pretty good year :D

yup, we made it another year….congrats everyone on making it.

lets hope for a good year cuz god knows 07 wasn’t the best. not the worst either.

I havent posted much lately. went to memphis for xmas and had a good time. it was great to see everyone, kinda crazy how much things have changed for everyone there.

see you all on the other side, hopefully

so funny

so today a bunch of white people were protesting a bunch of apartment complexes that were pretty much destroyed in the storm.

it turned out awesome. i wish i could have watched from a office building. this is one of the few times i’ve actually been totally  for police brutality. i wish nopd had fucked them up. tear gas the little fuckers.

i think what the outside world doesn’t understand is these places are fucked. we have to tear them down. humans can’t live there. i know it’s “your home” and you’re used to living there for free but it’s fucked, you can’t go back and it would cost more to clean it up then to rebuild them.

i know this must be hard to explain but that’s the way it is.

now i’m paying more for rent then i paid in california so i agree, we need affordable housing but it has to be actually habitable. that’s a real problem. that’s why apartments cost more! i can prove this on a etch a sketch.

i’m going to stab ups in the face

i seriously have had difficulties with just about everything lately., cab companies, the dmv, everything.

i understand suicide bombers but i think they are blowing themselves up for the wrong ideas.

i sent something out by ups today, left it on my porch. such a bad idea but i’m painted into a corner. i gotta roll the dice and hope that all the bullshit of late has earned me a win.

i come home today and the package is gone. sweet, either someone stole it or ups picked it up. about 50/50…i sit down at the computer and see a message from the receiver of the package. she wants to know where it is. cool, me too, lets find out.

i call the ups number. the 1st person answering takes my info and says even tho i have the address, phone number, social security number, credit card number of the sender(me), i can’t track the number because i didn’t write down the tracking number. the tracking number on the paper that’s taped to the package.

the problem is i’m used to pretty much every single entity being able to..i dunno, remember shit. i didn’t copy the 16 digit  tracking number down on a piece of paper or save it in a text file because you’re a major shipping company. i should call up and tell them my pet’s name and they say “oh sorry mr scoutmassatoad, your package was picked up and it’s on it’s way”.

that basically happened when i got transferred to a supervisor without even asking. this guy has some magic computer to say “yah we picked it up but you can’t the tracking number you taped to the box for a while, not in the system yet”.

the 2nd guy had all the same info as the 1st guy, i’m so confused. i can’t even go into why one guy can do stuff one guy can’t…

emailed the girl and said ups said they picked it up and it should be there in a day or two, would give her the tracking number tomorrow.

i hate online selling.

don’t even get me started about my laptop

i want a shot of jager after this update.

i know why the terrorists hate us.

when kelly dropped me off at a intersection close to the game i had with me a very large to go cup of whiskey. after spilling a little of it on myself and walking through the freezing cold, drinking most of it i find garry. i immediately hand it to him and he takes a huge sip and we pass the cup back and forth until it’s empty. i toss it into the trashcan next to the people who pat you down. i get through my flask of makers mark.

I’m going to start getting ballsy at those games and try to sneak a 5th in.

Anyway, they actually win. whole 4th quarter i just kept willing every cell to peyton urging him not to fuck up.

I know i did my part.

After we meet up at Finns for yet more alcohol, we stop by Carla to see everyone.

After the entire day of drinking, this is where it starts to get a little blurry. Now if aliens came to earth and asked me to provide a good sample of norther Louisiana, i would pick Shane to be the representative of that area. He shows us pictures of the fish he caught. Shane pours me a nice tall glass of whiskey. I has it.

Kelly and i get back to my apartment and decide it’s time to drink more. Jager shots and blaring Coma White at 1am.

It was really hard to describe the pain and suffering that was my ride to work this morning. The bonus, i had left my bike at work thursday because i went out drinking with a bunch of work people.  I had to ride the backup bike which was a epic fail compared to the normal bike i’m used to. Just fail left and right.


