There are a million web sites with steps on how to bottle beer but I wanted something super detailed I could read from the moment I finish brewing.
While it’s fermenting, it’s time to start looking at the bottle situation. You have your bottle exchange you can always raid but you gotta go uptown and get them. Here is the math.
48-54 12 ounce bottles
32-35 16 ounce bottles
24-26 22 ounce bottles
16-18 32 ounce bottles
Bottles are rinsed if drank at the condo or if they are from bottle exchange, just throw them in the kitchen closet where you store your empties. This is the pre-stage for the label removing stage.
Once that shelf fills up, it’s time to toss those bad boys in the big black tupperware container. Now next time you brew, and this is important since there is a lot going on when you brew. Make sure to figure out a easy way to fill that tupperware container with the blazing hot water that comes out of the wort chiller. This will save you money instead of using the hot water and it’s also helping the planet by re-using the water. Don’t forge to toss in the oxi clean.
Okay you’ve let the bottles sit a few days and maybe it’s Friday. Lets clean off those labels. Steel wheel takes care of the ones that fight you. As you clean them, lets put them in the dishwasher for a sani run when we bottle.
This is tricky because you have to time to the label removing hot water of brew #2 with the bottling of brew #2. Anyway, hypothetically you could remove the labels and then immediately put it in the dishwasher.
Dishwasher runs, yay clean bottles.
It’s bottling day time. Lets take all of the bottles out and place them on the stove, as we take them out of the dishwasher lets spray inside and tops with starsan and then put it on the stove.
While we do this, let’s go ahead and boil that sugar water. 3 cups of water seems to be good amount. Boil that while you empty the dishwasher but keep a eye on it. Once it’s boiled let’s remove it and put it on a wet towel so it cools down faster.
Let’s open the bucket and see if it looks okay. Be super careful not to accidentally let water or vodka from the blow off thing drip into the beer since that happened once and it’s a great way to probably infect that beer you just bottled. Anyway, we put the primary femerntor on the counter and the bottling bucket on the stool. Santize the damn bottling bucket because I’ve never screwed that step up but let us not ever do that.I read on the Internet that you should pour the chilled sugarwater in the bottom of the bottling bucket so let’s do that.
Now let’s sanitize the pump and the tube start siphoning.
Okay, let’s just hope this goes well and now we have a bottling bucket full of non infected beer. Let’s put this over the dishwasher and open up the dishwasher. Attach the bottling wand with the custom bad ass tube that never slips off the bottling bucket spraying beer everywhere like what used to happen.
Grab bottle #1, pour starsan out into dishwasher thing and start bottling.
As you fill them just put them back on the stove so it’s just one place to clean.
Bottle like a boss.
Caping them things. While we were boiling water, we threw the bottle caps in some star san and sanitized water.
We finish putting the caps on. We would normally label them at this point with a sharpie and the p2p bottle stamp which I need to buy.
This is my jesus bluetooth device. There are many like them but this one is mine.
The first drink was a ice cold PBR served to me by a beautiful blonde covered in tattoos. Very down to earth too, not a bimbo, what you think when you think blonde.
She wore tight jeans and a shirt with the sides cut a little short so you can see her hips. Imagine what your hands would feel like on them. That’s why I’m wearing this shirt. I like smiling at you.
Should have asked her out. Need to relish in the rejection. Not lay my head down until I’ve been rejected by a minimum of 1 woman a day. I have no idea what my standing in the world is. I’m a 10 to some, a 5 to others but you really can’t tell until you query a result.
But I don’t. Moments lost that honestly you cannot really go back to. I have to get dedicated to it tho. Situps every morning. Rejection everyday.
Carol told me today that I have to work on my story for when I meet people. I’m too fucking depressing. She didn’t say it but she’s right. I have to work on my story. Immediately. Right now.
She honestly said she couldn’t help me until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. How sad is it that I don’t know that now, fuck.
Woke up sunday after a week of sin which I hope does not come back to haunt me. I was laying on the couch contemplating the idea of rock bottom and how far I still really need to go when I heard a knock on the door.
It’s my neighbor’s daughter. She’s asking me for a beer for her dad. He’s down by the pool grilling. I walk down in my black robe and 2 tall boys of Becks, the last of the alcohol in my house.
I gave him the beer and sat and talked with him for a bit about what I had been up to Friday and Saturday. I go back upstairs and decide to drink the last beer. It made me feel a little better.
