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so many of you saw me in a not so great place last night.

look.

everyone pukes sometimes.

this is what happens when you drink all day and don’t eat. what you saw spewing from my lips was pure alcohol and you and i both know it.

i woke up this morning, turned my camera almost puked. i hope someone saved my magic marker cuz im covered in all kinds of writing

anyway, congrats mary and erichole. i seriously almost cried 2-3 times yesterday, just so fucking sweet. i think i was the best usher ever, since mary’s brother, the other usher was afk for most of the most important part of being a usher. i seriously walked in every single hot girl there. i gotta give him credit tho, he came through when i needed him. i gave him a sign for when valerie got there so he could walk her to her table and avoid me just pointing at a chair and yelling sit.

to mary and eric’s family, i hope you’re not reading this, but i really appreciate the alcohol and food you provided for this wedding.

really appreciate it. *winks*

other really hilarious moments:

mary is throwing the garter into the crowd and i take off the jacket of my tux, stretching my arms, getting psyched up. it’s just me and a really really tall black dude. i look at him and say “you don’t have shit on me, player” and shove him. he lols and shoves me back. which of course deserves another shove from me. we’re knocking each other up like we’re about to go for a rebound when finally some other people show up and the crowd stops laughing.

he still gets it. i didn’t even jump.

i don’t want to get married until tori is ready.

or unconscious in my trunk

in all seriousness, as if this site ever did that, it was really a honor. like normally unless you’re related of fucking someone in the wedding party, you’re not in it.

i havn’t fucked eric in months.

saw mary naked once but that doesn’t really equalify me to be in the wedding.

or maybe it did.

ive never been in a wedding before and i really appreciate and give respect that you bought the tux’s for everyone. the lady at the men’s warehouse was like “yah thats the way people used to it but now a days most folks gotta pay for it themselves”.

the rehearsal dinner was also amazing. i ordered the filet(sorry, shit isn’t cheap but i just can’t say no 🙁 ). it tasted like if you pulled jesus from the cross, grilled him and set him next to a side of mashed potatoes. brad and i were almost both killed on the interstate on the way there so the drinks on you was also very sexy. drinks on all of us. this almost kinda fucks with me cuz i know my wedding isn’t going to be nearly this classy.

you’re all getting 40’s and hotwings for my wedding rehearsal dinner and this shit is going to be held in the park and im not even paying monsignor watkins to perform the ceremony.