the other place if you don’t believe in him

a lot of things are just broken in my life. I can try to fix them, pay someone to fix them or deal with it it. Those are my 3 options. It sucks but that’s physics.

I’m 99% sure that there is a short in the cable and once I replace that i’ll be kosher as christmas. I ask my good friend Bruce online how to do it, he sends me a gif file, showing me exactly how i need to cut it (you own, bruce).

Later that night I realized after last night that im a real sadist. The whole night instead of watching a dvd or entertaining myself with my laptop, both of which are broken, i decided instead to torture my girlfriend by making up all kinds of terrible scenarios, telling her and seeing how she reacted. I guess it’s not my fault girls look cuter when they cry.

Romance is mah middle name.

ANYWAY, the next day i’m determined not to put my poor girlfriend thru this again. She’s had to deal with enough shit so at least i can do is provide us with a TV to watch when we’re drunk. I wake up, drink a few beers on the way to Home Depot and we smoke a bowl in the car. Now i really really enjoy going into home depot while high and have a few hours to kill but i kinda realized that going there while high with a specific task is almost the exact polar opposite.

We walk around aimlessly for about 20 minutes, getting electrical tape, etc, things im positive we’ll need to replace the power cable on the tv. We walk down one aisle and see a nice elderly man cutting cable and hanging it on the rack. He’s exactly the pseudo grandfather who helps you fix things that im looking for. I somehow manage to explain to him what im going to attempt to do and ask him about a few details i was kinda hazy about.

He tells us to follow him, we do. After we reach the end of the aisle, he stops and turns to me and says

“Tell, you gotta be really careful when opening the inside of the tv. There’s a lot of high voltage stuff in there that will shock ya, and if you believe in Jesus you’ll go up to him, but if you don’t, you’re going to go to the other place.”

Now it’s situations like this that tell you who you really are. I turn to valerie and go “remember valerie, the other place” and we follow him to the lighting section where we get a new cord. We slowly walk away from him and i round the corner before the tears of laughter start to fill in my eyes.

The whole rest of the night, anyone i ran into heard this story and heard me go on and on about “the other place” and how im planning on going there after i try to fix my tv. We get back to my place, i pour another drink and begin cutting the cable power cord with a pair of scissors. After cutting the cable, i use a box cutter to seperate the 2 power

The tv still doesn’t work either.

Another terrible pointless story where someone implies im going to hell.

Now i feel cheated for typing it all out…