internet lonliness

i think about her when i wake up and when i fall asleep to try to dream about her. I have to write about it, knowing no one reads this until I fucking open my wrists but I can’t pull the literal trigger. I can’t tell if she likes me or not but like that…

I think like almost 30 seconds after my last post I went and picked up M and we spent 2 days drinking vodka. I’ve dated…a lot, in my life and never have I tried to make it work so poorly with someone as this M. God, I wish I could go back to my early…

Let’s take a big step back from this. I fucking hate this. I had some really high “ups” a few weeks ago. Working out several times a day, eating pure, feeling good. There is soImething to be said for embracing loneliness, just roll with it. I think that lasts around 2 weeks before it shatters…

I felt good to type out tha title. Dude you are 43 years old, nothing about you is attractive, you have gotten amazing at faking it but like jesus christ. A and then R and then K, it’s obvious having a partner wasn’t part of..this. Whatever, just be sad, blah. lol whatever, stupid feelings, just…

So I decided to make all of the previous posts private. I have given my employees the order that they will all be made public when I die but for now, I think it’s time for a fresh start. I’m going to start writing on this web site daily again. I don’t really have any…

i wish i could email michael in 2005 and tell him not to ever date anyone seriously ever again.

That’s right…”Patrick M” at my host helped me figure out why was going wrong with the site. Now i’m upgraded and i’m going to start writing fucking stupid tons of paragraphs on this site that no one reads because i stopped updating it…fuck you, everyone sit down, i’m only on slide 2 of this presentation.…

i’ve got something going on in my personal life which pretty much defies anything i’ve ever done. playing for keeps as usual. only time will tell on these sorts of things and i’m really wondering what even what i need in a woman. i mean really, when you reach this age you start to realize…

well, i kinda stopped drinking today. except for the vodka. and the beer when i woke up. my depression levels have reached a new low. i keep thinking about what 2009 has been and am just wondering if this is just going to be it. moving in with kelly was obviously a dumb fucking move.…

this was my second year to roll with my krewe. last year i really didn’t know what i was getting myself into, still had a great time. this year i knew what was coming. the story really probably starts saturday morning. bill picks me up at 7am. i’ve been up since 5:30 for some reason,…