another working day has ended

well, after a nice relaxing weekend with my girlfriend and friends, most of my sucidial thoughts have subsided.

but it’s only monday. by thursday i’ll probably be bitter and angry again.

i picked up my mustang from the mechanic on friday.

it’s running worse then when i dropped it off.

get this tho, my mom went and picked up the car for me and then left it on the side on the road when it was starting to overheat again.

i get home from work and she gives me the keys. except they’re not my keys. I’m perplexed by the fact that my mustang can start with any Ford keys.

i drop the car and the stranger’s keys and wait.

deep down inside i hope they lost my keys so i can get all new locks and keys for the car…

good thing i don’t have anything important in the trunk because none of the keys i got from them work.

i’m having a lot of trouble even being depressed at this point. Thats the weird thing about humans is they adapt to situations pretty quickly. That’s what i’ve done. I’ve accepted the fact that this sucks. Nothing to do except try to pull what’s left of my life out of the ashes.

Do you see?

Alabama Vote Opens Old Racial Wounds

Sun Nov 28, 6:48 AM ET Top Stories –

By Manuel Roig-Franzia, Washington Post Staff Writer

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. — On that long-ago day of Alabama’s great shame, Gov. George C. Wallace (D) stood in a schoolhouse door and declared that his state’s constitution forbade black students to enroll at the University of Alabama.

He was correct.

If Wallace could be brought back to life today to reprise his 1963 moment of infamy outside Foster Auditorium, he would still be correct. Alabama voters made sure of that Nov. 2, refusing to approve a constitutional amendment to erase segregation-era wording requiring separate schools for “white and colored children” and to eliminate references to the poll taxes once imposed to disenfranchise blacks.

The vote was so close — a margin of 1,850 votes out of 1.38 million — that an automatic recount will take place Monday. But, with few expecting the results to change, the amendment’s saga has dragged Alabama into a confrontation with its segregationist past that illuminates the sometimes uneasy race relations of its present.

The outcome resonates achingly here in this college town, where the silver-haired men and women who close their eyes and lift their arms when the organ wails at Bethel Baptist Church — a short drive from Wallace’s schoolhouse door — don’t have to strain to remember riding buses past the shiny all-white school on their way to the all-black school.

“There are people here who are still fighting the Civil War,” said Tommy Woods, 63, a deacon at Bethel and a retired school administrator. “They’re holding on to things that are long since past. It’s almost like a religion.”

There are competing theories about the defeat of Amendment 2, the measure that would have taken “colored children” and segregated schools out of Alabama’s constitution. One says latent, persistent racism was to blame; another says voters are suspicious of all constitutional amendments; and a third says it was not about race but about taxes.

The amendment had two main parts: the removal of the separate-schools language and the removal of a passage — inserted in the 1950s in an attempt to counter the Brown v. Board of Education ruling against segregated public schools — that said Alabama’s constitution does not guarantee a right to a public education. Leading opponents, such as Alabama Christian Coalition President John Giles, said they did not object to removing the passage about separate schools for “white and colored children.” But, employing an argument that was ridiculed by most of the state’s newspapers and by legions of legal experts, Giles and others said guaranteeing a right to a public education would have opened a door for “rogue” federal judges to order the state to raise taxes to pay for improvements in its public school system.

The argument plays to Alabama’s primal fear of federal control, a fear born of years of resentment over U.S. courts’ ordering the desegregation of schools and the creation of black-majority legislative districts.

“Activists on the bench know no bounds,” Giles said. “It’s a trial lawyer’s dream.”

Giles was aided by a virtually unparalleled Alabama celebrity in his battle against the amendment, distributing testimonials from former chief justice Roy Moore, whose fame was sealed in 2003 when he defied a federal court order to remove a two-ton granite Ten Commandments monument from the rotunda of the Alabama Supreme Court. They were joined by former Moore aide Tom Parker, who handed out miniature Confederate flags this fall during his successful campaign for a seat on the Alabama Supreme Court.

