin carving party.

I next wore it in the 6t9 parade and some point in the evening i’m drinking wine…which i spill all over the front of the banana costume. Yeah, big huge stain, so awesome haha

I next don it on the friday before halloween for a costume party at the dungeon that my friends daisy and mike invited me to. Yeah, just imagine a costume party at the dungeon…we’ll get to that later.

We of course are meeting up at flannagans for a few drinks before we head there and i arrive very early. I get a shot of jager in me and start walking around trying to find someone i know to talk to. I walk outside and almost walk into this girl. A little shorter then me, spiked short black hair, full sleeves, tattoos all the way up to her neck, lip pierced, dressed in all black. She’s startled cuz this banana comes out of no where.

now most everyone knows that i have a type…that is…her.

She is very impressed with the banana costume and wants a picture of me with her. I oblige and someone takes the pic.

now beyond popular belief, i am a fairly intelligent guy. I’m not a great programmer, not particular bright in anything but sometimes except recognizing opportunity. i see one. I tell her she has to send it to me, gotta put it on facebook, etc.

she punches in my number into her cell and sends me the pic…

cell # acquired, proceed to step 2b

eventually the next day she mentions in texts that the other really really attractive girl she is with is her girlfriend. they in town for Halloween and are friends with another friend of mine.

well, that’s okay, whatever. not like i wanted to..yeah whatever fine. i’m good at disappointment.

i keep thinking that every woman is bisexual if she’s had enough to drink and that goes both ways but i’m not probably hot enough to pull things like that off.

or maybe i am.

but i wasn’t.

haha you thought that was going to be the best crackhore update but instead it’s toad meeting 2 really hot lesbians.

now i’m sad 🙁

not good at relationships

newp.

I give up, just going to have fun and enjoy single/dating life. I figure i have a good 10-15 years left of whoring around before I can’t get any women that i’m attracted to anymore.

Also i should get a motorcycle. Or a boat. Or both. So i can ride my motorcycle to my boat and cruise around on my boat, then get off the boat and get back on the motorcycle and ride home.

It’s all about having goals in life.