back into the desert with drunk Moses looking for the promised server

welp, im moving my site from BlueGenesis. They currently host crackhore and all my work sites. They won’t be by the end of the week. They suck. I’e never in my life had this much trouble getting to tier 2. I’m stuck talking to some moron who doesn’t want to go to the effort of helping me.

Friday afternoon, my herd of websites and i will begin wandering the desert of the internet looking for a place to setup camp. This is the 3rd time i’ve taken my flock to the brink of hell, and damn it, no web site shall be left behind. My buddy over at, Alex hooked me up with a buddy of his that is giving us a deal. Faster server, better server, cheaper, win, win win.


Local Autozone Customers More Helpful Then Employees

In the never ending adventure of keeping my car street legal, i head over to Autozone again. Last Autozone adventure i didn’t get any real help with my tail lights since the only woman there was a black woman who didn’t seem to want to help or know anything about cars.

I go to another Autozone and stand in line asking about fuses. A random redneck in line who just happened to ask me what i was there, says “ohhh if it’s just the running lights, then it’s obviously not the fuse, just replace the bulbs”

Sure, why, makes sense.

I now have bulbs. It has been a few days and im still unsure exactly how to remove the old bulbs. It’s not like installing ram, since my computer doesn’t have carpet on the inside which has to be moved.

That is horemobile0, horemobile1 is still in Mississippi. I am have to take it to a insurance company to get what is called a title bond. Then i can move that title to Tennesee, thus securing my “back up” car. I may need a 3rd one just in case these 2 get destroyed but i think i’m ahead of…my own drinking.

wtf omg rock star lolz

when did the status of webdesigner get elevated to rock star.

i get pulled over tonight in my redneck mobile, on the way home from my parent’s house, on walnut grove. my car has the magic ability to lose the “tail lights”. We’re cruising at exactly the speed limit, Brass Monkey blaring on the radio and bam, blue lights. i hate fords, i think the fuse is lose….anyway.

big black cop. lots of tattoos. lots of hair on his arm.

if you search “police” and “pulled over” in my site, you’d get a lot of hits.

this is another one 🙁

i fumble for my insurance, which is in console, the last place i look, first place valerie looks. with all the fumbling, he was probably already loading a shell into his gun.

he asks where i am going. i tell him home. i am going home, not lying. he looks at my license and says home is the opposite direction. because i was leaving my parents which is the address on the license. just lied to a cop, not win.

strike 1

i already know why he pulled me over, i tell him i just bought the car, still finding broken shit on it and apoligize. he asks who i bought the car from”. I can’t remember the guy’s name, it was on the receipt, it hasn’t been important until now. I’m not good with remembering things. I tell him i dont know.

strike 2

i find the receipt, title and insurance. not in handcuffs or back of car yet, still winning. he asks where i work. i say “i’m self employed”.

when i think “self employed” i think “drug dealer”. I am not a drug dealer. I don’t do drugs. Or drink.

he then asks what do. “i design websites”. I can almost feel the nightstick hitting my jaw. Valerie screaming, “omg omg omg”. He asks how much i make doing websites. I lie, “400 to 2 grand, really depends on what it is”.

He asks for a business card.

I don’t carry business cards.

He flashes the flashlight into Valerie’s eyes. “are you his girlfriend?” She smiles and says “yes”. He asks her how, how she expects im going to be a webdesigner without carrying business cards. She says “oh he’s just out, new car, you know”. I write my name, hand shaking from alcohol withdrawl, probably looks like sanskrit, my name and phone number.

While im writing it, he tells me to hurry “because he is about to get carried off by one of these mosquitos”. I don’t get a ticket, i pull off, manage not to get pulled over anymore times, and now im drinking. No, im not drinking. But if i did, i would.

But i don’t.

Valerie pointed out tho, that in the next week or two, i should expect a call. “Hey, remember me, i kept you out of a ticket”. Then im going to build some cop e-commerce site for free or else i’m going to get even more heat.


It’s like when they bust prostitutes and fuck them in some parking garage. But with websites. And me.

living la vida freelance

god, i am so about to be working at Subway if shit continues the way it does. I do some website work for my project manager, roughly 5 months ago. $600, not a lot of money but still will buy lots of wine, drugs and rent.

I call him a few weeks ago, ask about the check. He says the client hasn’t paid him yet, thats why he hasn’t got me a check, but he’ll pay me by Friday regardless. That was last Friday. It’s not thursday, no check has come.

Heather our secretary calls up and goes off on them. I call them and ask them wtf is going on. He says that if i want to do work with him, that he doesn’t want to do invoicing with Heather anymore, since she had a attitude with him. I like attitudes with people who owe me money.

He says he has a check at his office for me and i can swing by and pick it up. So after wasting a hour of my day, god knows how much gas, risking the fact that my mustang could probably explode at any second, just to pick up money that he owes me. The check is also dated for today, which means they didn’t even write a check until i told them i was coming by.

