I’ve recently decided it’s time to stop giving a fuck about things anymore. Life has recently reached it’s peak, it’s not going to get any better or any worse. Then i’ll die. And that would be worse. Anway, It is now up to me and my website to leave a small mark on the splotch of humanity so that at least a few years after i’m worm food, my ancestors, if my sister has any, can read about their uncle toad.
That aside, let me begin.
a typical monday, i drove valerie home, generally depressed that it’s a monday, and that i have a bunch of work to do but i’m waiting on everyone else to catch up with what i’ve done. so i sit around and mope and brood until i get a e-mail to do something. doesnt’ help my mood much as u can imagine.
after i dropped valerie off, i decided since there’s hardly anything to do work wise, i’ll grab some lunch, read a paper and head over to alex’s and kick it with him. i drive around, staring at the red lights, wishing i had a reason to live. if god could just drop me a e-mail or a voicemail, giving me a purpose besides living, breathing, eating, shitting and dying.
one of those days, you’ve read the site, we got years of this.
anyway. i pick up a 40 and head to alex’s.
when i get to alex’s, it sounds like someone else is having a shit day too. his power is out. no ac, no internet, nuthin. he of course calls, they tell him that mlgw has stopped accepting his auto-pay and that when he calls the 1-800 number, they say they no longer accept payments by phone, etc. only pament centers. as we walk to alex’s car, i start to put my 40 in the fridge. he says he doesn’t give a fuck, bring it along, it’s not like i’m driving.
payment centers = fucking ghetto
i sip mah fourty down i-240 as go to one of the payment stations.
now my site really sucks for citizens who are not of Memfrica because i reference places and areas that seem foreign to a read out of town but are hilarious to those who know this god foresaken city.
now the closet “payment center” is on fucking Lamar. we have other options, which is “lol” summer avenue and another somewhere off shelby drive, so we go to Lamar. let me sum up Lamar in a small paragraph. now imagine a ghetto, but a ghetto that has mostly been abandoneded. empty buildings with for sale signs, cars left on side of road, just a fucking shit hole part of town in between the boundaries of Tenneseee and Mississiippi. just a shit part of town that is getting worse.
there’s a HUGE line for the payment center, since they lock their doors at 6, we all stand outside in the sweltering heat, anxious to pay thru the little ATM.
Finally the heat or boredom gets to me and i walk back to his car and get my 40 of Bush. I mean shit, i’m on fucking Lamar, standing in line at MLGW with a bunch of my fellow black race, no one is going to give a fuck.
This is when shit gets exciting.
I sip silently, with a brown bag, hiding the fact that it actually is beer, minding my own business. Not waving my arms in the air screaming about how i’m hardcore, really just being a good freedom loving citizen. I’m about 3/4ths of the way done, and i notice some chick with a badge on her shirt. just a security guard, no warning signs go off. A few minutes pass and Alex taps me on the shoulder and says says “hey i think there’s a real cop inside”.
I look inside and see a HUGE, like i’m talking two slave owners got together and said “lets build a super slave” kind of big bald black guy. MLGW uniform, gun, everything. Really didn’t see him. Now he’s talking to into his shoulder mounted radio and is now walking towards me.
Not Win (n.) The act of not winning.
Now as my site shows, which will someday be used against me a court of law, i am a ninja at drinking at public. I have moves that you fucks havn’t even thought of yet. This is nothing i havn’t delt with.
I perform a “Hide the 40 behind my thigh and stand around like i’m not doing anything wrong” move but it’s too late. He motions me towards him. I shuffle over and he says, and this is the best part is because i remember every word, since this is now one of the highlights of my life and whispers “What the hell do you think your doing?”.
I figure, he’s black, he’s on my side, I can reason with him. These are my people.
I look him dead in the eye, not a hint of fear or guilt in my eyes, “Well, it’s just really hot and we’re all standing in line, i’m not causing any harm, just wanted to finish this off.” I go on about the heat, how we’re all out here and not happy about it and i’m not causing any fuss/harm.
At this point I think i actually throw him off guard. He was expecting a “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, I’M CRACKTOAD, BITCH, ORANGE MOUND, SON, RESPECT”.
I repeat the previous “not harming nuthin” sentence and he pulls out his badge and asks me if i know what it is. I respond that i know exactly what it is. I politely ask if he’d like me to throw it away in the trashcan which is a few feet from us to resolve the situation…well…erupting.
Now this is the part that kinda fucks with me, instead of asking me to throw it away, which i was totally willing to do, and instead of being beaten to a bloody pulp for all the things i’ve done to his race, he simply asks me to take it back to my car.
I can’t drink in public but the car is fine. Check.
At this point Alex is trying at all costs to avoid any relation to me, now has to talk. He tells the cop that he’s driving and that it’s his car that i’m putting my 40 in. At least i’m not driving drunk. We’ll, until i leave Alex’s later. Anyway, as i walk to his Prelude my face, it takes every ounce of effort not to laugh outloud at the situation, since it’s truely, well, god i don’t even know. As i walk back, i put my “i’m sorry” face back on, sit on the rail, make small talk with my other new friends in line. Alex pays his bill and we leave Lamar.
We get to the car and the laughter continues for a good 20 minutes on the drive back.
As soon as we get back to his apartment, I stumble out of his car with my beer and we happen to see a MLGW truck. Alex flags him down. Toad, learning from his previous MLGW experience, walks the other way and roundevous(sp?) back his apartment after the leet MLGW guy hooks his power on.
As i drove home it occurs to me that I might have a problem.
Not with public intoxication, alcohol or drug abuse, but with the fact that my day sucks unless a near jail/death incident occurs.
Please comment with advice/help.