Earlier that morning I had woken up hungover and starving. The 2 tiny pieces of chicken I ate the night before the magnum of wine I drank with A was not really a sufficient dinner. Made a apple with peanut butter.
Later Peter’s kid brings me one of the hamburgers and says “you’ll need this later”.
I did, it was good.
Later I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill. Felt like I was dying the whole time. Afterwards I was faced with the option of going home and barely sleeping at all while sweating and tossing and turning. Or I could go get some wine and relax and sleep at a decent hour. Decided to sweat it out. It wasn’t the worst “1st night” I’ve had, have had much worse and much more scary. Tuesday was rough, Wednesday was terrible.
Today, Thursday, the craving was there immediately after the presentation . Went for a run instead.
I absolutely love this time of year. Party party party. It’s okay that no one wants to start any new projects. There are christmas parties.
I had my fucking party in august when there were no new projects and there were no parties. That should come for something.
Woke up at exactly 3am. It’s pretty much impossible for me to go back to sleep at this point in my life. Between the failing business, my absolutely terrible personal and social life and just the fact that I’m living in “this” make sit impossible to go back to sleep after waking up.
Since I’m fucking wired and any delay in a text message response is considered rude, I check my phone. Let’s also admit I’m checking it in hopes of something to kill a little bit of my loneliness but whatever. That’s a little bit of that optimism that shines for about 45 seconds before I start to remember what’s going on here.
I need to uninstall the okcupid app from all of my mobile devices. Waking up at 3am depressed and sad, feeling a weird glimmer of “oh?” when you see someone has visited your profile and messaged you. Reading about her kids. then reading “If u don’t believe in God, I don’t care to know u.”. Oh she lives in Kenner too.
NIN – Where is everybody.mp3
Fucking desolate wasteland of christian single moms. Not really how imagined my life in my 30’s. I’m going to keep this blog password protected to keep it real.
Reading more of her profile. It’s actually kinda hurting me how much this woman’s profile is fucking with my mind.
” I view those ppl as lost souls, some are dark souls. I sometimes feel we are between heaven and hell. On a path to get to one or the other. I know which path I’m on.”
Wow, I might actually copy and paste some of this for my profile. I am a dark soul, i am on the path to hell.
The best part about this is under the “what I’m doing with my life” there is this little gem. I don’t use the words “little gem” often but when you see “I’m here to find someone to relieve a little of my stress. Teach me to have fun again.” you pretty much have to imagine what I am? However, she says “I’m not here for a casual fling or sex. I don’t give myself away like most of today’s women. Shit can kill you.”
I’m going to put a link to this woman’s profile in my suicide note.
I even responded to her. I’m noting that here.
Maybe I need to turn my life over to god and start going to church. There is a small to medium chance I could meet someone at a happy hour or something but the tactical question of how even to do that is lost on me. Financial costs alone make it tough but I also have to remember I have pretty much no game anyway. Church has all kinds of pussy. Sure, we might have to lie a little about how I am a “dark soul and i’m on the path to hell” but what are a few lies between soulmates.
To be honest the “dark souls and a path to hell” stuff in her profile is kinda fascinating. I doubt she drinks but I’d love to get drunk and talk to her about life.
Portishead on pandora now, thanks.
Even ugliness looks beautiful next to you.
Just looked at my google calendar. This can be done, just have to make a few phone calls.
I feel a lot better for writing this right now.
Today was a pretty quality day, things done. Feelings had. Plans made.
Eric told me while I was in Memphis that he thought I was the happiest when I was working my gov contract. He said I had a purpose that my business never gave me. It actually made me really sad to hear it because it’s something I probably need to face. It’s time to put everything on auto pilot and do something else.
Hard to monetize depression. That would look cool on a trucker hat. Maybe I’m underestimating myself?
Alarm is going off in 6 hours…going to be tired. Tired of laying awake and feeling miserable.
Really soon, maybe as early as tomorrow, I need to re-write my entire okcupid profile then replicate it on a few other dating sites and start just spending 15 minutes a day on the challenge of getting someone to meet you from the internet. I don’t take it personally getting rejected online…hell, i even try to move my rejection situations towards the easier route of text messaging. Tell me we are just friends over the phone via text, then we can smile and be friends next time and forget about how I liked you.
