observations of the office life

well it’s been a few weeks at my new contract. i’ve never worked in a enviroment this corporate before and it’s definetely been a intresting little social experiment. so far here are the things i’ve noticed:

1) Who are you, what do you do here, how old are you
When i first started this job, i was greeted by a bunch of very friendly people. Everyone wanted to know my name and what i did there. Also how old i was, which i found slightly offending. I was even more offended when they asked if i worked in the warehouse. I kinda thought that after the whole dot com boom with 18 yr olds driving Corvettes, etc, that people recognized if you have skillz you can get paid. The weird part is i was introduced to them when they asked my name but i can’t remember a single person’s name. It’s weird, i dunno if it’s because they all look the same or if it’s just minor brain damage from alcohol….or both…

2) People care about how im doing
So all these people i’ve met have to ask how i am when they pass me in the hall, in the break room, etc. Depending on what time of the day, my repsonses range from “well, im doing okay for a INSERTDAYOFWEEK morning.” In the afternoons i fall back on the usual “im doin okay”. What’s weird is if you’ve been reading any posts lately, i am pretty fucking far from fine. Yet it’s easier to tell them im doing “okay”.

3) Free coffee is blessing in disguise
It’s kinda like those old DARE commercials where they talk about how you get the first “hit” for free and then you gotta pay for the rest. Well, it’s kinda like that except it’s just free. Pot after pot of coffee. As much coffee as i can crank into my poor body can handle i come to a scary realization. Back in the wonderful days of sitting at home making websites, i partook in drugs and alcohol to enhance my terrible graphic design skills. Now that i am in this strange corporate nightmare, drinking jug wine and blaring Tori will is not…in the usage agreement i signed. So when life gives you lemons, you make lemonaide. But when the corporate empire gives you free coffee, you drink as much as possible to where it starts to mimic uppers.

4) Most job firings occur because of your attitude, not your job performance
I am very frightened of losing this contract because i really really fucking need the money. Like after this contract is up, we will procede to plan b. Which includes auctioning off most of my material items on this site. So i’m trying to stretch this contract out as long as possible. This has included being as friendly as possible with the people i’ve recognized as the “big whigs”. Today, when one of them came into our area of the office, he mentioned to my boss that his wife, who’s picture was on his desk, was way too cute to be with him. I’m sitting there watching my superior code and i smile and say “Naw, that picture of the girl had to have come with the frame, i’ve seen the same pic at Target”. My joke, made without the use of the word “rape”. I’m very proud. lol *wink*

5) Riding to work with your boss and seeing some redneck look at porn
No, seriously. I ride from my parent’s house to my office with my boss. He lives right around the corner and i give him gas to pick me up and take me home everyday. It works out for him since our gas prices are totally fucked and it works for me cuz…my life is totally fucked. Today on walnut grove, we just driving along. He looks over and sees some redneck in a truck looking at a magazine. He turns to me and says “holy shit did you see that?”. I apparently didn’t. He’s goes “omg that guy is looking at porn!”. The traffic comes to a halt again and i look out the window. This unshaven redneck, complete with redneck jacket and redneck hat is looking at porn in rush hour traffic. We both are like “omfg, wtf” as i verify that he actually is, looking at porn, in rush hour traffic, on walnut grove, at fucking 7:30am. My superior says “wow, you gotta be in a bad place to have to look at porn on the way to work”. I am, for once, speechless. I justify it in my mind. If i have to be up this early, i like to drink beer. Porn is kinda like beer and…ugh no it’s still just fucked up in my head. We get in I-240 behind this pervert. He’s now cruising at like 65mph still flipping thru his porn and swerving in his lane. We thankfully pass him and i didn’t hear about any wrecks. But this dude is probably going to do this sick ritual tommorow, and tommorow. Just think, one day this pervert is going to kill your family.

Wow okay, better end this now with a nice closing paragraph. Wait for it, wait for it…

All and all, i’ve really enjoyed the last few weeks. Thank god none of them know about my evil site. Not yet. *roar*