All throughout our lives we are owned. Being owned, meaning that you have been defeated in a battle against life, happens to us all everyday. Millions of times, we’re all owned over and over. For example, getting a phone call 3 hours before your flight telling you that it’s been cancelled.. A really really nice old Indian lady told me, really really slowly, that there were several severe mechanical problems and that the flight had been moved to….*drum roll*….5:15am! 5:fucking15am This is so gay, i’m sitting here completely dressed and ready to go away for 4 days and then i’m just here chilling. You don’t really plan anything for your day when you were expecting to be leaving the city……
I ain’t no bitch tho, i’m not going out like that. I’m just gonna sit there and smile while Delta treats me like i’m prison. No way will i let him crawl all over me, pull off his bandanna and stuff it in my mouth and just let him own me. I refuse to be owned without a fight. Tommorow morning toad will walk into the airport dressed in a suit and tie and say “Do you have any idea how important this meeting was? Have you ever heard of a little company called Microsoft? Well because of your goddamn plane being owned, i couldn’t make my meeting. My boss is going to own me because of this. I want free tickets for next month.”
well, ian is on his way to gimmie a ride to the airport. I got the laptop in the bag, camera charging and i’m forcing some oatmeal down before i get my Miller High Life for the plane ride. This’ll be the last update for a few days unless i stumble upon some internet access in erin and me’s little roadtrip adventure. If my plane crashes, then i want all of you to know how much i love each and every one of you. Especially the ladies.
Ain’t nothing better then drinking beer in a office. Especially when everyone there thinks your drinking water. See, the trick is to put the Brita Pitcher next to your huge foamy plastic cup of beer, so the whole time their like “oh, water” while you’re like “haha hell yeah, water in the house!”. I should have got a forty but i settled for a tallboy/two by four/24 oz can. At the gas station the lady takes a good 20-30 seconds to verify my age then commented on how young i looked and what was my secret. I informed her that the trick was just to drink when you were hungry and the pounds would fly off. We both laughed and i headed to the office.
Tonight is ian’s going away party. The camera is coming. Neither me or the camera may come back..
After a intresting day at the office with Marla, i settle in with my Corona forty nightcap and my mp3s. A website that has been, well, lets put it this way, been under construction a little longer then it was supposed to. It also cost a little bit more then it should have. Basically meaning i fucked up. And fucking up isn’t something that i like doing. Especially when i go about for months knowing that i fucked up and am still paying for it cuz it’s not done yet. So everytime my mind would go completely blank from thought, in this site would come. Needless to say, i’m glad the nightmare is over. Hopefully they will be cutting me a check tommorow and i’ll really get closure. At this point, like any other project that stretches out longer then it should, the money doesn’t really even matter. Now when my mind goes blank and i think of the site, i smile and think “owned”.
Jay, i appreciate the help and whenever you need painkillers, white slaves, a underground railroad to escape the country, etc, etc, you’ve got a friend. Winter, spring, summer or fall. All you have to do is msg. And i’ll come running….running….
There is this really really sweet lady at work named Debbie. Debbie always makes time in busy day to help the boss’s stupid hungover son with a proposal and other things that relate to all those things that go around actually designing a website…anyway, it’s not in her job description to help my dumb ass. I knew she drank Smirnoff Ice so about a week ago i bought her a 6 pack of it and put it in my fridge. Somehow, i’m not really sure how, but 3 of those Smirnoff Ice’s disappeared that night. Then at that point i was just like “why bother give it to her”.
