So last night i finally went out with Cara. We had talked a little bit online and finally set a time and place. I wake up yesterday and look at myself in the mirror. It is time for a haircut. If not for her, for the everyone else who has to look at me.

Normally i would really really advise against getting a haricut before a date. Like i rolled the dice and i crapped out. It sucks getting your haircut when you wear glasses because you don’t know you’ve driven off the cliff into it’s too late.

I kept hearing Bill Hicks saying “yeah ive had bad times on drugs, shit, look at this haircut”. Afterwards i decided i needed a drink. I wandered around the quarter drinking and eating and finally walked home. I need to move closer to things.

Anyway, i come and take a nap. I set a alarm so that i’ll have plenty of time to wake up, shower, call a cab and probably beat her there. You can see where this is going.

I wake up, throw clothes on, apoligize over and over via texting and phone calls and get there way late. Now i’m a pretty good judge of people, like you can show me a picture and a paragraph of someone and i can tell instantly if they are going to feel me at all.

The conversation spans, everything, as most 1st dates do. I remember talking about how i was telling people at work i’ve met god before. Thats another thing i can’t talk about on 1st dates either, mushrooms. After a pitcher of margaritas and a to go cup for myself, she agrees to “watch me have another drink”.
We head to a crowded bar and sat and talked. I talked her into another drink and i had several.  I walk her to her car and we talk.  I’m sure i made her uncomfortable with my stares.  I really forgot what it’s like to talk to someone.

About midnight she decides it’s time to leave. I walk her to her car and we talk. I’ll wonder for a long time if i should have tried to kiss her but it’s a first date. I don’t have that kind of confidence. I’m a terrible person. She says she wants to go sing karaoke next time we go out. Someone once told me that a girl is going to know if she is going to sleep with you the minute she sees you.

That better be true if i start singing on 2nd dates.
I go inside, order a shot and another beer, got a cab and go up to another bar. Drink, drink, drink. Walk home with more beer.

i suck.


So lately i’ve been hitting the internets really hard lately. I think i’m on like half a dozen different dating sites lusting over all which the world has to offer. It’s kinda funny tho cuz you actually see “regulars” on this “scene”. I’ve seen some of the same people on hotornot, craigslist and now plentyoffish. Really it’s actually kinda sad that there are people out there just as lonely as me.

Anyway, all of this hunting lately has really made me think about what im looking for in a woman. I’ve been trolling through hotornot searching for girls who listen to nine inch nails and tool. The mars volta experiment proved to me that music is a pretty good place to start when trying to figure out if she’s going to let you into her pants.

Also i’ve noticed that it really depends what messaging service she uses. Like i dunno why i don’t really make any connections with girls who use yahoo. It might be just be self fulfilling thing but unless she has aim, it’s not looking good.

I talked to a really interesting character today. Like instead of going for typically what is my “type”, ive been really thinking about trying to find someone a little more unique then the typical girls i end up with. Anyway, i don’t want to screw it up because i dunno if she’s read any of crackhore yet.

It’s never good to talk about a girl too much on crackhore. Usually jinxes it.

Anyway, to keep this post from spiralling into um, whatever, here are some more mardi gras pics.

playsation3 0041.jpg

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i can’t wait to go back to work


woke up in bed at 8pm.

boots still on.

no idea how i got home.

i woke up and stumbled to the computer.

now i might as well write about her since nothing matters anymore anyway. i’ve been talking to her a lot lately. like daily. talking to people at work about her. best part is she lives in another city. and she has a boyfriend. so unreachable. so perfect.

we fantasize about plane tickets but she really has no idea who she’s talking to. i have so much to do before i can start bringing girls to this life.




one of the women i work with who i hope never reads my site, has often told me when i get all excited about women, i gotta crawl before i walk.

i need a apartment that i can bring women to.

no plane tickets, no aim scheming, until you have a nice place to bring women. and a car.

as long as i know how to love i know i’ll surive.

tomorrow ends mardi gras. we must get back to work. anne emailed me today asking me if i did something. i hadn’t.

the plane is crashing into the mountain and toad and michael are fighting for the last parachute.

i need to start working. on everything. lazy fucking asshole webdesigner. im going to start cutting my to do list in my arm because i just really don’t care.

except for the one girl ive been talking to and thinking about, my blood lust for women has been terrible. the other night at the house party my wonderful friend wes got me to, i talked with the cutest little girl, visiting a friend.

now im pretty dense when it comes to “signs” but when someone asks you about girlfriends, or boyfriends, etc, she’s not just talking to you out of pity like most women do.

she leaves for the parades. i’ll never see her again, lives in another city, etc.


stop fucking your life up.

picture time 🙂

playsation3 014.jpg

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ive fucked up a little bit lately

I like writing and talking about my misfortunes for some weird reason. I think it’s the inner Catholic or something, crackhore confessions. Yesterday i wasn’t even drunk and walked into the wrong bathroom at a resturant i go to frequently. Wtf dude.

