big ass garage sale

garage sale

show up, buy something, drink.

getting rid of everything, tvs, computers, furniture, it’s all gotta go.

come over saturday,-89.986954&spn=0.015726,0.048752&om=1

paste, come, drink, puke, get free shit.

you are all welcome.

even the ugly people


LOTS of stolen signs, all with good stories

white couch

pink couch




really nice wood dresser


computer chair

Phillips dvd player/divx player

LOTS of random computer equipment, no reasonable offer denied

a few random kitchen things, lots of glasses

clothes, lots of t-shirts, some decent business casual stuff that my parents gave to me and isn’t hawaiian

yeah um

So Toad, we need to have a talk.

You are not fufilling yourself with women lately. I frequently describe my romances with females lately as a plane, flying perfectly okay. Like the female totally might be into this, it looks like it’s going well. Then the engines start to sputter.

The behind my date(plane) a nazi plane shows up. He takes aim. Oh god, i just told her that i’d fuck her if she was dead, but only after like a hour. The nazi shoots, we’ve lost the left wing. The famous toad wit fires back with fake confidence but then the nazi plane shoots the side of the plane and now i’ve lost both my gunners.

She’s getting up and leaving. The pilot of the other plane is like, “look, we’ve lost most of the crew so it’s just me and my co pilot”. They look at each other(i hug her as she’s leaving, thinking hmm maybe).

The plane crashes into the mountain. The pilot and copilot are killed instantly. The bodies of the crew members are instantly incinerated. The nazi strafes the crash site just to make sure none of the americans are left.

Nazi future non ex girlfriends. Zionist invaders. God im so fucking depressed. What sucks is i can actually take a step back and go “wow if you didn’t say fucked up shit, girls might like you”. Peter said the other day, after him and Kristy willfully offered up a sacrficial lamb(girl) to me. I, of course, get shot down by the nazi pilots.

Feel free to photoshop some world war 2 style “toad is going to start murdering pets if you don’t go out with him” posters.

Now to finish the rest of her wine, with her wine glass, listen to tori and go to sleep and have more dreams about being in a plane crash.

Now if that analogy lost you, josh has helped me with another one. He thinks my dating is more like 9/11. My date is going great and then suddenly people break out boxcutters. The people with boxcutters don’t exist tho. Because Cheney probably did this. I dunno, it’s tough to try and really compare 9/11 to my dates because i only have one of them at a time instead of 3-4 controlled demotions. And i don’t purposely blow up the buildings.

BigBabyOwlJesus: (amy) that wont get a sympathy fuck out of me
Toad: goes into the mountain
Toad: tell that cunt i wasn’t talking to her
Toad: i was asking you about my nazi dating metaphors, she already said no she’s cast into the fires
BigBabyOwlJesus: (amy) at least i got lots of company down here in the fire pit, it’s a big party
Toad: did that make any sense? i had a few people who are like “no i don’t get it”
BigBabyOwlJesus: honestly i did like the 9/11 metaphors better
BigBabyOwlJesus: but i understand it
Toad: yeah
Toad: i actually referenced that
Toad: in a aim window
BigBabyOwlJesus: it made sense to me
Toad: lemme add that
Toad: yeah but
Toad: who is cheney in this
Toad: maybe the inner me
Toad: i secretly plan it?
BigBabyOwlJesus: cheney is toad, michael is the hero on flight 93 that realizes what is going on and tries to call for help to stop it but dies anyways?
BigBabyOwlJesus: or maybe michael is the 911 widows cuz toad keeps him from getting laid?
Toad: i dunno
Toad: okay
Toad: added the 9/11 reference
BigBabyOwlJesus: shouldve just pasted the aim log from earlier lol
Toad: yah

i didn’t do anything!

so im about to watch my pirated copy of clerks 2. my computer crashes and it reboots. then the power goes. fine, god, i won’t watch this, yet.

marla and i go for a walk. we walk and walk. im about a block away when i see a squad car. i’m not that drunk but um, okay im drunk.

