i don’t believe there is such a thing called rock bottom

They talk in rehab about how one day you realize that this is it, you’ve hit the bottom. You cannot get any worse then this. Everything has been leading you up to this one lowest moment of your life. I’ve thought i’ve been there, i really thought i had. Like this is it, it’s never going to be worse then this. Like when you’re laying there on the computer room floor, your arm bleeding from self inflicted wounds, a puddle of vomit next to you that the dog is licking up, tori amos screaming at the top her of lungs from my speakers. I lay there thinking “wow this is pretty fucking sad, like this is it, i can only go up from here”.  That was a few months ago.

Now it’s 4am, i’ve only had 3 beers all day and im feeling pretty good. Only i think this really might be rock bottom. I’m watching Kevin Costner’s The Postman. It’s like i wish i was really drunk because then i’d have a excuse. Like “yeah i fucked this fat girl but…i was drunk, you know”. But i’m not. I’m barely even buzzed. Not high either.

In case you’re not familar with this excellent film, i’ll direct you to http://imdb.com/title/tt0119925/ 

I mean, Waterworld, it was okay. Had cool props, a cool plot, but goddamn, The Postman?

I guess it can only go from up here…..