in the garden of toad, don’t you know that i’ll always be true

okay. i got drunk the other night and went to merrymaids.com and requested a free consultation to clean my train wreck of a apartment. she shows up at 1pm. she walks up to the the apartment.

let me paint this as well as i can. i have Iron Butterfly – In A Gadda Da Vida, blaring, on repeat. the apartment looks like it’s had a rave in it. pabst blue ribbon bottles litter the computer desk. i’m drunk, drinking beer. she hasn’t left yet.

She walks in, looks 50 something, hard tell because of the makeup. Very well dressed, has a little leather portfolio that says Merry Maids on it, everything. I sip my beer and listen to her proposal.

I give her a quick tour of the apartment. After i show her the fucked up bedroom, the fucked up bathroom and the hallway of stolen shit, she sits back down. On the way back from the kitchen she sees the picture of george bush i have hanging in the hallway. this picture was sent to “resident” at one of my apartments, i stuck a crackhore sticker on it and have carried it around ever since. she points at the picture and says “thats my man there, i told my husband that George Bush is the one man i’d leave him for”. and i quote, “he told me that he’d leave me for Laura Bush if he had the chance”.


she actually made me feel awkward in my own apartment. touche, touche.

she quotes me a price to clean up this disgusting shit hole of a apartment. it seemed kinda high, i think i need to go on a more “mexican” route maybe. coming soon.