Apparently i walked out on a tab last week and now i can’t remember if i paid last night’s tab ad well as last weekend’s. I think im just going to charge $500 on my car to their bar and that way i’ll just be ahead.

Other then that i guess i’m not doing badly. The side business is fucking on fire with Anne helping. I’m a little terrified about what my taxes are going to be like this year. Oh and my landlord is selling my duplex so i’m going to have to move soon. I had over a grand worth of shit in a shopping cart on Overstock.com the other night, couch, desk, chairs, everything. So glad i didn’t hit Purchase or else i would be paying movers in a month.

Oh yeah and i had my car towed back to my apartment. Time to do the ole car liquidation  dance. I just don’t have the emotion to care about cars anymore. Like “oh shit i lost a pair of socks” kind of emotion.

So pretty much everything in my life is now dynamic. Job, house, car, side work, everything is completely fluid. It just doesn’t seem to bother me like it did. A Buddhist type calm has come over me. As long as i wake up tomorrow i am winning.

ScoutMassaToad: wine, women and websitesâ„¢ 🙂


ScoutMassaToad: hmm dinner…brb
linguistixgurl: i wanna be ur dinna
ScoutMassaToad: wish you were
ScoutMassaToad: you look a lot more appetizing then mr frozen pizza 🙁
ScoutMassaToad: but look which one is getting jerked off on 🙂
linguistixgurl: eww
linguistixgurl: I ate vegetables, rice, and lo mein.
linguistixgurl: wait..
linguistixgurl: What?
ScoutMassaToad: *cough*

are tornados that kill people normal here?

It’s nights like last night that make me wonder if this is a cursed land. I’m just waiting for the terrorists or our goverment saying it was terrorists, smuggles in a nuke to just finish this poor city off.

It’s not like this city has really strong buildings anymore to soak up some of the weather. Just fema trailers and beads, off to the wizard of oz.

the mars volta hotornot.com experiment

So i browse that stupid site WAY too much more then any healthy individual. I usually just browse the New Orleans members but i occasionally i’ll use it to prove points. I was thinking the other day how great it would be to meet a girl who really liked mars volta. Mars volta and hotornot.com, i just described most of january.

Anyway, i do a few searches and i’m pretty sure this was a great idea.

Like any good experiment, i gotta show my work.











It just goes on and on. Wes and i discussed the results of my project and he commented recently he knew things were going to go south with a lady friend of his when she mentioned she likes to listen to dave matthews band while working out and that angry music isn’t necessary.

Makes me wonder if i should ditch hotornot.com and start using last.fm

Doesn’t really matter where i get my rejection. I had a argument today with my bookkeeper on the legality of saying AdultFriendFinder.com is a business expense. I’m “researching”, not looking at women.

Seriously. This is a research erection, not a sex one.

mardi gras part 1

Wow the first weekend of mardi gras is over and i feel like i got hit by a fucking bus. Could barely eat lunch. Friday i went downtown with 2 guys from work and threw shit off the balcony. This is until i decide to go walking around bourbon, hunting women folk.

Apparently while i was gone, some super model looking chick was showing my 2 friends from work her clit ring. I never fucking win.

I ended up talking to some random girl and a bartender at a random daquri shop. I vaguely remember buying shots. The girl at the bar talks to me for a while and i eventually ask her what she does. Dog groomer.

So i’m back walking on bourbon when i decide i need a cigar. I walk into a random cigar shop and the fairly attractive girl behind the counter asks for my id. I surrender it quickly and she goes “oh wow, thats weird, we were both on the same day of the same year”. We make small talk for a second but the store was fairly packed. I want to go back and see if she’ll have a cup of coffee or something with me. I’d be interested to see the similarities.

I really don’t remember much of the rest of the evening. I walk home from the quarter, which is a terrible, terrible idea in retrospect. I need to stop testing fate. Only takes one little flick of fate and there are no more crackhore updates.

Saturday night was pretty much a blur. The crew went up to Finns. Pabst and shots. Mmm.

Now sunday is when my fun weekend gets bad. I’m not going to really go into details but i got hit on and kissed a really really large woman. Like i could go about my life and not write about this but it was a actual a sign of self control which is a rare occurance.  I luckily avoided her coming back home with me. I woke up this morning like “wtf”, yelling at myself in the mirror, BAD, BAD, BAD!

Oh well. Just can’t go back to that bar for a while.

anna nicole smith :(

i’m pretty predictable when it comes down to it. i like to drink, laugh, and work. tori, pabst, etc.

so when anna nicole smith died i freaked out. like i can’t believe she’s dead. i woke up today like any normal day but then i saw the headline again on cnn and it hit me all over again.

now a lot of people might of thought she was a money grubbing whore. before she died if you had asked me to describe anna i would have probably used that same sentence but worked the word cum into it.

i’m not going to tell you what to think.

anyway, now that she is dead i think i have completely reversed my view on her. in the end she was just a poor little texas girl who got sucked up by hollywood, etc, and it spits out a corpse. how many defenseless white girls does this happen to on an average day?
you should have never gone to hollywood 🙁