merry jesusmas



got that?

well a few last updates before the end.

i had a job interview thursday. it’s been postponed or probably cancelled thanks to the first snow in 15 years in memphis.

my car was supposed to be towed thursday. this was also cancelled/postponed.

fucking snow.

fucking christmas.

fucking jesus.

glad i’m dying soon. glad he’s already dead. glad i have work in 24 hours. this has been the worst christmas ever.

but i’m sure next christmas will be worse…..thats one of the only gurantees right now.

oh well, for all of you who are doing better then me.

i’m coming after you soon.

you were wrong that he forgot about it.

merry xmas 🙂

JaneCare- affordable memphis Health care

For many of us the problem of affordable heath care is a daunting and scary process, the health care and drug industry have spent the past few years in a enterprise of misdirection with the American people over the growing cost of health care. First of all do not be fooled by the all the talk of the “trial lawyers”, to think that all of a sudden Lawyers just started chasing ambulances in the past five years , is not only naive, but slightly absurd. The cost of lawsuits is a drop in the bucket to an industry that operates on profit margins in the billions, and the ugly truth is the only thing Corporations understand is money, without the lawsuits we could not control them.
The fact is that administrative costs, as well as inflated executive salaries, and a host of “hidden fees” and just plain greed are the true culprits.
What can working people do up against a system armed with armies of lobbyists and lawyers at their command. Organizations that will sell, and profit from drugs and procedures that may or may not be what they claim they are. The answer may surprise you.

JaneCare- affordable health care for all Memphis residents.

The plan is simple, The city of Memphis would set up a legal entity called JaneCare and that incorporation would be open to membership to any resident of Memphis, Once the target number of applicants has been reached, “200, 000, the city of Memphis could then use the membership of JaneCare to collectively bargain with the health care providers, for a bulk rate that would lower the overall costs to the consumer to an affordable level. This rate would account for an expected number of drop outs and based on a formula to maintain fiscal balance.
The principal of health care is simple, in the fact that those who pay..always have and always will pay more, as they offset the loss of those who cannot, or simply do not pay. The current problems arise when the equilibrium in this economic food chain is disrupted, now because of the economic hardships we face today, the number of those who pay has decreased, and the number of those not paying has increased….therefore the logical way to lower cost for all is to restore the balance in the system, and allowing private citizens to unite and bargain in numbers for better prices will result in a net gain of Americans paying for Health care, thus reducing the burden on those who currently do, and reducing the amount of public funds needed to support the overwhelmed emergency services.
The corporations do it, when they negotiate health care packages for their employees, unions do it for their members, so why cannot normal working Americans do the same?
The fact is folks is that you are already paying for it, you pay for it with your high premiums, your high co pay, and your tax dollars to go to government programs that support those who do not have insurance. That being said if you are going to pay for a system anyway, then let’s make it a system that liberates people from poverty and government assistance, not one that traps people in poverty and jacks the cost, of “life” so high many of us cannot afford to live.
JaneCare would also have a local stimulative effect on the economy as now people would not wait until their death beds to go get medical attention, which will give the long term benefit of quality of life, but also the economic benefit of increased revenue, and jobs in the local medical sector. The American worker does not want a hand out. The American worker does not want charity. The American worker wants and deserves a health care system he can afford, and that he or she can pay on their own.
The government of this city would simply facilitate this process, by cutting out the middle men and thus avoid alot of the administrative cost that Health care providers deal with.
The benefit could also be seen as as more and more people sign up, thus the bargaining power of Janecare will grow as well. Corporations could also benefit as if Janecare benefits surpassed the insurance the corp provides, many of their employees will let their company policy drop in favor of Janecare, while at the same time allowing them to cut their own Human resources costs.One thing Corporations love doing…cutting costs.
Small businesses will be able to join in and thus provide benefits for their employees at a lower cost.Is this universal health care…no….is this a free ride…no You will still get that bill in your mail box, and you will still have to pay it or be dropped from coverage, but this could be an effective way of checking the unmatched and sometimes predatory tactics of an industry that now is spiraling out of control.
The final benefit I can see is an advancement of the city’s image and over time, affordable health care in the Memphis city limits would have a curbing effect on “White Flight ”
as well as attract new resident back to the city. In time property owners in this city would see their homes increase in value.
The working people of Memphis work very hard, and they do this for less and less as the years go by, They live in a city where crime is unchecked, where our education system is failing our young, and a leadership from downtown to Washington D.C. that turns a blind eye to their plight…is it really so much to ask that they be allowed to get medicine and medical treatment when they are sick?
Is it too much to ask that their children not suffer because of the family and neighborhood they were born into?
Do only the well to do have a right to live?


