Month: August 2005

i was wondering on the drive home today if i should even wonder about myself. there is no way i am either good or evil, i am both.

my mom called me last week and said there was smoke coming out of the computer, giving off a putrid burning smell.

i stop by bestbuy and pick up a new power supply and pick one up, head to their house. damn, i bought the wrong size, for some reason the little power supply wont plug into the motherboard, too big. thanks.

back to best buy. i return the power supply and say im going to grab another one. i walk to the power supply aisle and start opening the boxes, tearing off the shrink wrapping, looking at the end of the plugs to see if it’s the right size. halfway through the 3rd box a bestbuy employee asks me if he can help me with anything. i close the box, finally finding the right power supply, say naw im good and walk to the checkout.

in retrospect it wasn’t really that evil. i mean, im a little proud of myself. when i returned the power supply i couldn’t use, i actually returned it instead of putting the burnt one in the box and returning that instead.

scoutMASTERtoad: yeah but when you are a small business owner in memphis
scoutMASTERtoad: you don’t like your web developer comparing himself to your lord jesus christ
Impearljam: hahaha
Impearljam: ye maybe
Impearljam: but they are narrowminded anyway
scoutMASTERtoad: why, because they worship some dead jew instead of their webdesigner?

most

offensive

update

ever.

look, i don’t hate jews or jesus more then the next um, god. you could scroll up and delete it but jesus would be upset if i did….or i think he would.

at least no one has died in this update

i like updates about roaches. no one likes roaches, except creepy roach liking people. i think thats why i really like any stories that have to do with them.

my friend sam told me this story last week when he did this. it has nothing to do with me but i havn’t had a very intresting day so sam’s story will have to tide you over until i do something funny.

a little preface for people who don’t know who sam is.

i used to hangout with sam after highschool and met a lot of his weird twisted friends. now this very early toad, like thoughts, opinons, sense of humor, all still developing. and im hanging out with this weirdo. i am forever twisted from this. it keeps going with stories like this and fucked up links he sends me on aim.

anyway

sam works at a office. i can’t describe it because ive never seen it but just picture a normal office with normal people. sam goes to the bathroom, which he probably does quite a bit. while in the bathroom he sees a huge roach walking across the bathroom floor.

sam picks up the roach and sets it on top of the urinal, so anyone who goes in there and pees has to stare at it. just imagine it, you’ve drank a bunch a coffee and really gotta pee but you look over and there is some elite cockroach, still alive, but on it’s back, little legs twitching, trying it’s best to get right side up.

so all day people have gone in, saw this and asked sam if he did he it. he’s sitting there listening to god knows what, on repeat, just to annoy people.

i think what i like about this story is it’s a good example of people just recognizing sam’s work. like “we know you did this cuz no one else would and we know the cockroach didn’t just fall down like that”.

so fucked up. fucking weirdo.

gawd what a stupid fucking day.

i spent most of last night trying to clean some super nasty spyware from my work machine. you would think that someone who spends every waking moment at the computer wouldn’t get spyware but shit happens.

god fucking kill

i wake up after 2 natural ice tallboys and it’s still here. finally after a bunch of registry edits, i am clean as a nubile virgin.

now on to shopping cart hell. i waste another hour of my life editing a config file, stumbling thru like a blind man. finally i give up and pay a website that deals only in installing oscommerce and i consider the matter done.

after a small mental break down, i decide some design work might ease the nerves. i build a site for a car detailing business. a few albums later i email my design to the project manager. he walks across the street and shows the client and walks back. they like it.

good, finally, something goes right. the last 2 weeks have been a nightmare work wise. everything i touch, from designs to shopping carts, turns instantly to runny poop. just instant shit the moment i login and say “sup” it’s gonna just go up in flames.

going to get in shower and head to merrit’s going away dinner and hopefully drink away the webdesign blues.

Databit: Where oh where have you been my Toad
Databit: Where oh where could you be
Databit: It’s been so long since the moon has gone
Databit: and oh what a website you made me
Databit:
Are you there over the aim?
Are you there up in the net?

