Last night, after a really bizzare day, i convince a girl from aim, who i've met once in real life, to meet me at Neils for a little karoke fun. I arrive, already drunk from…that afternoon and polish off a few beers until she gets there.
I put in my songs, Caught A Light Sneeze and some Cats In The Cradle. Neils was especially full that night, mostly very generic frat looking kids and they were all about some karoke too.
Although they weren't drunk and stumbling around the stage like i would soon be. I pound a few more beers, carry my beer to the stage. I hop up, drop my coat to the floor slowly and pick up the mic. I am giddy with excitement. The first few notes of caught a light sneeze starts….
The crowd is not happy with Tori. In my drunkenness, i start replacing key words of the song with “platinum plus” and Ken's name, who was with us at Platinum Monday.
The crowd is extra not happy.
I bound of stage, walk back to the bar, run into a old friend who hadn't seen me do karoke before. He had heard that song before too. Never like that tho.
Ian gets me some wings and way too much beer. More tori on the drive home…
Fast forward to this morning. I wake up feeling fucking terrible. I stumble to the shower, take one of those 2 minute showers where your just blazing hot water and soaping then jumping out, brush, brush, car, court.
I park at the Exxon parking lot, like all us real gangsta's, who have been to 201 Poplar for god knows how many fucking speed tickets. Dressed in all black, running in the cold, humming Mr Jack to myself, and get in line to go through the metal detector. I put my hand halfway in my pocket and feel my huge “i don't have a quarter” knife. It's 9am now, my court time is 9am..i really shouldn't go back to the car….i think for a second, what would robert denerio do .i walk over to the edge of the planters and tuck my knife in, in front of god knows how many people and get in line.
$60 later, i waddle out of 201 Poplar, my ass hurting from the raping i took from our goverment. I waddle over to the bushes, retrieve my knife and head to the car. After standing in line with memphis's best foot forward for 20 minutes really has a angering effect on me.
It's time for humans to go the way of the dinosaur.
Like standing next to the redneck dude who was talking even more then i was talking, the child molestor looking dude who actually was talking to me about how our goverment is a complete racket setup to fuck the citizens of american.
I walk up to the judge, or the judge's assistant, or whoever my fate lies and in normal southern hospitality, she asks how im doing this morning. I respond “well i guess it kinda depends on you” and give her that classic smile that has won me over thousands(8) girls.
She says that i've getting court costs. For a fucking 5 over speeding ticket. $60 i can't spend to forward my life in anyway at all. I can't believe i even got pulled over on fucking Crump. I've had people try to car jack me on Southern but we gotta keep them 5 over speeders in check.
I can't wait till your lose your little oil war.
Whoa, turning into a whole other update. *grips laptop* Okay. I walk out of court, not really in a bad mood cuz in still really kinda drunk muttering PUT YOUR HANDS UP, GET OUT OF THE CAR, PUT YOUR HANDS UP, GET OUT OF THE CAR and i drive to work.
God, this took like 4 hours to write….