Arguing that the amendment could lead to higher taxes is a potent strategy in Alabama, which is one of the nation’s most lightly taxed states and which resoundingly rejected a record $1.2 billion tax increase proposed last year by Gov. Bob Riley (R), a conservative, to pay for school improvements and lessen the tax burden on the poor. But many blacks view the Amendment 2 opponents’ tax pitch as a smoke screen.

As the vote results sink in, the deacons and the Bible-toting ladies at the Bethel church here have spoken of dark conspiracies, of sinister agendas. They speak from experience.

Vertia Killings, 72, was riding on a bus that had to be rerouted because of the commotion at the University of Alabama on the day Wallace — who eventually renounced his segregationist past — made his stand. Her father, Benny Mack, paid a $45 poll tax and “ate a little less” because of it, she said. Others chose to eat instead of vote.

Killings does not see the amendment’s defeat as a matter of mere symbolism, even though Alabama’s constitutional ban on integrated schools was trumped — then and now — by federal law. She has watched school testing results with growing uneasiness.

Black students in Alabama have struggled on some national tests, with 73 percent of black eighth-graders rated below basic competency in math, compared with 32 percent of white eighth-graders. Killings also frets about Alabama schools — just as schools in many other parts of the country — steadfastly resegregating. This phenomenon, which is getting increased attention among national education experts, is attributed to a kaleidoscope of factors, including the suburban migration of white families, private school expansion and the rising popularity of home schooling among white conservatives.

“It seems like we’re having a reversal,” Killings said.

It matters not at all to Killings and her friends that the amendment’s opponents say they want to remove the segregated-schools portion of the constitution but cannot abide by guaranteeing a public education and fear mandates for higher education taxes. The people who are most affected by poorly funded schools are the same people who were affected in another era by poll taxes: poor blacks and poor whites.

“I don’t know but a few black folks who can afford to send their kids to private school,” said Charles Steele Jr., a former Democratic member of the Alabama legislature who lives here and is national vice president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.

This is not the first time that Steele has tangled with Alabama’s constitution, a gigantic document that has more than 740 amendments and more than 310,000 words, making it the world’s longest, at nearly 40 times the length of the U.S. Constitution. Four years ago, voters repealed a constitutional amendment banning interracial marriage.

The state constitution, which most historians agree was written to protect large landowners and to disenfranchise blacks, is so riddled with antiquated wording that some high school students in Birmingham make an annual trip to the city library for a project known as the search for “the loony laws.”

Yet the constitution, with its racist past and its racist present, only grows. On Nov. 2, it was amended three times — numbers 743, 744 and 745.

Giles has said he would support taking out the passage about separate schools for “white and colored children” as long as the part about not guaranteeing a right to an education is kept.

Ken Guin, the Democratic House majority leader who wrote Amendment 2, is talking about trying again. Next time, he said, he might do it Giles’s way.

Our founding fathers and leaders of the past v.s. Dubuya

Call me crazy, but it sounds pretty liberal to me….
P.S……Support the LIVING WAGE…
BTW… all my fellow americans of faith…please pay close attention to President John Addams words…..he was there when the constitution was written after all.
P.P.S…..Damn Lincoln was right.


“I would rather be defeated,” said James A. Garfield, “than make capital out of my religion.”


“I see in the near future a crisis approaching. It unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. The money powers preys upon the nation in times of peace and conspires against it in times of adversity. It is more despotic than a monarchy, more insolent than autocracy, more selfish than bureaucracy. It denounces, as public enemies, all who question its methods or throw light upon its crimes… Corporations have been enthroned, and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until the wealth is aggregated in the hands of a few, and the Republic is destroyed.” – – Abraham Lincoln (In a letter to William Elkins, Nov 21, 1864)


“The nation that destroys its soil destroys itself.” President Franklin D. Roosevelt


“Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.” –Harry S. Truman, 33rd president of the U.S.