so i was in jail all last night and most of today.

long story.

anyway, i learned a really important lesson about wandering around cordova while drunk.

around 3am i went for a walk after drinking 3 forties. i ended up in the woods, walking near this creekbed. it’s like 15 degrees outside but for some reason this isn’t bothering me. maybe the beer.

so i walk probably 20 miles into the woods and realize that i have no idea where i am, which direction i’ve been going in for the last 2 hours. i finally come across a fence. i figure, a fence is a good sign, i can use this to navigate back to the road, which i can use to get home.

i walk around the fence, wondering where the fuck i’ve ended up. then the familar sight of flashing blue lights. now when your drunk and you see lights, the best advice is to run. wait, thats not the best advice. thats the worst advice.

so after a lengthy chase through the woods, ala The Fugitive, but drunk, the cops get their man. me….

handcuffed, walked thru the woods, trying to explain to them that “i’m not a criminal, i make websites”. this isn’t a valid reason to be in the woods in the middle of the night. i think some more. “im looking for my dog, she got out a few mintues ago, i know she’s around here somewhere”. they take pity on me and my imaginary lost dog and drop me off at my house. i am distraught about my imaginary dog. they take pity on me.


So a few weeks ago someone msged me on aim. This happens a lot. Since i am physically addicted to aim.

He asks me a few questions about my latest posts, mostly which are about suicide and car problems. He signs off. (don’t know it’s a he, could have been a she)

Last night in my unisom and vodka time of the evening, i msg him/her and ask “sup”. We talk briefly and he/she mentions that she knows of a company that is hiring a webdesigner. I forward him/her my resume and pass out reading Jurassic Park.

I wake up today feeling like death, shower and ride to work with my boss.

Around 9am i get a phonecall from a number i don’t recognize. They leave a voicemail. It’s the company he forwarded my resume to, they want to meet me asap. They mention that Jason gave them my resume. Okay, it’s a he.

I’m meeting them next week. If this job goes thru, which it might, this will be the 4th web job i’ve gotten thru aim.

I’m writing this only to post to the IT manager at my current contract who said “messenger programs are useless.”

thank you jason

observations of the office life

well it’s been a few weeks at my new contract. i’ve never worked in a enviroment this corporate before and it’s definetely been a intresting little social experiment. so far here are the things i’ve noticed:

1) Who are you, what do you do here, how old are you
When i first started this job, i was greeted by a bunch of very friendly people. Everyone wanted to know my name and what i did there. Also how old i was, which i found slightly offending. I was even more offended when they asked if i worked in the warehouse. I kinda thought that after the whole dot com boom with 18 yr olds driving Corvettes, etc, that people recognized if you have skillz you can get paid. The weird part is i was introduced to them when they asked my name but i can’t remember a single person’s name. It’s weird, i dunno if it’s because they all look the same or if it’s just minor brain damage from alcohol….or both…

2) People care about how im doing
So all these people i’ve met have to ask how i am when they pass me in the hall, in the break room, etc. Depending on what time of the day, my repsonses range from “well, im doing okay for a INSERTDAYOFWEEK morning.” In the afternoons i fall back on the usual “im doin okay”. What’s weird is if you’ve been reading any posts lately, i am pretty fucking far from fine. Yet it’s easier to tell them im doing “okay”.

