LunaFuckingTick

Wow.

Whenever i am awe stroke by something i feel the urge to write. To educate. Almost like a public service announcement.

So i wake up this morning and i feel like complete ass, which is normal when you’re on a bender like this one. Levi finally gets back from recruiting and we go up to the deli for food and bloody marys. We start playing pool like we always do and this just pretty hot girl walks in by herself, in all black, long hair, really attractive.

She starts playing pool and this old man comes up and asks her if she’d like to play pool. She says she’s had a long day at work and just wants to play by herself. I continue to stare at this hot girl, wondering what’s beyond the hotness.

Finally, i think my constant staring finally makes her crack and she comes up and asks if we’d like to play teams. Cool. Levi and Rachel are all proud of me and smiling at me for luring in this girl. Im dressed like a homeless person, torn pants, holes in them, bleach stains, really just total apathy apparel. I’m not trying to attract. I don’t want anyone near me.

Anyway, we start playing. She’s really good, that’s hot.  She’s also really using body language, like lots of bending over the pool table slowly, tossing her hair over her shoulders, even standing in front of the huge fan and letting the air blow her hair back, etc. We all start talking and she asks all the normal get to you know crap, what’s your name…how old are you….then whats your sign, what do you do, etc. I notice she asks all these questions but never answers the question she asked. I even go as far to “guess” which sign she is based on how she’s acting. No response. That’s a little weird.

We play on. She’s using body language to her advantage, keeping really close to me, sitting in a chair backwards and even rocking back on it like she’s fucking it. I’m really intimidated by her but that’s kinda cool, in a weird way. It gets worse tho.

You can sense in the air her pure ego. Lots of “helpful hints” with pool that no one really asked for. Lots of loud burping, like “i don’t care what anyone thinks” kind of burps, trying to get a reaction out of us. Doesn’t work. I start to realize what we’re dealing with. This isn’t a wolf in sheep’s clothing, this is just a wolf. A predator. Almost exactly like me but i at least try to hide it.

She asks Levi if she can borrow his phone to make a call. Okay thats a little weird, 2006 and doesn’t have a cell phone.  She takes it outside and makes a call. Levi is like “if she books with my phone i bet i can catch her” and her purse was still at the bar, so she comes back. She asks how much the phone costs, they tell her and say it’s cheaper to buy it online, etc. She says she doesn’t have a credit card. That’s a little weird too. No credit card means no bank account.

She next asks Levi how much a glass of wine at the deli is.  He goes “i have no clue, i only drink pabst” and then she looks at me. I just continue to rack the balls.

Finally she says “okay im going to leave” and leaves.  We all breath a sigh of relief. She’s gone and nothing “happened” because we were all waiting for something really weird to happen.  She was like a buffet of craziness. I mean i like my girls with a little garnishing of craziness, like just a hint. You always are attracted to people that are like you.

This was just a full buffet.

I told Levi that’s the reason i meet girls on the internet, the old fashioned way. A word to wise, anyone who sees a long haired girl in all black, playing pool by herself at the deli, stay away. Don’t even look because thats what she wants, she wants a “in”.

I’m just terrified that she knows my name and what i do for a living. Next time she sees me she might talk to me 🙁