“If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.” President John F. Kennedy


“War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.” President Jimmy Carter


“No people is wholly civilized where a distinction is drawn between stealing an office and stealing a purse.” President Theodore Roosevelt


“Officeholders are the agents of the people, not their masters.” President Grover Cleveland


“Liberty has never come from the government. Liberty has always come from the subjects of it. The history of liberty is a history of resistance. ” President Woodrow Wilson


“The buck stops here.” President Harry Truman



“Every gun that is fired, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. The world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its labourers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. (April 1953, Washington, D.C.) ” President Dwight D. Eisenhower


“There never was a time when, in my opinion, some way could not be found to prevent the drawing of the sword.” President Ulysses S. Grant


“The government of the United States is not in any sense founded upon the Christian religion.” President John Adams


“No government ought to be without censors; and where the press is free no one ever will. ” President Thomas Jefferson


“We must especially beware of that small group of selfish men who would clip the wings of the American eagle in order to feather their own nests.” President Franklin D. Roosevelt


“If we ever put any other value above (our) liberty, and above principle, we shall lose both.” President Dwight D. Eisenhower


“Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.” President Abraham Lincoln


“If there be one principle more deeply rooted than any other in the mind of every American, it is that we should have nothing to do with conquest.” President Thomas Jefferson


“There are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations-President James Madison

“From the time I was very young, I saw the ugly face of segregation and discrimination. I saw young African-American kids sent upstairs in movie theaters. I saw white only signs on restaurant doors and luncheon counters. I feel such an enormous responsibility when it comes to issues of race and equality and civil rights.

I have heard some discussions and debates about where, and in front of what audiences we should talk about race, equality, and civil rights. Well, I have an answer to that question. Everywhere.

This is not an African-American issue, not a Latino issue, not an Asian-American issue, this is an American issue. It ’s about who we are, what our values are, what kind of country we want to live in. ”

Sen John Edwards- 2004 DNC “the Two Americas

“And let me say it plainly: in that cause, and in this campaign, we welcome people of faith. America is not us and them. I think of what Ron Reagan said of his father a few weeks ago, and I want to say this to you tonight: I don’t wear my own faith on my sleeve. But faith has given me values and hope to live by, from Vietnam to this day, from Sunday to Sunday. I don’t want to claim that God is on our side. As Abraham Lincoln told us, I want to pray humbly that we are on God’s side. And whatever our faith, one belief should bind us all: The measure of our character is our willingness to give of ourselves for others and for our country.

These aren’t Democratic values. These aren’t Republican values. They’re American values. We believe in them. They’re who we are. And if we honor them, if we believe in ourselves, we can build an America that’s stronger at home and respected in the world. “- Sen. John Kerry- 2004 DNC- “America can do better”

My thanks to the wonderful….a good website..with some admitedly left wing bias.

old news but still funny

Federal agents arrested three Memphis police officers. FBI agents Sunday arrested officers David Tate, Billy Scott, and John D. Vaughan. They are accused of providing protection for clubs, transporting prostitutes and methamphetamine to high-rollers at Tunica casinos.

Memphis cops busted

Keep reading, best part is that David Tate is the son of Jerry Tate, a local news anchorman. Maybe the best part is that the cops were going to rob wrestling superman, Jerry Lawler.

If i havn’t sene this on the news i wouldn’t believe it.

oh yeah!?!

valerie just updated her livejournal. i originally spelled it “live journal” but since she’s looking over my shoulder, i now have it right.

now i’m being gay. since i can’t watch or help while she updates her site. she says she wishes i wore underware because she says when her friend tiffany pisses her off, she grabs a handful of her underware and crams it up her ass.

that is hot, right?

it’s not cute when a bully in highschool is wedging some little kids but when 2 pierced girls are doing it to each other, it’s then a whole new photoshoot.

ugh i can’t even remember why i opened this window.

now she’s looking over my shoulder again.

no i remember now, it’s to tell the world how much i love valerie :).


thats it.

guess the end is almost near

Well, it’s officially thanksgiving and I officially have nothing to be thankfull for.

So today the car place that replaced my head gaskets call me and and tell me the car is done. Yay, i can finally get back on with my life, leave my parent’s and go back to my apartment.

My mom and sister went to go pick up the car while i’m at work and was planning on having it here for me when i got home.

She gets about 5 miles away, overheats, and now the engine light is on(wasn’t on before).

I guess that was $800.00 well spent.

