I can’t stop trying to find someone to love me, just part of being a creature but there is a amazing feeling when anyone who was interested in you shudders away in fear all at once. Internet friends, real life lovers, everyone just goes “meh” and you stare at the yoga mat and this blog.
This post started about a hour ago when I realized I don’t have anything left to drink and I’m not going to buy anymore. I want to really fear this pain instead of just hiding behind shit beer, etc. A copy of a copy.
I’m either going to take the pill tonight or wait and until tomorrow, the problem is what’s going on now. I don’t don’t want to sleep. I can’t really work really tho because I’m not in the temple so I’m just sitting on the balcony watching the trees do nothing.
You know me, i can’t help myself.
Tomorrow is monday, it’s a work from home day, even before covid, let’s just wash everything but that’s when everyone else does and I have to interact with them, better to wait till wednesday. I feel lethal, anything that doesn’t help in my goals makes me want to consume it. Ugh, that sounds scary when i type it out, can’t wait for that to be read on the air. No, let me re-write that. Naw whatever, doesn’t matter.
I’m starting to really realize that no one should ever come to this condo with me. It’s a haunted evil place and just fucks with everything that comes here, it’s absolutely not me and my bad behavior, or the multiple suicides here…actually see it’s not so weird. Oh, well, I love you A, i hope you are doing well.