Until the return of my Toad, this lullaby
Databit:
My site is on the horizon
Every tablet your site I can see

I plead and pray though each night and day
Our chat is only a dream

And sure as days come form moments
Each page becomes a internets

When you idle’d, I’d only begun this lullaby

i hate oscommerce.

i don’t rant about how much it sucks picking sites out in massa’s field but today sucks.

there’s a old saying in webdesign. it’s easier to tear down the train wreck you already have up there, start from a fresh, pure, tight, virgin copy of the software you’re trying to get happy. Thus learning from the mistakes you made before, but when you do this and then have the same problem, it gets a tad frustrating.

i think i learned a pretty important one. never, ever, try to cram the application into the design. simply let the application do whatever it wants and try your best to apply the design.

oh well, it doesn’t really matter.

anyone can see.

it doesn’t really matter, to me.

when you’re trying to get the money for the Bush.

i miss you already, wes.

im glad i helped wes with a great project today. the pope who said “hey paint this chapel really crazy” is wes. i did a wonderful photoshop job for wes that made me feel useful for the first time on tuesday.

sorry i was so fucked up. 🙂 it’s still a work of art, you have to call me the second you know if it “works” or not.

it’s weird how certain people play off each other and then when you add the 3rd,4th and 5th factor it just gets super crazy. think warcraft and how blues drops. they comes often and it’s great.

ugh how do u recover from a warcraft joke……….

anyway.

our wes leaves us thursday for grenada, not MS, the island. i’ve added him to the index to hopefully encourage him to write a accurate description of what it’s like.

i gave him a a dozen or so of koozies tonight, so if i don’t see a single Grenada “naked girls with your koozie” pic, im going to be disappointed, wes.

okay wes, i’ve emailed you the info to update your blog, i have your phone number to call if you don’t update 3-4 days.

have fun, see u in 4 months.

for the win

I KNOW IT’S YOUR DAY IN THE SUN

LAST TIME I CHECKED

HE CAME TO LIGHT THE LAMP FOR ANYONE.

hmm, normal people who read this site(lol) know what it’s like to just feel slightly hungover, enough to where you want to kill yourself, but not enough to want to deal with the consequences.

(sp()

after a short frustrating hours of html, i go to wish dev a happy birthday. 4 beers x 2 each at tracs = 8. i love when i get math right.

i stop by andy’s to steal some dvd’s to pirate. wes and merritt come by. blur blur blur blur. i stop and by beer, blur blur blur. i get home and willie is outside.

drinking beer with willie = win

hanging out with my next door neighber willie is the reason i wake up everday now. i just sat out and chilled with him on the porch with marla, a 40 of beer(he doesn’t drink) and marla’s frisbee.

it’s so great to live next to normal real people.

this one was close.

it started pouring down rain about 2 hours before the party.

around 9 wes decides to move the party to the patio. we start to setup the tiki torches when we realize we need a funnel to pour the lighter fluid or else this could be a potential firely patio of death.

i run across the street to circle k and get a oil funnel which almost led to bastard ball 6, memorial for toad.

anyway, torches lit, merritt shows up with the decorations, keg is pulled out and the destroying of internal organs begins.

it’s funny that the update kinda stops when the beer starts flowing, the pics in the image gallery explain it tho.

Bastard’s Ball V

I met a hero of mine today. Someone who touched my life at a very early age with his bars and clubs.

Story:

I went out to eat with my parent’s for my mom’s birthday at Pete & Sam’s, a great Italian resturant.

When we are leaving we notice a truck covered in PRINCE MONGO FOR SENATE stickers on it.

On his way out, he slows down almost to a complete stop because my car, my parent’s car and some random truck are making exit a little slow. He pulls up right next to my car, where i’m digging through my truck for my mom’s birthday present.

I hand her present and reach back into the trunk and grab a crackhore koozie and hand it to Prince Mongo who is parked right next to me.

He reaches into the back of his truck and hands me a bunch of Prince Mongo For Senate stickers.

You have my vote, Prince Mongo.

I wish i had been quick enough to hand you a shirt along with the koozie but i’m sure our paths will cross again.