I don’t want to have sex with men.

I’m sorry, it’s just getting old. I’m in a weird time of my life. Ive been going out by myself, having a 3-4 drinks by myself, talking to whoever i run into or whoever has the balls to walk up and talk to me, driving home, having one last Corona and just having a good fucking time.

It’s been all about getting drunk by myself, going out by myself, just being the lone ranger of unsoberiety.

I’ve been waking up every morning and laughing at the crazy little adventures ive been getting myself into.

Now something is getting old.

It’s the gay guys.

So Friday night, i drink a bottle of wine, photoshop my face on Denerio, laugh uncontrollably for about a hour and decide it’s time to go drink by myself, with other people. I roll up to melange by myself, the gay black dudes hit on me. I drink more and leave.

Of course tonight has to slap me in the face again. After narrowly avoiding Sara in the parking lot, i use my teleport scroll and get to Melange. Since my entire sloth day didn’t make up for it, i have 3-4 drinks, pay for Ian’s tab and talk to Carlos while he spins.

Then the gay men show up.

This guy, long white beard, glasses, looks kinda like a college professor, sits down next to me. We talk about the music carlos is spinning, dogs(since he used to work at the humane society) when he asks me if i’ll have another drink. I’ve already had 4 makers mark and cranberry and can barely see.

He asks me if i want any company on the walk back to my car, which is about 50 yards away. I see where it’s going, tell him no and that i’ll see him next Monday.

I’m just not happy with this tho.

I am straight. I have Madonna mp3s. I listen to Moby sometimes. I like girls with cute butts. BUT I DON’T FUCK GUYS. I can’t figure it out. I love women more then life. The first thing i think of when i wake up, the last thing i think of when i go to sleep. There isn’t any confusion about my sexuality. The only confusion is that women think i’m gay.

Like the people who have met me in real life know that i’m not gay. They see me, they see me looking at girls, hell, they may even know one of my ex’s. I’m sure i don’t like guys.

Why do i emit this gay aura? I roll up into Melange and i’m staring at girl’s, throwing my hands up in the air, getting drunk, talking about how hot every girl in the place is. Then the gay men show up.

I feel bad, i talk to them. I love meeting random people, i love just talking, sharing energy, meeting anybody. It’s the true AIM of real life. Just talking to anyone. Just talking to anyone because life is too short to not talk to someone. I’ll talk to anyone.

It’s just starting to get old tho. A lot of guys can go out and have at least 1-2 girls come up and talk to them. I get guys.

Well, almost drunk enough to go to bed. I don’t think i’ve really expressed how sick of gay guys i am. You guys can cut my hair, be my best friend, but fuck. I WANT GIRLS! I LOVE UM!

BLACK GIRLS! WHITE GIRLS!

JUST GIMMIE UM!

I want all of them. Every one. If you’re ugly then get my drunk, come on. IM SICK OF GUYS, I WANT THE WOMEN!

I wake up every morning dreaming of my best friend’s 17 year old sister. If that doesn’t say i’m straight then i don’t know what else could. I would understand if i woke up in the morning thinking about how hot the hair dresser i talked to the night before but i don’t.

You won’t win God, i don’t fuck dudes.

I don’t care how much you keep trying to tell me.

I won’t let you win.