i care

last night kelly and i were hanging out around her apartment. she sat down with a fresh drink. something had been bothering me. when you’re with someone you care about, you worry about what they put in their body. not that i’m exactly a health nut i stay away from certain things. high frutose corn syrup, bread, pasta, other evils that you don’t need to put in your body…

quinne is one of those things they put on the label of tonic water because it’s really bad for you, period. i ask kelly to switch to club soda because of the quinne. it’s like helping her quit smoking, i’m helping. encouraging healthy things.
it turns out the tonic water in her kitchen, what kind of set me off on this crusade for health, was tonic water i bought for her, thinking she drank tonic and vodka instead of vodka and club soda…it was my fault the deadly beverage was even in her apartment…
it finally hits me and the whole circle was complete…the worst part is there are only 2 left so 4 of them have already been consumed by me or her…

my last night in gentilly

so tonight is my last night…last night was supposed to be but it was raining when i woke up. neither my movers or me felt like moving in the rain so we’re doing it tomorrow. mardi gras starts tomorrow night.

so everything is packed except the computer desk and my bed…those are usually the morning of things…

i have a quarter of a 5th of smirnoff, god knows how much beer, 3 melatonin….i got american girl posse blaring, really celebrating the last of this.

it’s going to be so weird going back to being around people… okay drunk enough to sleep i guess hope etc

as promised lol, slightly edited

—–Original Message—–
From: toad
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2008 15:48
To: *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****, *****,
Subject: Goodbye cruel ******, it’s over, walk on by 😀

Today is my last day with ***** and ***** and I’d like to take a moment
to reflect on the last year and a half I have spent with you.

When ****** offered me this contract I was living in Memphis, TN,
quietly running my small but fairly successful web design business. When
****** called I pondered it for a while, thinking how it had been almost 6
years since I had been in an office setting and initially told him
thanks but no thanks. I had serious doubts of whether I could work in a
corporate environment after so many years of living in “in the wild” as
a freelancer. He assured me that it was a very relaxed and laid back
environment and I would be okay. I decided to give it a shot. Worst case
scenario I could handle it for a few weeks and it would give me enough
money to move back to New Orleans and get the hell out of Memphis.

I quickly sold and gave away every stick of furniture and jumped on the
southbound Amtrak train with a computer and clothes. I arrived and made
a month and a half long tour of crummy motels and guesthouses since
finding an apartment post Katrina was proving very difficult. Highlights
of that included the Oasis Motel on the Westbank and the mysterious
blood stain on the comforter. That rocked. I also stayed at that hotel
on the corner of Canal and Claiborne. That one had rats running down the
hallways and very pretty color of blue mold in my room. No warm water
for showers in the morning either. I finally found a place in Midcity
and ended my tour of nasty new orleans flop houses.

I slowly got into the office routine. To try to make myself feel more at
home in my new cubicle, I brought up some things from my previous life.
Which included many stolen bathroom signs(which ken made me take down),
a palm tree rug and a jesus candle. For the majority of this contract I
had more things in this cubicle then I did my entire apartment.

I was so terrified that I was going to lose my contract for numerous
reasons that I was saving every dime and not purchasing any furniture. I
lived for months with only a camping chair and an air mattress. After
bringing a few dates back to my apartment I soon realized that I’m going
to be a very lonely unless I got some stuff. It started with a couch and
chair and has ended with a entire apartment full of furniture and
things. My girlfriend says she would still love me if I still slept on
an air mattress but hopefully I’ll never have to test that.


What will stand out in my memory of you all has been your overwhelming
generosity in all areas. I could write a very long e-mail detailing the
assistance and support I’ve received from you all but I’d like to note a
few. When I told ***** that I would pull my dirty laundry over
myself at night when it got cold, she brought me in a comforter. When I
lost my roommate and my ride to work, ***** gave me a ride to and from
work. ***** enabled me to buy a kegerator which has changed my
life and ***** drove me to get my first keg. Everyone here has
provided me with a wealth of technical advising which I will miss
dearly. I doubt seriously I will ever work with such a pool of talent
ever again.

