Post office + Segway = Not Happy

Theres a phrase that I use quite frequently.

Not Happy.

The verbal expression of disgust, anger, or hatred. Expressing your emotions outloud.


I really wanna know who makes the decisions in this city. Who thinks that Segways are a better idea then finishing the 10 year project that is the Sam Cooper high way extension. It’s not so much that they arn’t finishing it, the fact they started on it, paid for all this work then just let it rott. This is also the city that barely has any public schooling with air conditioning.

For those of you aren’t familar with the Segways, it’s basically the next step in the devolution of our species. I love electronics. I carry at least 3 of them when I leave the safety of my apartment. But fuck, theres a line. WE HAVE LEGS FOR A FUCKING REASON! I CLOSE MY EYES AND I SEE A SEA OF STARBUCKS AND MCDONALDS WITH SEGWAY LINES WRAPPING AROUND THE BUILDING. THEY SLOWLY PULL UP THE GAS, RECEIVE THEIR FOOD AND DRIVE OFF IN THEIR SEGWAY, SWEAT STREAMING DOWN THEIR FACE FROM EFFORT.


God. Overton Park has been under construction for over a year and the postman get fucking Segways. Central Ave is starting to look like New Orleans. And the postmen get Segways.

Going back to bed…

The Ohio Update

I went for Chrissy and Brandon's wedding in Warren Ohio. The 2nd day my cousin Abbey came and picked me up to show me her drinking spots. Abbey rules, i get in the car and she's blaring Sublime. It rules having a cool cousin.

Me and my lil' Sister. You can see the wine in my eyes.


Here is me and my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob owns.


It's so much fun to get loaded on red wine in front of dear old mom.


Aunt Patty in the fucking house!


God, haha, this is my Uncle Tony, by far the coolest uncle ever. I couldn't take a pic like the ones above cuz i'd be afraid he'd take me out back and beat me. This one will have to do.


Here is a really cool tunnel with lights in the Detriot airport. It was really leet so of course i gotta stand on a trash can and embarass my family more.


Here i am trying to get a ip address from a WEP encrypted access point in the Cleveland airport.


After hour one of the layover I felt the urge to do something i wasn't supposed to do no matter how trite and small.


Mom was so embarassed.

As we got on the last plane we walked through the first class section while the stewardess was asking if they wanted any wine. The last guy in the aisle said “Naw im okay” and i piped up and jokingly said “I'll take his!” and strolled back to my seat. A few moments later she comes back with a plastic cup and says “you're 21 right?” and hands it to me. My parents and sister just stare and wonder why the hell random people are bringing me alcohol free of charge. I just smile and shoot my wine and start out the window.

Reindeer Games


It was only a matter of time before this happened. The reindeer and sleigh lasted about 48 hours before it happened. Where they came from, i dunno, but ny best guess is they belonged to the woman that lived above me. But as far as i can figure she moved out and left them for me. Probably thanks for all the nights of In Utero blaring at 3am.


The best part about this night was that about 3 seconds after this pic was taken a white Blazer pulled up into my apartment’s parking lot. We all run laughing hysterically back into the apartment and pray to god that those weren’t the owners of the reindeer.

I underestimated my own weight and the reindeer collapsed right after this pic was taken but it still seems so stand okay. The next step will be getting them to light up.

And of course, Steve has to make yet another “intresting” appearance on as he sodomizing my poor reindeer.



I noticed his huge gates were open and i continued to drive by. Then i felt that little voice in my head that i hear whenever i see something i want to steal or property i wish to trespass. I turn around and drive down his driveway. Since he was having some kind of celebration, the gates were open and the Horemobile coasted into sacred land.

I notice some people walking in his beautiful tree covered lawn and i wave to make it look like im supposed to be there. I pull up, take a few pics and then drive off.


I know the dishes fit…..

