Month: January 2002

I explain to them their website, with probably a little bit more ease because of the alcohol in my blood, they thank me and i race to the airport. After a small pit stop at a gas station to buy a beer for the plane ride, i park at the Park Ride And Fly and ride to the airport. The chaufeer that drives the little van commented on the Miller High Life and i explain to him that it's my vacation and i deserve the Champagne Of Beers.

Security Check
I get in the long line that is leading to the gate to have my carry on checked. When it was my turn to go through the medical detector, i dump the 2 pounds of electronical equipment that i carry with me everywhere into the little tray, put Magnus the laptop on the belt along with my backpack. I walk through the metal detector when i notice 2 of the guards stopping the x-ray belt and staring at the monitor. They ask who's bag it is, i tell them, and they ask me to go sit down by a table next to a very large black man in camoflage with a equally large gun. One of the other guards, a very nice little black lady starts to go through the Hore backpack. After she pulls out a huge maglight, a pair of pliers, a handful of condoms and my leatherman, she asks if she can pat me down. I smile, say “It would be my pleasure” and get padded down. I kinda liked that part. Then they test my backpack for explosives and thankfully it tested negative. Then the nice lady asks me to undo my belt. As i undo my belt I grasp at my baggy pants to keep from showing everyone in line what they really wanted to see, and the belt gets approved.

Then off come the boots. She asks me to sit down in a small chair next to the table, put my feet up on a little step stool and remove my boots. I smile while i undo the doc martins knowing that i'm going through every singleI still can't figure that out, why did i have to keep my feet on the stool. Even while she put my boots through the x-ray machine, i had to keep my feet on the stool. Then my boots are checked for explosives and ran through the x-ray machine again. Just to be sure i guess. I guess i just have one of those faces.

Flight 4260
Our flight leaves, i open up Magnus the laptop and begin writing about how wrong it is for humans to fly. The flight attendent ignores me and my Champage of Beers and i write for a few hours before drifting off into a weird semi-nap state. I wake up as we arrive in Chicago, just in time to snap a few pics of all the different buildings that i'd probably never enter. I get off the plane, look at the weird stuff on the ground called “snow” and rush to my next gate. I have only enough time to poop and begin writing before i hop on yet another flight.

Flight 758
Very uneventful, filled with reading and solitare on the laptop. I got a great picture of the very ugly lady asleep next to me and i think the guy on the other side of me was a cop. I land in Albany, call Jeff to ask if Dave is online, see Dave and we depart from the airport.

Albany, NY
After a very scary drive on the Albany freeways, we arrive at Rensselaer college. Since i had only ate a apple and a bagel the entire day, Dave suggests we go get food from the cafeteria. Only problem is, since i'm not a student there, i don't have one of these cards. The solution was to borrow Cedrick's card. I was like “yeah that'll work, i'll probably look something like him.” They hand me Cedrick's card and i look at the picture of a fairly large black man. Surpisingly enough, the lady swipes the card without looking at the picture and i'm free to dine on RPI's wonderful cafeteria. After a full meal and then fixing one of my website's that was on fire, we go purchase beer. We drink, watch The Labyrinth, partake in normal dorm activities and then call it a nigt since they had class in the morning. Dave gives me a sleeping bag and a blanket, i finish the last of my Coors and drift off into alcohol induced slumber.

Friday
I'm awoken to the smell of a cheeseburger that Dave places in front of my face. I wake up, eat breakfast in…sleeping bag, and indulge in the great college experience that is showering with flipflops on. The whole time i was waiting for the curtain to be torn up to see tweleve college students, all naked, saying “It's time to iniate you into the dorm”. Luckily it didn't happen.

We drive out to the middle of no where, go to a very strange mall to eat where i steal a toothbrush and toothpaste. We come back to campus, begin drinking hard liquor and head off to the Zoo frathouse for my first frat party. They look at my id, put a circle on my hand and we stumble in. We first go down to the basement, get our free beers and begin drinking. Several beers later, after dancing on a table with Dave to the most poorly mixed music i've ever heard, we leave.