So another week passes and on St Patricks Day I buy her another 6 pack, with the full intention of bringing the full complete 6 pack. Then last night after the 2 huge Coronas just wasn’t enough, 3 more Smirnoff Ice fell victim to AlcoholVampireToad. Now on a question of etiquette, do i give her the 3 remaing Smirnoff’s, replace the 3 missing Smirnoff’s with a Coors Tallboy, or finish the other 3 tonight in celebration….i don’t even like Smirnoff Ice 🙁
Today at lunch Darrel i told him about my new project i’m going to start writing. I’m going to title it Toad’s Guide To Webdesign In The South. It will cover the basics like avoiding clients that have deep southern accents, avoiding clients named Bubba
posted from bed…with a dead horse rotting in my stomach, i recall the events of last night’s party. We got there early then after Ian showed up it got uber crunk fast. Everytime i looked over and saw Ian and Sara they were shooting a red or brown colored alcohol. Nothing really crazy happened, just the usual Neils drinking….i remember arm wrestling with Nate and almost winning. Arm wrestling sucks cuz if their arm is longer then yours you’re basically screwed. I’ve had a long history of picking fights with Nate and last night i almost had him convinced to meet me outside and have a street fight on Madison.
haha the best part about last night was when this cute girl came up to me and after we were introduced by my friend she said “oh, so you’re toad!”. I was afraid i was about to find out that i was a father or something. We ended up talking most of the night and i think i gave her my number. Most of the night was a blur of whiskey shots and arm wrestling anyway.
ian departs on his cross country journal 4.0 tommorow destined for the golden city of Las Angeles. He tried to talk me into driving out there with him and flying back but i’m not really into roadtrips anymore, for the obvious reasons…ugh, anyway, time to go try to hydrate my poor broken body and try to work..
i called my mom earlier and told her about the cool little dispensers that give out mouthwash. I told her how special i felt that fox and hound wanted to take care of me. She however told me that they provide the mouthwash for people who had ordered spicey foods. She said they have the same dispensers at Corkeys, which serve ribs. I dunno tho, sounds like bullshit to me.
2am.. probably should go to bed…early day at the office tommorow…have to be there by 10…i have 3 alarms set, maybe i’ll wake up…..really tempted to drink one of the smirnoff ice’s i bought for debbie that’s in the fridge……must…not…drink….gift….i’ll just have one…”to help me sleep”
ahh, Pint Nite eve. In less then 2 hours the great Monday ritual begins. I’ll drive down to the Flying Saucer, drink $2.50 pints of some exotic beer and stare at the beautiful waitresses. Theres nothing better then getting sloshed on $10 worth of beer and talking about kidnapping and molesting waitresses with the other Saucer patrons. But first i must finish a flowchart for a site…which requirse flow chart making music. I loaded up c:mp3sgay and was rewarded with Tiny Dancer by Elton John. The volume goes up so that the rest of my neighbers can hear Elton’s beautiful tender voice.
ugh, pint nite…..the drive home wasn’t as bad as previous nights…took the back roads home…didn’t kill anyone….there was a waitress at pint nite who had this huge black and blue mark on the back of her ankle. Everyone(since i wasn’t drinking alone yet) was wondering what it was. I assured everyone that it was a bruise from handcuffs that she often wore during sex. The next time she came back to our table, i asked our kindly waitress…her name was….started with a L…Liz! yes! it was Liz, so i asked our amazing waitress what the mark was on the back of her ankle. She pulled back the stocking and said “My shoes do this”. We all laugh and smile and i feel foolish. It looked like a bruise…they all believed me…
hrmm, went fox and hound with everyone….had 2 beers…they only charged me for one…left dude a 4 dollar tip, went to bathroom. I went to wash my hands and noticed 2 little…well i’m not sure what they are, i think they are called spigots, that dispense soap. you push them down, it shoots out soap, you own bacteria, leave. but this has 2..spigots..one for soap and one for……mouth wash? it had a little plaque and everything that said MOUTHWASH. I noticed a bunch of little cups. I am supposed to use this mouthwash to kill the familar scent of beer on my breath! Wow. Sure my beer cost me 4.75 a pint for…Coors…but goddamn, they actually care about me! They don’t want me to get pulled over and have a bad experience with Fox And Hound. Thanks!