I would also like to thank all of you for your religious tolerance and
acceptance of my rabid unmediated manic depressive states. As well as
the hours of me singing along to music while working and draining the
water cooler with my massive 52oz mug.

When I think about the time I’ve spent dancing in my cubicle and
prettying up your websites I am still amazed I was able to make this
transition. Now it is time for another transition. I am leaving my
Gentilly apartment next Thursday and moving to a quaint apartment in
Uptown. I’m going back to running my web development and hosting
business full time. I welcome all of you to call, e-mail and stop by for
a cold beer. Just not before 10am 🙂

it doesn’t even bother me anymore

i came outside the gym today and found a note taped on my bike. it’s really big font, printed out that says “in the future please park your bike on the bike rack”. I smile, laugh, crumble up the paper and drop it on the ground.

now i’m sure it bothered someone that instead of chaining up my bike, completely out of view of cameras, in open air so if/when it rains my bike gets soaked….or parking it under the walkway’s barriers in plain view of everyone coming in and out.

now i’ve been riding bikes a long time and they don’t seem to get stolen because i think about shit like that. i also tend to ride them longer because i don’t leave them in the rain.

i told kelly i want to go back to the gym and find the person who left the note and interview them on camera. i want to know what it felt like to open up word, write this up, print it, get the tape, walk outside, tape it on and say “this will show that asshole, how dare he”.

i pretty much forgot about it by the time i had left the parking lot. It’s just not bothering me anymore. First rouse’s tries to kick me out for my messenger bag and now this. This part of new orleans fucking hates cyclists.


i packed up my cube friday and said my goodbyes. they sort of had a tradition where you send out a email to one of the mangers and she forwards it to everyone, usually a one sentence goodbye and their personal e-mail and maybe cell number.

i instead found one of her old e-mails and did a reply all, thus sending my goodbye letter ‘unfiltered’ since the manager would have never let this through. i found this out after the fact, i thought everyone did a reply all to her last address…makes it even better that even on my last day i was breaking rules i didn’t know existed.

anyway, i wrote up this huge 12 paragraph “manifesto” as one of my bosses called it. I go into every detail about what it was like, in a good way, even mentioning names thanking them for their help…

This update is worthless without a copy of said goodbye letter. I’ll get a copy tomorrow.

It was weird, i guess i enjoyed working there a lot when i realized i was leaving.

Movers come thursday, goodbye old life. I’m almost packed…sorta. I will be tho…right now i’m working on drinking as much of the keg as possible to make it easier to move. doing good.

the cost of ranch

i brought some hot wings to work yesterday. didn’t bring any ranch, just figured i can get some from the little cafeteria at work.

i go down and ask the lady that runs the cafeteria if i can have a little container of ranch even tho i didn’t buy a salad. she says “well, they are 27 cents…”. can’t give that shit away.

i ask her if i can take the ranch and come back with the money in a few minutes. i didn’t carry my wallet since i really didn’t think she’d charge me. i grab a few napkins and ask if these are free. she smiles and nods.

i walk to the elevator telling several people that if they think ranch is free they better think again. i get a quarter and 2 pennies and bring it back to her.

i’m so glad friday is my last day.


im moving to uptown in about a week. lizzy read my post on crackhore and told me the place behind her was for rent. i talked to her landlord and signed the lease. movers come next week, everything is planned out. just gotta write the checks and it’s done.

i’m so excited to moving back to society. it’s going to be weird at first, i’m not used to being around people that i don’t work with….can’t wait tho.

anyway, this last weekend i noticed marla staring at something in the kitchen. after living with her for so many years i can sense her emotion and knew she was on edge, tracking something. usually it’s a roach or a fly or whatever but finally she darts up. she comes back with a tiny mouse in her mouth. i freak out and tell her to drop it and the mouse runs back to the kegerator/washer/dryer area. i’m still perplexed how the mouse even got in since this place is very well insulated…had to have snuck in when i had a door open while taking out trash or letting marla out? i dunno…
i’ve found mouse droppings near my kegerator and noticed that the kegerator drip tray has been licked clean. my mouse is drinking from my kegerator.

it’s time for him/her to go.

i bought traps tonight. i can’t wait to be laying in bed tonight and hear that satisfying snap. i was willing to let him live peacefully with me but no one goes near my beer without my permission.

