Month: July 2002

I insantly turn on Star 98 and blare some Classic Rock, which seemed appropiate. I took it to Shelby Farms, got some good pics and drove it back.

Today however i pull up and they lead me to this monster of a vehicle. A 2000 Ford Excursion. This SUV has more space then my apartment and has almost as much electronics. With the 2 cd players, the DVD player in the back and the leather seats, this thing just doesn’t fucking play.

So i take it out to East Memphis to park it in front of one of those super nice houses out there for some good background. The drive on the interstate was all kinds of intresting tho. I pop in Meatloaf – Bat Out Of Hell II, crank that awesome stereo system, another thing my apartment doesn’t have and head east. Nothing better then pulling up to a stoplight and looking down on someone from your lofty point of view and seeing them cower at the Loaf.

I spot a really cool looking house and pull up on the driveway. I was greeted by 2 huge boxers, both looking really unfriendly and barking. Strike one. I start to pull into another driveway but see people in the garage. Strike two. Finally i find a place that doesn’t have anyone outside or vicious guard dogs, snap a few pics and roll out.

Tommorow’s car is the 96′ 300ZX. I’m gonna return it with a roach in the ashtray and a bunch of empty forties in the backseat.

Never before have i seen such technical support for a product i purchased. I’ve asked half a dozen questions in 2 days and he’s answered every one of them within a hour, solving every single problem i’ve ran into.

Imagine if Roadrunner or Bellsouth had tech support like this. Your cable light goes out and you pick up the phone and call some dude. He’s like “oh shit, just try this, that’ll do it” and it works. I actually feel good for buying this software. And yes, i am sober.

After he fixed crackhore.com for the 4th time today, i told him if he’s ever in Memphis that i got a couch and a forty with his name on it.

In other news i finally went grocery shopping. Yesterday i went the entire day on only a bran muffin and had the urge to start drinking. I really wanted to actually eat a meal before drinking. Just then Ian walks in the door carrying 3 boxes of Pizza from work. I eat a few pieces of supreme and i’m hooked up.

Now today i have a new problem. I don’t want to eat pizza anymore and i have 3 pizzas.

It’s a 5 speed tho. Toad doesn’t know how to drive a manual. So me and Marla hopped in one morning and drove around the block. I must have stalled it out at least a dozen times before Ian showed up and rode with me out to Covington Pike for a meeting. We only stalled twice on that.

After i realized that the floormat was catching on my Doc Martins and i ripped that fucker out, it was all gravey. I’m almost leet with manual and i actually own a car that rules.

It’s a weird feeling tho. I’ve always been a Fightclub kinda person or at least tried to keep that frame of mind. Physical possesions are for the weak. I know this, anyone with half a mind knows this, memories are better then anything that can be taken away. So it feels so weird to walk outside and see a l33t car and know it’s mine. Weird shit. I think i just enjoy driving it so much that i feel guilty

I feel sorry for all the people in Memphis who were honking at me stop lights when i try to jam it into 1st but they can go fuck themselves. When you see a car in front of you stall, you don’t honk. Honking makes them more nervous, more pissed and more likely to put the car in park and get out and beat you to death.

I’m not sure if i should title it as a Horemobile yet tho. Is it a Horemobile when i put the sticker on it? Is it a Horemobile or should i make up a new name for it? Blah oh well.

I cry, when angels deserve to be owned.

This year's theme was “Hail To The Empire!” so everyone was decked out in togas. Except me and my bathrobe.

While I was there I run into a Rick Sadosky(sp) from highschool. I didn't remember him until he told me his name but he later went on to tell me that i have a Hore Club at Notre Dame up north. So i gotta give a shout out to my people up there.

The night goes on and on with lots of drinking, etc and the pics start to get fucked up. You can tell by my update from that night that everyone involved was really drunk.

So Christy went to class the other day and left me alone with her dog and the History Channel. I hadn’t drank in 2 days and had just finished a monster workout on her stationary bike so a 40 started sounding really tight.

Since Christy lost her keys and only had one set, i couldn’t lock the door behind me. I figured since i’m only going 50 yards from her apartment it would be okay. I walk into the quaint little corner store, the kind of place we’d all be shopping at if Wal*Mart hadn’t taken over and grab a Heineken.

