Month: October 2005

Toad Returns To CBHS

I went back to my highschool today after 6 years. For those of you are not familar with my highschool experience, i’ll give youa brief paragraph to try to sum it up.

i went to CBHS, which stands for Christian Brothers High School. Yeah it gets worse. CBHS prides itself on not having the normal diversions most schools have, mainly, girls. Yeah. Explains a lot huh? The antisocial, alcoholism, drug addictions, rape fantasies, can all be traced back to that fucking school.

They are having a pep rally. The cheerleaders, who are from the all girl schools are there. They look just as tasty as they did 6 years ago. One of the cheerleaders looks over and smiles. WHY DIDN’T YOU SMILE AT ME 6 YEARS AGO. MAYBE THEN I WOULDN’T BE DEMANDING MY GIRLFRIEND PUT ON A SCHOOL GIRL OUTFIT AND PRETEND TO FIGHT BACK. *cough*straightens tie*

Anyway, I walked around, blown away at how much nicer the place is. Huge aquarium, sky light in library, new halls. I walk into the computer lab and see my old computer teacher. She looks up briefly and says to have a seat anywhere since i’m wearing a dress shirt and tie. She thinks i’m a student. Wtf.

I laugh and ask her if she remembers me. She looks for a second and says “oh wow yeah you havn’t changed a bit!” I ask her if she remembers kicking me out of class for viewing my website(this website). She does.

She asks me how i’m doing. I tell her that i’m out on parole and wanted to come check out the school. Her jaw drops. I turn to the class and say “Yeah kids, no matter how much money they offer, don’t swallow condoms full of drugs and try to cross the border.” Everyone has this blank look as they probably imagine me chowing down on condoms full of smack. I laugh and say “just kidding, i run a few porn sites, it pays the bills”. Teacher still not happy with my humor.

I walk to the cafeteria and as i’m walking back to my car, some woman, who i don’t remember working there, comes up and starts talking to me. She comments on my toothpick in my mouth and how i should have taken it out before i went to talk with the brothers. I tell her what are they doing to do, suspend me?

Some things never fucking change.
Continue reading Toad Returns To CBHS

ANDY GEORGE MOVIE DEBUTE

HEY KIDS IT IS ANDY GEORGE AND I AM FUCKING WASTED TO THE TIL BITCHES I AM GOING TO RANT ABOUT SOME SHIT LIKE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT PAYING RENT ANY WAY I THOULD THINK RAPE SHOULD BE FALLOWED BY THE SONG DONT WORRY BE HAPPY YOU LIVED THROUGH IT YOU DIRTY WHORE OH CHILDHOOD MEMORIES AND STILL THANKS TO L.A. FOR USEING THE MY SISTER DIED TODAY TO GET FREE DRINKS THANKS ALEN D. YOU ROCK DUDE MERIT IS MY ALL TIME MAIN BITCH SO ASS HOLES IN PHILLY WATCH YOUR STEP I AM A PLANE TICKET AWAY BALL SACKS MEL IS MY NEW PAL AND SHE IS HOT AND IT DRIVES ME FUCKING INSANE I AM IN A MOVIE INDE FILM OUT OF MEMPHIS GOTO LAST TRAIN TO MEMPHIS . COM THE MOVIE IS SEVICE WITH SMILE ORDER IT I PLAY THE BOUNCER ANY WAY I NEED LOVE WHEN I SAY LOVE I MEAN ROUGH SEX WITH CHAINS AND CATTEL PROUD TO THE BALLS AND LOTS OF KETSUP MAYBE A LITTLE MUSTARD BUT NO NO NO MAYO ANY WAY I WANT SOMEONE TO TOUCH MY SHAVED TAINT AND SAY ILL TAKE TWENTY AND I WHOULD SAY THERE IS ONLY ONE AND GOOD DAY SIR ISAID GOOD DAY AND THEN I WHOULD WIPE MY ASS ON THERE LEG WELL LAER KIS RAPE YOU LATTER LEAVE YOUR DOORS UNLOOCKED AND I WILL SEE YOU TONIGHT IF YOU ARE UNLUCKY UNCLE ANDY IS FUCKING OUT

Continue reading ANDY GEORGE MOVIE DEBUTE

so you need beer to make websites, right?

i went to piggly wiggly tonight to buy some beer. i walk in, grab the 18 pack and stride to the cashiers. the big black lady behind the counter is like “damn, are you in a hurry?”

toad: i’m always in a hurry when i’m not up on my pc’s
cashier: what you do on computers?
toad: rogue webdesigner!!
cashier: oh so you need beer to make website?
toad: omg! see thats what ive been telling people! you NEED beer to make websites.

*signs credit card slip, tell her to have a good day*
Continue reading so you need beer to make websites, right?

hopes and dreams crushed with a phone call

welp, im not getting the job. got the phonecall, he said it came down to me and one other guy who applied for the position before.

*mixes another vodka and cranberry and loads up some tori*

back to freelance hell we go.

wow this sucks. my brain is flooding with all those cliches, like everything happens for a reason, etc, but they’re not giving much comfort.

as soon as i got off the phone i went to monster.com and started looking around at other jobs. It hit me tho that i really don’t want to work in any other corp enviroment but that one. I wish he had just emailed me, I hate getting bad news over the phone because you have like 20-30 seconds of “well, guess he deserved it more” fake lines.

i’m just glad i got beat my a guy instead of some chick. Nothing burns more then when you get beat down my some chick.

damn this sucks. guess i better start finding some more clients….
Continue reading hopes and dreams crushed with a phone call

hopes and dreams crushed with a phone call

welp, im not getting the job. got the phonecall, he said it came down to me and one other guy who applied for the position before.

*mixes another vodka and cranberry and loads up some tori*

back to freelance hell we go.

wow this sucks. my brain is flooding with all those cliches, like everything happens for a reason, etc, but they’re not giving much comfort.

as soon as i got off the phone i went to monster.com and started looking around at other jobs. It hit me tho that i really don’t want to work in any other corp enviroment but that one. I wish he had just emailed me, I hate getting bad news over the phone because you have like 20-30 seconds of “well, guess he deserved it more” fake lines.

i’m just glad i got beat my a guy instead of some chick. Nothing burns more then when you get beat down my some chick.
Continue reading hopes and dreams crushed with a phone call

hopes and dreams crushed with a phone call

welp, im not getting the job. got the phonecall, he said it came down to me and one other guy who applied for the position before.

*mixes another vodka and cranberry and loads up some tori*

back to freelance hell we go.

wow this sucks. my brain is flooding with all those cliches, like everything happens for a reason, etc, but they’re not giving much comfort.

as soon as i got off the phone i went to monster.com and started looking around at other jobs. It hit me tho that i really don’t want to work in any other corp enviroment but that one. I wish he had just emailed me, I hate getting bad news over the phone because you have like 20-30 seconds of “well, guess he deserved it more” fake lines.

i’m just glad i got beat my a guy instead of some chick. Nothing burns more then when you get beat down my some chick.
Continue reading hopes and dreams crushed with a phone call

lets see if i can tell this right

Okay last night, after a bunch of whiskey, beer and cigarettes. I was walking through a grocery store, really really hungover. I grab a bottle of Gatoraide off a shelf and make my way to the bathroom. I slam the bottle in one gulp and walk out. As i’m walking out of the bathroom, i make a mental note(in my dream) that i need to update my site about this great/cheap hangover cure.

so um, if you’re ever hungover, at a grocery store, just grab a bottle of gatoraide, get to a place where the cameras can’t see you, pound it and continue to shop.
Continue reading lets see if i can tell this right