the car pulls up right in front of me and i feel a little pee go down my leg. no it didn’t happen but thats what it felt like, in my mind,  you know.

i realize it’s my cop friend, *********, the lady mowing her lawn a few yards away looks intently like she’s about to witness the next rodney king. we sit and talk a while about new orleans, etc and he goes away. i look at her and go “wow i thought i was fucked” and she says “yah i havn’t been in trouble with cops in years but it still scared the hell of me”. We talk for a minute and i walk back to my apartment like “wow, i am so scared of cops”.

i know my cop friend probably doesn’t read this site anymore but it was so lol how he pulled up all *rawr*, cutting me off in the middle of the street just to say “sup toad” but it was great.

oh well, we all got a good life.

free cat

so i need to find a home for my cat Sliver…..the house of mews is all full and i don’t want to take him to a kill shelter. I’m moving to new orleans in a 5 days and my parents hate cats. They’re going to watch marla until i get settled but i need to find either a temporary or perm home for Sliver.

He’s a really loving cat but it’s going to take me weeks to find a apartment and dunno what to do. Please msg me if you’re interested. I know it sounds cold hearted but i’d rather give him to a myspace stranger then a shelter thats going to put him down.

I also am considering eating him.


rachael and i were having bloody mary’s and lunch today and she came up with a good idea.

she said i should write a updates about everyone i know here that i have unresolved issues with lots of people in memphis.

so now im going write a series of updates directed directly at, well, you all.

i am moving ftw

well, i think im moving.

i faxed in the signed off today and im about to start a really interesting job in new orleans.

i can’t really talk about who exactly im working for out of fear of google but this is going to be a real change.

looking at the future now it really makes me wonder whats going to happen.

part of me thinks this will be a great change and further every aspect of my life.

another part thinks im going to fuck it up, end up living in my car with marla in the french quarter.

But you know what? i just can’t seem to care or worry. I am getting rid of everything i don’t need and changing for the better. I’m going to be employed for the first time in almost a decade and i think my company in memphis might actually sustain itself. Only due to the leetness of Rachael and Peter.

Thank you both in advance.
To the rest of my viewers, im having a garage sale/keg party next saturday on the 28th of July.

I will post my address closer to the date because, well, im not a idiot.

Who knows who reads this bullshit.

Manufactura and Helltrash

Manufactura and Helltrash are kicking down the door of this boring-ass city and putting on a show that is guaranteed to split your eardrums. This all-ages performance is EXACTLY what Memphis needs!! And all you underaged bastards out there better cash in on your opportunity to see this kind of Mayhem in your formative years. If you’re lucky it’ll scar you for life. 🙂


704 Madison Ave
Memphis, 38103


I hate when strange rumors about this site get passed around. Apparently people have been talking about a “crackhead fishing” post that i don’t know anything about.
This website is about alcoholism, stalking and ficticious drug use.

And most importantly, Jesus.

The libel being performed against my site is unexecusable and i have contacted my lawyers to get this issue resolved.

are you scoutmastertoad, king of the webdesigners

wow so i think it’s gonna be the end of this terrible memphis chapter.

i mean im totally jinxing it up by posting about it, but im moving anway, now it’s out of my hands. Unless those CIA nazi fuckers watching this.

Im moving soon, either sooner or well, later

This is the first i’ve talked about this to, well, anyone. But im going to sign this offer to move to a undisclosed city to heal some websites. When the web jesus sign goes up in the sky, he can’t just say no.

Im having a garage sale, the date isn’t set yet but if you want anything that has to do with me. I’m talking about computer shit, stolen shit, furniture, everything.

Come hook it up.

Everything must motherfucking go. Im getting rid of my couches, chairs, tables, everything that you want in a modern apartment. If you don’t buy it then the salvation army is going to get it. Do you want my pink couch killing kids for some army?

I, um, don’t care.

Anyway, i’mma post the date when i sign this contract and everyone gets whatever they want.