Ever heard of the fucking post office? They got these little trucks and will deliever invoices for REAL cheap.

I need to get a job.

fragile minds….

last night before i went to sleep, i remembered that valerie wanted to see Shaun of the Dead this weekend. Just a small mental note, no planning, no contemplating, just remembered.

I fall asleep and bam, i am trapped in a zombie nightmare. Now i have zombie dreams/nightmares pretty often, not really often enough since i really enjoy them. My dreams usually flow for the entire night, or at least until my brain starts building plot holes that wake me up. That always tripped me out, that i wake up when my creativity loses steam.

anyway, it’s kinda fucking with me that i have some mental trigger, if i even think about zombies, bam, zombie nightmare. I’ve had them all, zombies attacking schools, on airplanes, in a huge rotted out city (like last night) and there are always hot girls running with me.

If zombies ever attack me, will i die in peace knowing i was with angelina jolie, etc?

i really need to start thinking up real content for this site.

A Public Service to all of Crackhore’s white reader’s part three


This image is exciting to some, but the true fact is there is a reason Micheal Knight is white….because a black man would never be allowed to drive that fast.
The cops would wonder.”What’s that boy running from?….oh well let’s lynch um, Jethro.”

Case in point is the matter of Mr. Sek..last night.
Sek comes by and explains that he was pulled over for speeding..well nothing shocking there?…you say..well read on.
Sek for one thing was caught speeding by a police van of all things…..he was ticketed..insulted but allowed to leave.
This would not have happend to a black man….what?…you doubt this…then read these details, and honestly say I am wrong.

1…Sek was driving at a speed of 160 miles per a fourty five mph zone…yet, he was not charged with reckless driving.

2. He was in a race with another driver..and was traveling so fast that he did not even see the cop VAN as he flew past it.

3. He even went so far as to laugh and make light of it to the officer who finally pulled him over after he realized he was being pursued.

4. They did not search his car……if they had…bad news.

5. He confessed to the cops, in conversation.

6. They did not run his record..he is a repeat offender.

7. Once the ticket was wriiten they knocked it down to only 8 miles over the limit.

8. He was not carring his DL…they identified him by credit car.

9. He used profanity while talking to them…..if you are black, this is a death sentance.

This is just what i could see after a casual glance of the facts….Let’s be real here..and to Sek..congrats…wish i could do it too.

sexy blueeez

last night was the first night in 4 nights i hadn’t taken any bluez. i finally passed out at 6:30am with Return To Oz playing. wonderful dreams.

brad woke me up at 8 to take him downtown to see his lawyer, then to pay a fine at 201 poplar. i always end up updating when i go down to the jail/court house area out of town because the simple that this city is just fucked.

i sat outside of the jail for about 30 minutes waiting for brad and had the most fucked up conversations with the most random people waiting for other folks.

after all my new friends left me i found a magazine. it was made by the jehovah’s witnesses for pregnant teens.

i read it 3 times before brad comes out.

bunch of shit.

every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

it’s weird driving past parts of Poplar you’ve wrecked previous cars on in your new car. seeing the broken glass at the telephone pole that almost ended all the pain of living.

well it’s monday again. a long weekend of doing absolutely nothing, watching dvds and drinking. now im at the office, hands shaking, wondering how long it will take before i should force myself to eat.

mondays are so much more depressing for self employed people. i remember the feeling on mondays, like “well, gotta do what i gotta do” and would drag myself to work.

now it’s “time to hopefully find work, do the work, and not get fucked around”. oh well, tired of building other people’s empires when i need to start on my own.

i can’t believe i started quoting semisonic in updates. that’s a really bad sign.

this is what you get

to all the millions out in florida without power, suck it.

this is your sentence, you all deserve what you’re getting. You guys may recall a little election problem we had 4 years ago with your state. We’re not letting it happen again. I have already launched Frances and his 2 friends to make sure this whole “miscount” thing isn’t gonna happen again.

Let this be a lesson to you other states, if you fuck up your ballots, i’ll crush you.

at least you have your health

came home to a eviction notice today. apparently my gay neighbers, and they truely are gay, in the true sense of the term, have gotten our landlord, to evict us. great.

this is all because, in our lease, they handwrote “and clean up dog waste in backyard”. Even tho it is impossible to tell which shit comes from which dog, i better be back there.

we’ve been living here 3 months.

i’ve learned a lot about living in apartments. there are many rules that you must remember. if you have been there longer, suddenly everything you do is ‘okay’ and everything the ‘new’ tennants are doing is now worthy of being evicted.

it’s okay, we have 23 days to find a place.

the worst part is it’s seriously okay for them to break the terms in the lease, as in parking in the back parking lot and forcing me to park my car half a mile away on a street. that’s okay, read rule #1.

i dunno, i was really pissed and freaked out earlier. i mean either my parents will take her or i guess someone else will take her.