I call the guy, ask him wtf, he says bring it by Thursday and they’ll take a look at it on Friday.

This will most likely be a “ooo you need to do this instead, my bad, that’s going to be another $800, but that will definetely fix it” kind of scenario. I’m not sure if he realizes it but since i’ll most likely get canned if i can’t get to work, i’ll have plenty of time to sit outside his business with a descriptive sign regarding my experience with him. At least at the Ford dealership i only got screwed out of $30 instead of $800…..

I don’t really believe in suicide but fuck, when the equation of life stops working, you start to get a little bummed. You need a car, to get to work, to pay rent, to have a place to go when you get off work. The idea of saving money and buying things for people and myself has been something i havn’t done in almost half a decade. I think the fact that i got this good contract, i thought i was going to get out of debt, and actually buy my loved ones something for Christmas.

But now I have no car, my first paycheck has gone into a car that probably won’t be able to be fixed and I’m going to be living at home until after the new year. Happy thanksgiving.

The best part is i’ll still be paying rent for my apartment in midtown which i’ll probably only get to be at for 1-2 days out of the week. I’m not finished yet.

The guy that has been building my del sol for the past, i dunno, like 4 months is not returning my aim msgs or phone calls so i probably got screwed by him too.

I can’t help but start to lose my faith in humanity.

I guess i wouldn’t feel so depressed except:

a) this is all my fault for being such a fuck up, you can say it’s not my fault but it is, i can prove this on a etch a sketch.

b) i can’t remember a single time in 24 years that i have been this bad off and i don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. the worst part is after this contract that im working on is up after the beginning of the year, i’ll have no work, no car and no plan.

c) no one will admit that the first 2 things listed are 100% true, regardless of what they think

I guess it could be worse. My superior at work happens to live close to my parent’s house and i might be able to bribe him with gas money and lunches to take me to work and take me home everyday. Despite me ruining my life, my parents have agreed to let me stay here until the contract is over, so i guess it’s not all bad. I think what’s depressing is i know lots of people who’s lives are going forward, saving money for the future and making plans to improve their life. I tred water, try to figure out what the fuck to do.

It bothers me that i used to have a funny website about the wacky adventures i would get into. The only reason i’m updating it anymore is because it’s easier to just give people a url when they ask me why i’m so depressed. I also look at this site as a blackbox for my plane wreck of a life. After my funeral people will be able to go to this site and go “oh wow, okay, damn, yeah i understand why he did it now”.

Oh well, i have 4 prescription pill bottles on the desk that i stole from my parent’s cabinet, time to hit up and see if i can use any of these to get fucked up on and maybe actually get some sleep for a change.

so toad, how is your car

A young man enters the Ford Dealership on Mt Moriah today. He was wearing nothing but a belt of ammo, no pants, no shirt, no socks, wearing his doc martins, the shoelaces trailing behind him like his sanity. A shotgun rests in his arms, hair a mess, stinking of vodka, html and anger.

Judgement has come.

We all make mistakes.

I make them all the time.

But now they shall pay for theirs.

Whoa, sorry, didn’t even know i was typing.

Hi everybody. It seems lately that ive been getting a decent amount of hits(3 people), because basically, my viewers can tell i’m either going to kill myself, my car, or the ford dealership that screwed me over.

Lets start from 7:30 this morning. Michael woke up in his bed again. Startled by his familar cell phone. It’s mom, she says she’s running a bit late but she’ll be there in a few seconds. I am still in bed. I have to be at work at 8am in hickory hill, i’m in midtown. This isn’t good. Going to get fired on 2nd day of new job. Good, finally have a reason to eat the “special pills” and meet “jesus”.

My laptop has a episode of Futurama playing on repeat, neither my clie or my alarm is going off. Thanks technology, mouth fuck me again.

I bound out of bed, take a 30 second shower, bound down stairs, throw on shirt, boots are inserted and i run down the driveway to meet my mom who has probably been waiting there for 5 minutes.

This is the way everyday should start, really.

I button my shirt, put on socks, tie my shoes, take out my earrings, brush my hair, tell my mom that it’s not her fault her son is going to kill himself and we get to work at 8:03am. My boss, a really cool guy, who’s name i won’t mention because of Google, says he’s impressed that my car wouldn’t start and i still got there on time.