Kelly and i were laying in bed a week ago deciding on what to do for food and how to spend the rest of the afternoon. She says “okay let me just shower get ready and we”ll go”.

Kelly takes a while to get ready and we’re just going into the ghetto to buy bbq. Doesn’t require a shower, imo.

I gracefully inform her that she doesn’t need to get ready, that i’m hungry. I was, starving.

I say it in a manner that comes off very “no this is the way it’s gonna be”.

She turns to me and proclaims,


I’m the man! I have a penis! I’m gonna take it out, wave it around and tell YOU what to DO!

I kinda sit back agreeing with her and say “yeah! you’re right!” After all, I am the man, i has a penis!

She then says “okay well you do that while i get ready!”

In the end she didn’t shower tho 😀

remember kids, dope ass monitors and peanut jars full of beer.

since ive got a kegerator i’ve been a real fan of riding in the backs of cabs and after filling up a huge to go cup. it’s great sipping your beer on the interstate and talking with the wonderful men and woman of the new orleans cab companies. call the white fleet, they be the shit.


in my head i don’t feel like i get my money’s worth unless i can have a beer the entire cab ride.

i ran out of to go cups recently and even out of plastic cups that i don’t feel disposing of when i get to my location.

i look around and see a empty peanut jar. a quick wash(no soap) and i fill it with beer and wait for my cab. now those things are surprisingly big so i’m still finishing it when we get to the bar that kelly is having her show at.

i get out, pay the man and stand outside chugging the rest of my beer because i’m not going to walk into any bar like that.
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saints at the daiquiri shop

so watching the saints this season has been a real gamble. it sucks seeing them lose after the great season last year so you wonder why you’re taking time out of your day to get drunk and watch them.

they were playing the falcons tho so i had to go watch.

rode my bike up to the local daiquiri shop. now i know what i’m getting myself into. i’m used to being the only white guy in a room after living in memphis. the last time i watched a game up there i was at a table of butch black lesbians which i didn’t even know existed.

i get in and order my daiquiri with 3 shots of everclear to get the night started. i was kinda late so there are no empty tables and no stools at the bar. i stand there with my huge mug and start scanning. i find a guy sitting by himself, only 1 beer. huge guy, big gold chain. i ask him if i can sit there, he hesitates and says he has some friends coming, not sure how many. i tell him i’ll move when they get here.

i sit down and start watching. we don’t talk much but then his friends get here. 2 other guys he works with, one guy with a huge gold grill.

the other guy who sits down however, had his own gimmick. i try to break the ice and i ask them if we’re going win tonight. the guy says “oh you a saints fan?” and his friend goes “yeah he hates the saints”.

so after every play, every ref call, he’s cheering for the falcons in this bar full of drunk motherfuckers. i turn to the 1st guy and ask him if he has my back if people start throwing chairs at him. he explains to me that he just hates the saints now because they have just been playing so bad. i really can relate to this feeling. i have that feeling a lot too. even tho this is my 2nd season of watching the saints play, i decided i won’t be a fair weather fan. i’ve just uhh been busy the last few games where they have been stomped into the field.
they all start betting on the game with pitchers of beer and i decide to buy a round just to confirm in my head that they are going to let me sit at their “lunch table”. i bring the pitcher over and set it down and the falcons fan starts to reach. i turn to him and  say “oh no, this is only for my 2 fellow saints fans here”. laughter ensues.
things start getting really bad because ive already polished off the everclear daiquiri and ive been drinking off the pitcher i bought. they order a round of wings and hand me the basket to take one. now we are sharing a meal. after we get in a fight together we are all best friends.

now this is really bad but i don’t remember the bike ride home. i called kelly outside the daiquiri shop to tell her i loved her. i hope thats all i said. she didn’t seem mad when i saw her today so it was a positive drunk phone call. so rare.

i rode home with wings, probably very fast. the best part is i think i got them from laffiette’s cafe next door who have wing specials on saints games which means there was a possible experience that just didn’t stay in the buffer. i hate when that happens.