3) Free coffee is blessing in disguise
It’s kinda like those old DARE commercials where they talk about how you get the first “hit” for free and then you gotta pay for the rest. Well, it’s kinda like that except it’s just free. Pot after pot of coffee. As much coffee as i can crank into my poor body can handle i come to a scary realization. Back in the wonderful days of sitting at home making websites, i partook in drugs and alcohol to enhance my terrible graphic design skills. Now that i am in this strange corporate nightmare, drinking jug wine and blaring Tori will is not…in the usage agreement i signed. So when life gives you lemons, you make lemonaide. But when the corporate empire gives you free coffee, you drink as much as possible to where it starts to mimic uppers.

4) Most job firings occur because of your attitude, not your job performance
I am very frightened of losing this contract because i really really fucking need the money. Like after this contract is up, we will procede to plan b. Which includes auctioning off most of my material items on this site. So i’m trying to stretch this contract out as long as possible. This has included being as friendly as possible with the people i’ve recognized as the “big whigs”. Today, when one of them came into our area of the office, he mentioned to my boss that his wife, who’s picture was on his desk, was way too cute to be with him. I’m sitting there watching my superior code and i smile and say “Naw, that picture of the girl had to have come with the frame, i’ve seen the same pic at Target”. My joke, made without the use of the word “rape”. I’m very proud. lol *wink*

5) Riding to work with your boss and seeing some redneck look at porn
No, seriously. I ride from my parent’s house to my office with my boss. He lives right around the corner and i give him gas to pick me up and take me home everyday. It works out for him since our gas prices are totally fucked and it works for me cuz…my life is totally fucked. Today on walnut grove, we just driving along. He looks over and sees some redneck in a truck looking at a magazine. He turns to me and says “holy shit did you see that?”. I apparently didn’t. He’s goes “omg that guy is looking at porn!”. The traffic comes to a halt again and i look out the window. This unshaven redneck, complete with redneck jacket and redneck hat is looking at porn in rush hour traffic. We both are like “omfg, wtf” as i verify that he actually is, looking at porn, in rush hour traffic, on walnut grove, at fucking 7:30am. My superior says “wow, you gotta be in a bad place to have to look at porn on the way to work”. I am, for once, speechless. I justify it in my mind. If i have to be up this early, i like to drink beer. Porn is kinda like beer and…ugh no it’s still just fucked up in my head. We get in I-240 behind this pervert. He’s now cruising at like 65mph still flipping thru his porn and swerving in his lane. We thankfully pass him and i didn’t hear about any wrecks. But this dude is probably going to do this sick ritual tommorow, and tommorow. Just think, one day this pervert is going to kill your family.

Wow okay, better end this now with a nice closing paragraph. Wait for it, wait for it…

All and all, i’ve really enjoyed the last few weeks. Thank god none of them know about my evil site. Not yet. *roar*

not healthy

i’ve been watching a lot of tv lately. a lot.

lots of police chases, cop shows, etc.

i’ve started to notice a disturbing trend.

i’m always rooting for the guy being chased by the cops.

weaving in and out of traffic, wrong side of the road, over sidewalks…i always want them to get away.

they never do.

if i was bill gates or donald trump or anyone of significant riches, i would have them outfit some crazy Porsche or something, spefically built to run from police. I would then run into a Circle K, grab a snicker’s bar or a hot dog, wait for the clerk to the call the police and book out to my car. I’d jump in, strap on my 5 point seat belt, put on my helmet and wait. As soon as the blue lights appear in the rear view mirror, i floor it.

I follow my pre planned route, based on what i know of the area and see how long i could keep the chase going.

Then, when i finally get caught, which always happens…my lawyers fly in on a helicoptor and i get off with a simple shoplifting charge.

I need to get into real estate, i can’t do this on a web designer salary.

always wear clean underwear

yah know, if i was dead, i don’t think i’d care about the condition of my underwear.

something obviously went really really wrong in my day for strangers to be going thru my pants(or something really right lol), but god, you’re laying there without a head or massive wounds, cold and dead, why should you care?

it’s not like doctors can really discuss this stuff with the public because of that oath they give, right?

you also gotta wonder about any doctor who is like “damn, dude is dead….lets check out those fruit of the looms… yup, this dude was rolling fresh.”

fuck it.

i’ve also heard that when you die that your bowels release, so it wouldn’t really matter if you’ve been wearing that chicks thong for 2 weeks or 2 hours. i guess the idea of dying in a chick’s thong kinda ruins my whole argument, okay ignore this paragraph.

in fact, just forgot you read this update

goodbye cruel world, walk on by

Well, my mustang needs a new engine. I hate you, Jesus.