Yeah, you’ll be really impressed when you see me on the news later with a Benelli shotgun and a bunch of hostages at a ford dealership.

I have a few arguments with my dad about my car that is leaking the blood which keeps it cool. i have trouble accepting the fact that my car was looked at by a dealership, pulled up in one of those little things that people can crawl under and look at the source code of my car, yet no one seemed any worried about the fact that it’s fucking bleeding.

anyway, after that, the head gaskets explode like so many iraqi insurgent’s heads.

Now, in my vast database of car knowledge i’m getting sodomized with, i have now have a new chapter.

So apparently, your car will explode and not work anymore if these things called head gaskets blow up. From what people have told me, that’s not good either.

My dad, who i don’t like to mention on this site since he probably reads it and probably has tried to get it shut down, drives out to the fucking ghetto where i am currently employed, gets my keys and takes my poor mustang to a local midtown shop. You have to understand that we have 3 days until thanksgiving, when the entire fucking country celebrates the fact that we raped the people who live here for the place we’re not slaves. Anyway, i’ll save that for thursday’s update.

The mechanic tells us that it’s not good, going to be roughly $800 to tear engine out and replace everything. He says he can have it done by wednesday, just in time for thanksgiving.

I am thankfull. No wait, no i’m not.

I wish i could kill some indians and it would fix my car.

So at 5pm, my mom comes out to hickory hill to come pick me up from my job. I find out how much my terrible car is going to cost to get running and i kinda snap for a few minutes. I think what sucks the most about this is when i have problems in my life, i try to hide it from my family to try to keep them from feeling the shit that i have gotten myself into the past few years. They are innocent people in this, i’d rather be fucked and take care of it myself then drag my poor mother to hickory hill and back everyday. But they are blood to me and realize that if they don’t get my poor, broken, hungover body out there everyday, i’ll never fix my car.

It really sucks being super in debt and then being super happy that you have work, then being even more super in debt because of the fact that you got the job.

Only way i can describe it is, hey, remember that orgy with all those super models? well, you have AIDS, but if you have another orgy, this time with…..the Buffalo Bills, your AIDS will go away.

Yeah, that’s a good analogy.

Anyway, now i’m at my parent’s house and i’ve stolen my dad’s bottle of vodka. The irony of this is that if i don’t update my site and continue to keep everyone updated with this ongoing suicide note that is my site, i’ll go even more insane knowing that everyone won’t know “what happened”. But now when i wake up in…ugh 5 hours, i’m going to be hungover, then sit in the car with my mom, who has given way too much of her life, gas and mileage on her car then she ever should have for her failure of a son.

oh, and then i’m at work.

Work is good tho. Workaholics are just alcoholics without the stomach to handle binge drinking. The soft comfort of photoshop, dreamweaver and flash will soon embrace my battered and hungover body. That and the 3 pots of coffee which i will consume to keep me working and producing.

Anyway, i am now at my parent’s house, drinking my dad’s vodka, which i keep promising to myself that i will replace, watching my sister’s im windows popup while i try to puke up one last update in case i die in my sleep, knowing that i’m going to have to wake up and force my mother thru the trail of tears which is rush hour on I 240.

I was telling my poor girlfriend earlier, that if i had to choose when my car was going to get fucked up, it would either be on the way to a job interview or on my way to get laid. She is a little taken by this, probably wondering “where has he been going to get laid”, but eventually gets it.

I want to finish this with “i hate myself and i want to die” but the i think the higher powers are just trying to beat the fact that they exist into my head with the constant irony.

But everyone (all 4 of you) who are reading this, if you watch the news tonight and you hear about a hostage situation, just remember, jesus died on the cross for your sins.

But now toad, is dying at Dobbs Ford, for the sins of all those who were ripped off by their asshole, stupid fucking redneck mechanics, who IGNORE EVERYTHING I FUCKING SAY, NEGLECT TO WRITE IT DOWN ON THEIR STUPID LITTLE CLIPBOARD, AND THEN MY CAR EXPLODES AND THEN I WALK INTO YOUR DEALERSHIP AND….

the best laid plans of toads and rats

In retrospect, i believe my planned invasion of the rat infested meat factory is going to need some work.

