Fucking misery

Let’s take a big step back from this. I fucking hate this. I had some really high “ups” a few weeks ago. Working out several times a day, eating pure, feeling good.

There is soImething to be said for embracing loneliness, just roll with it. I think that lasts around 2 weeks before it shatters but damn was that a good run. I was having a glass of wine at 5pm, a modest dinner and 3 beers with Netflix or whatever. It took about a week to sleep but fucking summer time got to me.

There is nothing to ground me. No girlfriend, family despises me even tho they won’t say it. It’s Friday? Best part is Mel is texting me asking me to hang out and like..that’s a whole other post. I want the best for her and I know that is coming from me.

It’s…I just hate this July 4th, something that should feel happy but our country is about to seriously just end, I’m not sure how we just bounce back from this.

I just need to wake up tomorrow and drink the emergenc and just try. God, the rain sounds so beautiful right now. I’m listening NIN – Still and like goddamn what a great album.