I dunno how many people can relate to this but i have a tough time keeping my kitchen clean. Between the dog, my drinking habits and my guests, my apartment gets trashed on a regular basis. I’m male and this really isn’t a big deal to anyone i’ve ever dated and it means even less to me except that it’s a section of my life lacking discipline that i could focus on very easily.

As you can see below, Marla has begun to understand that she should only puke in the kitchen. (The puke is the dark green stuff above the rug)


Anyway, I have a advantage above other men in the kitchen area tho. Like many other people I have a great little machine called a dishwasher. This amazing device owns my dirty dishes for me without any lip.

Only problem is i’m lazy.

I leave glasses laying out for weeks sometimes. Weird mold grows in the bottom of them and after the mess goes to a certain point the “fuck it” stage begins. Then in one full swoop, i put on Lateralus and go to work on. I disinfect, sweep, mop, and clean like my life depended on it. Then the clock starts over. Your apartment is clean, if you keep up with it, it’ll stay clean.

I noticed one night at my parent’s house that they put the dishes directly into the dishwasher everytime they use them. So that way they never build up in the sink like mine do. I decided to try this weird little game plan.


Only problem it’s still too much effort for me to put forth. It’s easier to dump the dishes into the sink. This is a fact i have to contend with. However, putting my l33t skillz to work i devised a plan. If i leave the dishwasher open it’s actually more difficult to step over the open dishwasher to put it in the sink then put it directly in the dishwasher.


Any other single males with a dishwasher, please give this a try and tell me if it helps.

i’ve come full circle…

The first step with hardware repair for toad is to boot up the laptop, msg boar, msg sektor, and begin the troubleshooting process. I rip out all the unnecessary pci cards, all those cards like the soundcard and the network card, the stuff only faggots use and try again. No power. Boar tells me it’s probably the power supply. I sigh, carry out the monitor, keyboard and all the other crap i’ve infected my dad’s office with and go back in for case.

I figure it’s best to call CompUSA before i drive my ass all the way out there to see if they have a power supply. I’m on hold when suddenly i hear this queer sound on the roof of the office. It almost sounds like rain. It is rain.

Running through the main room, out the door and into the pouring rain. All my windows are rolled down and my passenger door is open. Fist. Laughing hysterically while running through the parking lot, i cover the monitor, roll up the windows and close the door.


Drive to compusa, buy power supply. I’ve only lost 2 hours of my workday. We can still get something done. I arrive home, open up the case and put the new power supply in. Fuck, for some reason the screws arn’t lining up. I retreat to my aim windows for more hardware advice. No one has any idea why the screws wouldn’t match up. I spend another 10 minutes staring at it and playing with it before i realize, hey, the screws would line up if i flipped it over. Upside down. Fist.

I plug the computer back in, get the fire estinguisher from the kitchen, tell everyone on aim to wish me luck and hit the power button. No smoke, no fire, just the warm feeling of watching your system count ram. Back in business.

The moral of this story. Buying a case at a computer show is a lot like buying a prostitute. Sure, you can go cheap but about 6 months from then you’ll be cursing.

(random cute picture)


It’ll take me a few more sober hours to figure out the really l33t details of it but im wet with anticipation. This is a far cry from when i would take the index.html and add the latest update, screw up the images and thumbnails, end up deleting the update by accident, throwing up and going to bed. The advancements kept moving forward but now, i think i’ve find what ive been looking for….

Those were left outside my apartment. Needless to say after a few forties the digital camera had to come out.


The Story of WesLocks and the 3 Couches

“This couch is too pink!” he exclaimed.

So, he laid down on the second couch.

“This couch smells like Marla!” she aid

So, he laid down on the last couch, the white couch.

“Ahhh, this couch is just right,” he said happily and he drifted peacefully off to sleep.

As he was sleeping, the Sara home.

“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed and he’s still there!” exclaimed Sara.

Just then, Weslocks woke up and saw Sara. He screamed, “I could have slept on the pink couch!” And he jumped up and ran out of the room. Weslocks ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away into the forest. And he never returned to the home of the three bears.