fuck you timewarner

having internet access kicks ass

at least thats what i remember. i wake up at 6am….can’t go back to sleep once i wake up since every waking second of the day is spent working and consuming alcohol/drugs to make myself sleep again that night. it’s okay since it’s 6am, i’ll have a jump on the work day, lets go get started.

I buckle my pants, kiss valerie on the forehead, grab a shirt, my empty glass of wine and shuffle to the computer. im greeted by a “aim cannot connect” window. none of the computers on the network seem to be chilling on the net.


i check my overdue timewarner bill….not due til the 29th….i should have 3 more days of happiness. i dial timewarner, tell the dude whats wrong, ask for my ticket number and open notepad to start on my morning update, even tho you fuckers won’t see it until timewarner decides to bless me with a ip address again. the tech says our local office doesnt open til 8am. i tell him i guess i’ll look at porn for 2 hours until they’re open and hangup.

i can’t describe how hard it is to make websites without the internet. hence the big blazing notepad window taking up both monitors and dreamweaver minimized.

brb getting a clean glass.


this update is brought to you by Black Box Wines. now most of you, wait, all of you are going “box wine, toad must have finally gotten his trailer”. this stuff is different tho. it’s 3 liters, equal to four 750 mil bottles of some dank ass european wine. this fact is slightly depressing since im now draining the last few drops out of it. boxes, bottles, they all fall.

wow i forgot how much i really like the internet. sure do wonder what everyone is doing right now. sure do wonder if i’ve gotten any email. sure do wonder if i’ll get all my work done today.

starting to run out of things to update about. oh yeah, my crackhore.com koozies(huggies) arrived 2-3 days ago. a huge box of 500. sure wish i could check to see if i’ve gotten any orders.

really starting to run out of things to talk about it and i still have a hour and a half before timewarner opens again.


back online, i spent the rest of the time writing a letter of recomendation to my hosting company. i really want my sales guy to get a good letter so i spent some time writing it.


im really really tired, can’t talk let alone type, going to sleep, i just want to mark this moment of esteem.

nathan could have said he was going to bed or he was busy studing. instead he gave me a ride home, saving me from a inevitable walk thru the ghetto.


so not moderation

So last week i was hanging out with valerie’s friends, enjoying a quiet evening at the apartment. We’re all sitting around, watching tv, having a few drinks and light discussion. I casually mention how i have about 30 minutes after each meal before the shaking comes on. They laugh to themselves and then say “wait are you serious, do you think you have a problem?” My response is that the only problem is when im not drinking or not asleep.

So after that i decided imma be a little more professional with my drinking for a change. Wait that came out wrong. Anyway, i decided im going to try and only drink after 6pm, the end of the business day. Then after 6pm i can eat all the sleeping pills and drink all the beer i want.

Problem is 6pm rolls around and i drink 3 forties, washing down the 3 unisom and i wake up out in the front yard. It’s like i calculate how much alcohol i should have drank during the day and cram it all in at once. Dunno if this is better or worse.

“St Patricks day, a very special holiday, where most ethnic groups need a entire month to celebrate their heritage, the Irish only want one day where they can be drunk” – Tom