oh well, saints won, i ate hot wings and made some new friends. very positive update.

not men’s shorts

we went out drinking before the race this last sunday. i was trying to be responsible and just have a few beers but i distinctly remember 3 shots of jager. we wake up late, kelly drops me off near the start of the race. i have time for some light stretching and bam we’re off. i started too far back so the first quarter mile i almost break a few necks.

the day before i put 3 mars volta songs on the ipod. carefully arranged.

those few people in the beginning had no idea how close they were to a elbow to the back.

it’s stupid fucking hot for december 2nd, in the 80’s already at 8am. there are no timers on any of the mile markers and i didn’t bring a watch so i couldn’t even guess.

it was roughly about mile 2 there is a guy standing on the side of the path where everyone is running. wearing a jagermeister tshirt.

he almost got a whole bunch of jagermeister all over him.

i came in at 22 minutes, immediately went to the nearest patch of grass and laid down. a few cups of water and we head to the beer truck. abita truck. mmmmm

i see a few people from work but i still haven’t seen any of my bosses yet. finally i catch up with all 3 of them, all 3 of them wearing the white cotton corporate shirts we got specifically for the race. i’m wearing a black singlet. i get in between both of them while double fisting my abita ambers and the main boss takes the pic. i can’t wait to see it.

anyway, kelly drives me back to her place and cooks me some wonderful bacon and eggs. after i shower i remember i failed to pack something after the race. she tells me her shorts are in the bottom drawer. i pull out a pair of really short khaki shorts. i don’t even dig for anymore, this is the pair.

i find a really tight red t-shirt and i’m ready to go.

we stop at popeyes since i want to continue on the post race bad food bender. i tell her she has to go inside. i’m scared to go into popeyes dressed like this.

we make a stop at walgreens because i need to get marla at least a little food. i decide to go in.

i strut around in my little shorts and pick up a bag of dog food.

all kinds of stares.
i finally had to take them off when i got to the apartment. i’m going to see how long i can keep them over here, putting them on when i know kelly is coming over and acting surprised like she caught me 🙂

last night

So i met these 2 teenage girls, i can assume it was from the internet, it was very hazy. they were 18 tho. they told me while sitting in a hot tub that they were going to attempt to climb a mountain. i decide to tag along since this should be a spectacle. we went off to some state that had snow and a mountain, everyone at the town was impressed they were going to climb it. now this isn’t a normal mountain, it’s got this train that takes you up for the 1st part because it’s so rough. i’m not happy with this but i get on the train with the rest of the people going up near the top.

the train starts to go up and i’m suddenly starting to realize this is a terrible idea. me and a few others decide to just jump off and walk the rest of the way up. it’s that bad. i’m in such a hurry i leave my jacket and my red silk sheet. i remember thinking in the dream that it’s really weird to carry that type of blanket in this frozen hell hole but shrugging.
we get off and get about 50 yards away when the train heaves to one side and goes crashes off the mountain. i see the 2 girls and the conductor go flying out and disappear into the snow and destruction.
our group decides we gotta go back and check on them. we start climbing and it’s really rough going. we get to basically the top to look down on where the train disappeared. the guy leading the expedition starts pulling on this huge piece of rock we’re all kinda peering over. i look at him and say “stop it and no it’s not a good idea to use this to climb down”.

just then we see by the lake below, hundreds of boats all steaming over to where the train collapsed by some lake that none of us apparently saw?

it just took forever for all the red tape to get cut through to dispatch the boats.

we all come down the mountain. on the way down i find my silk sheet and my jacket, all frozen and balled up. i pick them up and we continue down, all bruised up and frost bitten.

the merry crew finally gets down and we meet up with the 2 teenagers at the hospital. we’re all bandaged up and they give us the invoices. omg mine is $770!

i pull out my insurance card and slam it down on the counter all proud that i have a $30 copay and i leave, waving goodbye to everyone.

melatonin makes for strange dreams. take 3 about 15 minutes before bedtime and all kinds of shit will seep out of your sub conscious apparently