Not good news. if anyone would like to paypal me $1,200 for a new engine and the labor, go ahead.

It’s a really good thing i don’t give a fuck about my life, my future or my cars or else this would be really depressing news. *reads line over and over until i believe it*

At least it’s given me a lot of good content for my upcoming book, titled Would You Like To Save Changes To SuicideNote.txt?

it’s now time to get plan b rolling, which is get my my del sol which is currently in a barn in Mississippi, have it towed to memphis and have someone finish dropping the engine in.

this plan requires my friend in MS not to screw me over, finding a place that can work on a honda in memphis without requiring my first born child, and the money to pay them.

no wonder i’m depressed, typing this out makes it even more depressing then it seems.

oh well.

i have wine, sleeping pills and tori amos mp3s. This is almost like my apartment. Except it’s my parent’s house.

I’m not sure but this feels like rock bottom. No car, a apartment that im paying rent, utilities and cable at, yet i can’t go there since it’s on the other side of the city. I think of it like my summer home that i never get to go to. Also since i probably won’t have a fucking car until summer, it will be a summer home.

Today i walked to the liquor store near my temp job’s office. You know you’re in a bad part of town when you walk into a liquor store and there is a foot of bullet proof glass between you and the liquor. You point like a monkey at the bottle you want, press your id against the glass and then slid your credit card thru the slot. Then, just like a vending machine, the redneck gives you your wine thru a little drawer.

I walk back into my little corporate world, carrying a huge brown paper bag. My superior, Chad, asks what’s in the bag. I tell him it’s data entry juice.

Chad gives me a ride back to my parent’s house and i walk in with my brown bag. My mom asks what’s in it. I tell her it’s Bibles.

She isn’t fooled.

Now i’m back in front of their computer, playing tori that margo sent me, drinking my jug of wine, eating my sleeping pills, wondering how much longer my mind and body can take this.

Everyone keeps telling me this will work out in the end but i really doubt it at this point. In their defense, when you’ve kinda hit rock bottom, like i apparently have, you can only go up, right? Right? No. It can always get worse. It probably will.

Last night after drinking a bottle of my parent’s wine i had some really intresting dreams. I had access to this portal that could take me in to any time and any place, anything i thought of. I dunno why but i kept asking it to take me to really random things, like “ice cream” and other random words. The little portal finally said “Okay, stop fucking around, why don’t you try something a little more significant?”. I go “okay, give me a suggestion?” It says, “Why don’t you ask me to take you to hell, because after you see that then you’ll appreciate every living moment you have left.”

The alarm goes off. Snapped back to reality.

Is my subconscience trying to tell me something?

Joe Paycheck Meeting Dec. 12th

The public issues forum is a local group that has been active for the past ten years here in the Memphis area. This nonpartisan group has worked for a variety of causes, by not only spreading information, but hosting speakers on such vital local issues, such as Criminal reform, separation of church and state, the Living wage, as well as riverfront renewal.
I feel that these “old Lions” can really get us focused in the right direction, and in our struggle we will need all the friends, allies, and partners we can get.
The meeting is on Sunday, Dec. 12th, at 2:30pm, at the central library on poplar ave.
afterwards we can all go to Neil’s on madison and mclean to have lunch and discuss our future plans and goals.
I hope to see you there.
At this meeting they will discuss the issues that they will pursue in the comming year. and elect officers.There is much potential to this, we will only have impact if and when the progressive movement in this area can coordinate.The choice is one of two or three large groups allied, verses ten to twelve small groups, all going it alone.
I hope to finally meet some of you there and
If you would please post if you can or cannot make this one, on the Joe Paycheck Society of Tennessee group page.

Thank you.