crackhore.com : your choice for all drunken election coverage

we are all doomed.

no wait, kerry can still win.

this is so fucked.

see, i was optimistic, and look where it got me.

honestly i need to stop looking at politics like something i do know about.

im just looking at numbers.

shit is different on every liberal or neo con site i go to but it still looks like bush is ahead by just a tiny bit.

and doesn’t look like anyone is even close to finishing counting.

this shit won’t be done till like saturday morning.

honestly don’t even care anymore…..if bush wins and the entire world goes “omfg, wtf” and shit gets really really bad, you just gotta play on that fact.

at the apocalypse, someone will be selling shotgun shells and can goods and still updating their site.

just gotta kind look on the bright side, ya know?

(crackhore viewers pause as they realize, yup, mad not sober)

just saying, because a bunch of dogs died when they helped find survivors at the 9/11 site, now can exist at e-commerce site that sells masks to filter out shit for dogs at diaster sites.

actually i might start working on that.

little masks for dogs to search thru all the destroyed buildings that are going to come soon? god we are so fucked.

i know if you’re reading this terrible account of what it’s like to be trapped in this scary country, you don’t get it. but then again you’re probably strapping explosives to yourself since you’re watching the elction news too..

maybe im just being paranoid, maybe the economy will start going up, gas prices will go, people will stop getting owned in iraq, shit even if kerry pulls ahead while im typing this, it will still probably won’t happen.

i forgot i’m in happy land.

Okay, if you read thru that, i can give you my “voting story” for today.

THE FIRST TIME I VOTED:

BY SCOUT M TOAD

first time voter, really nervous. just so afraid of voter fruad, so afraid bush is going to get re-elected, not thing right.

i show up by myself to my voting place, totally unshaven, wearing a pair of town up gray pants and a t-shirt i pulled out of the drawer in a rush earlier, with a multiple little brownish stains one side of it(not a lot).

i walk in, show them my id and i walk up to the booth. i’m really afraid of voting booths, i heard they were confusing and that’s the reason bush got elected first. i’m thinking this is going to be the sat and the act all over again.

for some reason instead of walking behind the little curtain, i think “okay, i gotta walk behind this little box”. So i walk behind the box and i see like 2 dozen colored lights, plugs and shit. It has a little shallow cut out. I turn to the dude, who is kinda unshaven, probably reads this site, and he’s like “no dude you gotta go into the curtain”.

it makes a lot of sense suddenly.

i mutter to him “drank too much last night, sorry”.

“naw dude, i hear ya”

I vote for my candidate, ask the guy how to “finish”, he shows me the huge green button that’s slightly hidden, i punch it and walk out.

i get home around 8pm. I walk out of the bathroom and notice some writing on the back of my shirt.

It says J WAGS and PUMPING STATION in huge bold black letters.

(Two really popular gay bars in Memphis)

I realize what shirt i’ve been wearing all day.

About 2 years ago, my friend Sek gave me this shirt, well, lets just say he found it. He’s not gay tho, just happened to get it. I shouldn’t even mention him in this but it makes me feel less gay that he gave it to me? i dunno

It’s a typical “race t-shirt” with a pair of running shoes and some cursive text. When i put the shirt on i didn’t realize it says “I’d run a mile in their shoes”. It’s a fun run supporting the local gay memphis community 🙁

At the voting booth. At every store i’ve been to. At the resturant i had lunch with my dad while wearing it.

All day i’ve been feeling this “people are laughing at you” feeling and i just coughed it up to being paranoid. Instead it’s because im a walking hate crime just waitng to be committed.

Just picture my teeth on the curb, some Republican saying “I HATE FAGGOTS, NOT WELCOME!” Toad thinks he’s dying a martyr to democrats when in reality he’s dying cuz he didn’t read the shirt he pulled out of the drawer this morning.