I’m not too proud to admit a mistake.

I’m not a George Bush supporter tho.

So before I invade the rat infested meat factory near my house, i’m going to make sure my troops, which will most likely be just drunk me, will be armed with what they need for a regime change.

After doing a little research, my aim list has reccomended:

1) bb guns with, the ones that shoot triangle bullets, not the circle ones
2) waders to cover legs to avoid rat bites
3) umbrellas to keep insurgent rats off that might come from above
4) oxygen masks because of the rat feces
5) a good exit strategy in case i get surrounded

I can get most of the equipment from a local Wal*Mart but the rat feces/urine kinda has me worried. Since this is a unilateral attack at the factory, i will have zero backup.

So if I am injured and consumed by them, someday someone will find my video camera Blair Witch style.

Which will make all of you feel really guilty for backing out of this invasion, I mean, update.

Calling all Joe Paychecks

I want to thank you personally for what you did in the election — you rewrote the book on grassroots politics, taking control of campaigns away from big donors. No campaign will ever be the same.

You moved voters, helped hold George Bush accountable, and countered the attacks from big news organizations such as Fox, Sinclair Broadcasting, and conservative talk radio.

And your efforts count now more than ever. Despite the words of cooperation and moderate sounding promises, this administration is planning a right wing assault on values and ideals we hold most deeply. Healthy debate and diverse opinion are being eliminated from the State Department and CIA, and the cabinet is being remade to rubber stamp policies that will undermine Social Security, balloon the deficit, avoid real reforms in health care and education, weaken homeland security, and walk away from critical allies around the world.

Regardless of the outcome of this election, once all the votes are counted — and they will be counted — we will continue to challenge this administration. This is not a time for Democrats to retreat and accommodate extremists on critical principles — it is a time to stand firm.

I will fight for a national standard for federal elections that has both transparency and accountability in our voting system. It’s unacceptable in the United States that people still don’t have full confidence in the integrity of the voting process.

I ask you to join me in this cause.

And we must fight not only against George Bush’s extreme policies — we must also uphold our own values. This is why on the first day Congress is in session next year, I will introduce a bill to provide every child in America with health insurance. And, with your help, that legislation will be accompanied by the support of hundreds of thousands of Americans.

There are more than eight million uninsured children in our nation.

That’s eight million reasons for us to stay together and fight for a new direction. It is a disgrace that in the wealthiest nation on earth, eight million children go without health insurance.

Normally, a member of the Senate will first approach other senators and ask them to co-sponsor a bill before it is introduced — instead, I am turning to you. Imagine the power of a bill co-sponsored by hundreds of thousands of Americans being presented on the floor of the United States Senate. You can make it happen. Sign our “Every Child Protected” pledge today and forward it to your family, friends, and neighbors:

This is the beginning of a second term effort to hold the Bush administration accountable and to stand up and fight for our principles and our values. They want you to disappear; they are counting on that. I’m confident you will prove them wrong, and you will rewrite history again.

Here is what I want you to know. I understand the strength, commitment, and passion that are at the core of what we built together — and I am determined to make our collective energy and organization a force to be reckoned with in the weeks and months ahead.

Let’s roll up our sleeves and get back to work for our country.

Thank you,

John F Kerry



The news is getting really great in Memphis. So apparently, near my house there is a abandoned meat factory i heard about on the news. Place is full of rats. Rats. Big ones. Not those little cute baby ones that you might occasionally see. They didn’t give directions or a address but it’s only like 2 blocks from me, can’t be hard to find.

Rats Taking Over North Memphis Neighborhood

Tommorow night, i’m going to roll in there tommorow night with the infrared video camera, some knee higher hunting waders, some sharpened sticks and a head full of whiskey. A hour of video editing, drop in some rage against the machine mp3s and you got yourself one hell of a dvd.

So far my whole aim list has vetoed this idea.

I need a new aim list.