I don’t normally drink Heineken but i only wanted 1 forty so it seemed like a good choice. I take the bottle up and the lady casually asks if i have any ID. I reply “Of course” and slide her my liscense. She looks at it and then slides it back saying “I’m sorry, i can’t take this, it says Under 21 on it.” This is because I havn’t been in the mood to spend $10 and 2 hours of my life to get it renewed since i turned 21. I never thought it was a issue since no one had ever gave me any static over it. I calmy point out that it has my birthdate on it and that im the ripe age of 22. This doesn’t work. Apparently since it’s a out of state ID, she can’t understand that that’s my birthdate.

—Begin anger stage of update—

I smile at her, say “Heh okay whatever, i’ll even take it back to the cooler for you” and return my beer. This is my routine response for when someone treats me like shit. You act completely calm and cool about it, knowing that the fact that they got some power out of denying me beer gave them some little ego boost. This makes me feel better because people who feel better about themselves for pushing other people around over such simple things live even more pathetic lives then alcoholics like me.

buttTOAD: i hope i never get a gun.
Matthais: Why is that?
buttTOAD: www.crackhore.com
buttTOAD: because i’d kill people like that

Well not really. It didn’t cost that much but what hurts is i didn’t look at the time on my ticket until after it was too late. I am a idiot. I am too stupid to get home. I hope Christy wasn’t joking when she said she liked me cuz i’m in new orleans for another 2 days….thank god Ian is going to take care of Marla when my parents leave.

Chad offered to cash in a huge bucket of change i have in my apartment to use as gas money to come pick me up but i told him it’s cool. The train ticket wasn’t that much….it just sucked, i had already drank a 40, my Iriver, cellphone, and laptop were all charged up, the bottle of wine was already open and I find out I fucked up yet again.

When i walked back from the ticket counter i yelled to christy “How much do you love me?” and picked up my bags and started to walk to her car. Ah well, shit happens…now i gotta wait 5 hours for Angie to call to tell her that i’m not on the train and i don’t need a ride from the train station, hehe

buttTOAD: need my bucket of change fedexed to me so i can buy more beer 🙁
Chad: haha
Chad: ill cash it in for gas money and come pick you up
buttTOAD: lol
buttTOAD: good call
Chad: in your new car!
Chad: at 130 MPH it wont take long
Chad: i would seriously do it next weekend

The reasons are complex tho. I just woke up from a nightmare that i got caught shoplifting it from Bestbuy. The dream was so lucid that i could read the serial number off the cd right before a horde of police officers stormed through all entrances and trapped me in the stereo section. I figured it was a sign.

It feels kinda weird tho, im actually supporting Blizzard for once. For those of you who know me in real life, you know my “Buying software is for faggots and pussies” rule but for once i thought i should support um. They’ve given me years of entertainment at no cost so i figure i guess i owe it to them. That and i couldn’t find a serial number for it so it was either a) not play warcraft anymore and find something else to waste my time on or b) buy it.

So in 2 business days i will receive my own copy of Warcraft 3 – Reign Of Chaos. I’ll open the box, stare at the glossy finish, rip that box open and install my legal copy. Then on my other computer I’ll load up a fat list of mp3s on my pirated operating system and beat down some Orcs.

After kicking in the door to the bathroom and trying to get a pic of Christy topless, im sent back to computer again.

Last night i was having a really weird dream where Marla had destroyed something. I smacked her in the face and woke up when it didn’t feel like Marla that i had hit. I open my eyes and see i had just smacked Christy in the face. I quickly closed my eyes and rolled over, praying that she didn’t wake up and fell back asleep. The next morning i waited to hear about it. After about 2 hours she asks “do you remember smacking me twice in the face last night?” I don’t even remember the 2nd time…

Ugh today has been so unhealthy…..warmed up Popeyes from last night for breakfast with a Coke….a plain cheese pizza for lunch while we watched Requiem For a Dream, then 2 doughnuts(1 chocolate covered with sprinkles and a cream filled glaze) for dinner. Now the bottle of wine gets opened……

After Christy went to class and the bottle of Livingston was once unscrewed i thought about it some more. Do i really want a vehicle that encourages offroad driving? Every 2-3 months i would get drunk and drive the Camry through my apartment’s backyard, do i really want something that would make it possible to drive up hills, etc? Probably not.

It’s really weird to not have my car anymore. I spent more time in that car then i did most of my apartments. That car got me home on more nights when i shouldn’t have been driving, was the place of more drug use, the most anger, the most depression, the most happiness, then any other single place. Across the country and back again, that car went through hell and back with me…..

Well, Christy gets home from class in 40 minutes and i promised to do the dishes…..wait for another wine soaked update tommorow…tata