The trick to feeling better about rejection is making it such a regular part of your life that you notice it missing and get upset and correct it. Also quit buying alcohol and bringing it home. Pushups every morning. Leg lifts too.
I need to hire the painters. I’ll drink less if I fix this.
I read this in a reddit thread the other day and can’t think of anything better to describe my life right now. The way I look at it, if I’m going to really go after women outside of my normal range then I’m going to face a lot of rejection. More then probably before because I’ve never tried this before.
Reflecting on it, I’ve always been a lazy fuck when it comes to pursuing women. It works but honestly this is a time vs numbers game and effort is going to be required. Embrace every crushing rejection with the cold fact that we all die alone anyway. Like Louis CK said, even if you do find that person you have to watch them die or die before them leaving them miserable?
Below is a facebook post about the focus group I took part in to make a little extra money. Not like I have anything else to do with my life, why not. I drank 2 margarita’s at juans. Next time I do this I’m bringing a flask and filling up the water bottle before it starts.
Speaking of facebook, from now on, you update here and then there. I’m so tired of the weird judgmental feelings i get from absolutely no one and feel so much better wasting my life writing here then on fucking social media.
Sitting in waiting room at the focus group and it’s pretty quiet, room full of strangers. I see opportunity and say “did anyone else think it was weird they took our blood first?”
I had about 8 out of the 10 people with a “wtf? no i didn’t have to give blood” before 2 women called me out and ruined it
Still bored, I begin to make small talk with the guy next to me. He seriously asks if I’ve accepted the Lord into my heart.
I’m actually very religious so I agreed with everything he said and even commented on the awesome power of his Jesus. For the next 10 minutes before the survey started.
There was a tiny percentage that he was a small business owner interviewing web designers, no regrets.
Anyway, I’m really tired right now. I didn’t sleep a lot last night and it was drunken pizza/beer sleep. I did wake up, work out and get to the office by a crazy 8:30am. It was a model monday and I have to continue the momentum to tomorrow.
I don’t want to go to sleep tho. I want to do something enjoyable. Still honestly feel like I’m on I-55. Screw it, might as well be well rested and miserable.
I am never driving myself down I-55 alone ever again. Megabus and enterprise rent a car when I get to Memphis from now on.
I did a amazing job at seeing almost all my old friends and but did miserable as a family member. Need to spend more time at parent’s house with parents instead of using it simply as a place to sleep in between drinking sessions with my old life.
To be honest, i seriously sometimes wonder if my old childhood home is now kinda ruined after being pretty much forced to move back there a few years ago after losing everything. I had some super deep introspective drinking wine in the dark time a few times this trip and I can’t not feel like that house can sometimes symbolize a complete lack of control of life. Ugh that’s depressing.
I cannot put into words how much I hate making that drive. Every single second of it. I’ve tried audiobooks which help but didn’t really have a chance to get any loaded on the phones. It doesn’t matter tho, it’s still 6 hours of fucking trucks blocking both lanes, driving through the nightmare state of Mississippi through holiday traffic. Megabus or amtrak, no more driving that. Next time i travel from new orleans to memphis i will have a fully charged laptop, headphones, alcohol and have the absolute time of my life traveling from one city to another instead of a introspective nightmare.
I seriously almost could feel the negative energy start to build up as I spent more time driving. Even if you are listening to a great audiobook while getting a blowjob you’re still fucking driving through mississippi. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s different if you have someone with you but it’s just long enough to be terrible.
I’m sure this just sounds like bitching but it’s really almost a mindset. Instead of spending basically the same amount of money on gas vs a rental car for a few days and a fun bus ride. You have to be a little careful in Memphis because the bus drops you off in a pretty shitty area but I could go into the bar nearby, order a beer, call a cab and be anywhere i need to be in a great happy mood.
Fuck, I forgot to buy bbq sauce. Okay on next trip.
Very excited about the beer bottling. Still need to add photos to previous post…moral of the story is update with photos in real time. Never know when it’s going to be your last update either.
I have been thinking a lot about the feeling of acceptance I’m trying to get with dying with nothing but a string of crying women. It all kinda started with Kelly and ended with Kendra. Just a series of REALLY bad mistakes. I sometimes wonder if it’s not a coincidence that this all happened while on wellbutrin. This whole stupid site is has always been about drugs and alcohol ruining my life but you have to wonder.
Time to wash off I-55 and try to get ready for the next scary few weeks.