Next Friday Morning
I really didn't seem to have time to write daily so i'm gonna just start summing it up. The whiskey and beer flowed as i lived on Dave's dorm room floor in a bright red sleeping bag, surrounded by cables going to my various electronical devices which rule my life. The entire time i was here i didn't have to pay for any food because it was all being taken care of by RPI's cafeteria. We would simply ask for one of his friend's cards, go to the cafeteria and hand the lady the card. She would smile, swipe the card and not notice one bit that the face on the card is a large black man and i'm a very pale crackhead. The first time we tried it i was like “no way this isn't gonna work, i'm not black”. But the lady didn't even glance at the picture. After i got through i let loose a celebratory “crackhore! ahahha” and grabbed a tray. The food there kicked ass. I wonder if i gained weight.

I played a sick amount of Grand Theft Auto. That game has made achievements far beyond the first 2 versions. The realism in the graphic violence has left my nipples hard and my mind blown. What other game can you just drive around, running people over in cards, blowing cards up, killing law enforcement officers and stealing cars? Way more fun the Tony Hawk could ever be.

I now have some beautiful memories of walking through the snowy campus, stoned out of my senses since i couldn't smoke in the dorm, and thinking to myself how pretty snow is for someone who doesn't have to live in it. Seriously, how do people handle this shit. The weather up here is nuts, i wonder how people get used to it.

The RPI network was harvested by my pretty little laptop. I downloaded 7 gigs of mp3s and etc files and now am set for music for the next 6 months. After about 3 hours of searching i actually couldn't think of anything else i wanted to download. I had everything i wanted. It owned. It was really strange seeing a laptop in every room. A very wired school, i was really impressed. Each student is given a IBM thinkpad as part of their tution. So you can imagine the mp3s. After The Door's Greatest Hits ends i'm gonna break out the Simpsons Episodes that i also copied. Mmmm media.

I sure wish the rest of the airport would open up. I'd kinda like to feast upon a fending machine or two and a whiskey and coke or few could really help the time pass. I'm getting kinda worried about my little physical addiction to alcohol so i may eat instead of drink tonight. Or maybe i'll wait till i get on the plane. Haha.

4:03 AM 1/24/02
Location: Still in albany airport
Beverage: Jack and coke…mm
Thoughts:
I left the comfort of the observatory room to sit down in front of the security gate. Theres a lot more people here, it being 4am. I still have 5 hours left until my flight leaves. I found a power socket to plug the computer into, found a vending machine to mix a jack and coke with, and after a packet of Cheeze It's and Ritz the alcohol starts. I'm listening to Pink Floyd's More on my tiny laptop speakers. Wow do i love alcohol. No one seems to be sitting anywhere near me, on purpose probably, i'm sure they can smell the whiskey in the air but i don't care. I didn't see or steal any signs about alcohol not being allowed inside the airport. Theres a girl asleep behind me, beautiful dark red hair, i wonder who she is. I love being the only person drunk in a mile radius. All these people coming up the escalator now, sitting down, staring at the guy with the laptop, the whiskey and the Pink Floyd. I can feel the green eyes of jealously on me. Crap, another marine.

Some people say 4am is probably a bad time to start drinking alcohol. I disagree tho. In about 5 hours, my plane will depart the frozen land of Albany and i'll go back to memphis for 48 hours before i leave for new orleans. This will end January, the month of traveling for me. I've picked probably the most dangerous time to travel but who cares. I'd rather die in a fiery terrorist explosion then of liver failure with my dozen cats and dozen computers. Much better to go out in a fireball with a whiskey buzz then die in a lame old car crash. Damn, the girl behind me woke up, and walked away. Now i can turn the pink floyd up. I really hope i get gunned down to Pink Floyd, i'm really kinda afraid that i'll die without music.