10,000 days in the cube is long enough

my last day with the military industrial complex is the 18th. i packed up my cube today, took 2 trash bags of stuff to be thrown away and a printer box of stuff to take home.

it’s crazy to think that at one point i had more stuff in that cubicle then i did in my apartment.

now i’m all stocked up again, ready to freelance.

i’ve never been so excited and motivated to getting back to that life. i’m forgetting all the bad times and only remembering the good but that’s pretty much par for course in my life.

it’s been really funny, all my bosses and co-workers are like “damn so you’re moving back to memphis because your contract is up, right?”

it was funny at first but now it’s insulting. it’s not their fault, they don’t know i don’t need to work up at that office to stay in new orleans. some of them actually evacuated to memphis for katrina, but they didn’t go to memphis. they went to millington where the base was. they have no idea.

i do not, however have any idea where i’m going to live in 2 months. for those of you who don’t know, i live in a very very desolated part of new orleans, very far from the rest of the city and civilization. finding a apartment in the city is going to be tough, considering my high requirements. those high requirements equal rent that’s well over $900 in most cases. once you get towards $900-1000 a month you gotta wonder why you are renting and not owning…i’ve been preapproved by a credit union for enough to buy a sizable residence but i just can’t get excited about buying something down here.

recently i bought a laptop off buy.com, got it and realized it didn’t have a fucking wireless card. i checked the page and it doesn’t say anything about a wireless card so i guess i didn’t get lied to. it’s just something you expect, like a steak dinner without a blowjob after.

receiving a blowjob.

anyway, it kinda made me realize how dangerous buying something as big and expensive as a house is. there is so much shit that you assume is going to be there but probably isn’t. best part is some of those assumptions, especially on homes in new orleans, can really fuck you up. also buying a house while you’re technically unemployed is pretty scary as well.

so i guess i’m doomed to either moving farther from civilization like chalmette (lol) for more affordable rent prices or gamble and try to find another new apartment….

i’m just so tired of moving…it’s been once every 6-8 months for as long as i can remember. i could have bought up most of the 9th ward with the money i’ve spent on movers, deposits and time spent unpacking and packing.

oh well…mary and eric told me over christmas when poured out my apprehension on “what to do” now that im going to be freelancing again. they were both astonished that none of my options were “slit my wrists”, which means i’ve matured a lot since i’ve left memfist.

no matter what happens, everything will be good. and life not inside a cubicle is always good. i’ve had fun living like a rockstar the last year and a half but it’s time to get back to hustling websites out of the apartment.

you are going to see some really interesting updates in the next month. i don’t have many friends here and what friends i do have live pretty far away.

my girlfriend is probably having 2nd thoughts about being with me for a million reasons. i love how after 2 months a relationship finally becomes real. by then you get the real me with all the great and bad parts. she promises to come see me after i get laid off and says she’d love me even if i was digging ditches, guess we’ll see…
i know im going to start going 4-5 days without seeing another human being. in memphis after i was done working for the day i’d walk up to the young avenue deli, play pool, drink pabst and then jager. there are no bars within walking distance and 2 within biking distance.

i need to move soon.
2008 is going to be one for the books. just hope it’s not the last chapter 🙂

think your christmas sucked?

i saw this on myspace today from my friend levi in iraq.
Holidays in Iraq

I love them. I got a christmas card saying “The best thing about the holidays is spending time with your family” from a family member….. Fucking fantastic. Happy fucking new years Iraq!

Things arent actually that bad out here… my best friends consist of a shitload of smelly guys… a 50 cal machine gun…. and my right hand (not the left.. its clumsy) lathered up with some lotion.

I love and miss ya Rachael (and Brendon) and cant wait to come home on midtour. Time for me to go babysit some beebs while they try and catch some bad guys….