going to be late for work tomorrow

got the kegerator together, watching fraggle rock on tv links. just the theme song to this show brings back long dead brain cells.

earlier when i saw marla licking the side of the kegerator i realized i might have left out a gasket when putting it together. i turn it off, see exactly where i screwed up, restore the co2 and give marla a bowl of beer as a reward.

joy in carbs

okay so there are 2 older women at work, both are older, administrative type. the sweetest women, not a mean bone in their body yet are both will tell you straight up if they disagree with you but will say it in such a nice way that you feel bad.
they both eat lunch in the breakroom everyday and i always go in and have a little 15 minute standup show. they expect it now, when michael walks in they are both like “okay here we go”.

I told them earlier this week that i’m no longer eating sandwiches for lunch. They are both eating their sandwiches. I’m switching to salads, got to lose a little more weight to get faster. They think im insane since i’m already pretty thin. They had mentioned to each other earlier if i wanted to keep lean, getting a kegerator and a endless supply of beer isn’t going to help.

and they are right, just like the bread in sandwiches, beer has a lot of carbohydrates.

i try to explain that the joy i get out of a roastbeef poboy is no where near the joy i get out of a pint of beer.
basically, if you’re going to drink beer every night, you gotta give up bread. and it’s a obvious choice to give up bread because i could eat a loaf of bread and not feel as good as i do after 3 pints and some nin.

i just made my salad for tomorrow while pouring my glass of whiskey, laughing to myself thinking about the 2 women at work who are probably making their sandwiches but are tripping over their coffee table 🙂

this has been my way of life for a long time and i feel wonderful. i’m in the best shape of my entire life(physically, probably not mentally but thats another update). i believe in a equal balance.

pint of beer, chicken salad beats glass of water and sandwich anyday.

it’s the same reason i don’t take aspirin or tylenol. It’s bad for your liver. When i take aspirin i don’t sing karaoke, but when i take alcohol i get to enter the limelight. i’ll get over the headache but only beer and karaoke can mend the hole in my soul.
i’ll live roughly as long as they will but have a bunch more fun with my carbs then them.


hehehe my kegerator got here today…huge box..massive…my neighbor signed for it…bless her heart…must buy her a bottle of wine…

i took it out of the box and put it in it’s corner….will assemble tomorrow….pick up keg soon….i never really did the math until today but it should pay for itself soon….i sometimes kinda wonder how much money i’ve wasted over the years buying beer by the case and worse..by the 6 pack…oh well…

today, September 20th will be a day of rejoicing.

Kegerator Eve.

i think when things calm down i’m going to start trying to brew my own beer. like cooking, i will have several disasters which i will not really like but consume. all in good time.

i don’t understand child molesters

Now lets say you’ve had a urge. I do not have urges for girls underage but i’m sure some of my sicko viewers do. They sound so cute and so tempting TO YOU and it’s just hard to resist. But i’m sure somewhere in your head you’re thinking you know it’s wrong and there is jail and To Catch A Predator.

I’d like to tell all my child molester in recovery readers about a little thing i’ve really gotten off of. Now i’m like a lot of people, when i see a hot over 21 bartender and she really doesn’t get how perfect i’d be for every part of her. But i am also not suave enough to even communicate basic stuff to a female without the help of aim.

It’s just the rejection really hurts in real life. It really does. A lot.

But i’ve found out lately that there is another way to molest women and not get arrested!

It’s called technical support for web hosting!

Now hear me out.

I usually call my hosting companies and get some indian dude. Every once in a while, especially when i call at 11:20pm on a Monday and i’ve been drinking, i get someone who sounds cute. She may give me the nameservers i need but she gives me a whole lot more.

It’s a lot like the sensation i have when i have someone legally of age tied up. I can pretty much do anything and she can say “is there any technical question i can help with you?” over and over but until i say “naw thanks for the help” and untie her/hang up, she’s mine.

Tech support people have a line, if you start moaning they’ll hangup and you’ve lost her forever. Gotta just keep it playful…yet dirty. Start out asking where they are from….ask them what they do for fun….ask what if her boyfriend feels the same…oh she doesn’t have a boyfriend…so….are you on hotornot?

It’s not a exact science but neither is masturbation.

I’d like to dedicate this update to Dezaray(sp probably) from godaddy and her excellent and sexy nameserver information. Cuz im going to eat your nameservers until your…god nevermind

calling to verify some charges

i just got a phone call from my bank to verify some charges on my account. the really ignorant sounding woman asks me if i’ve made a 35 cent charge a few minutes ago on my account. i say yeah that’s cool, she moves down my list of transactions, “did you just spend $11 at a dakuri, duhkuri, im not sure how to pronouce this”. I start laughing and say DAIQUIRI, DAIQUIRI SHOP. she’s like “is that french?”

i have to put the phone down after this because it’s just too much. she mispronounces another 4 business names and at this point i’m opening up the crackhore admin window.

quoted for truth

You might or might have seen this on Digg but it’s worth a read.
President Bush,

As a New Yorker who lived through the horrors of September 11th firsthand; who lost a family member in the chaos that ensued; and who had colleagues, friends, and fellow students whose lives were forever changed by the actions of a small group of terrorists, I find your comments to the nation tonight, September 13, 2007, to be galling, tactless, and above all else, incredibly insulting.

Your repeated allusions to Al-Qaeda in Iraq and the completely misguided insinuation that our troops are somehow stationed there because of this new terror group is bewildering and enraging. The brave men and women who find themselves in the midst of ethno-sectarian violence and a full-blown civil war are not there because of any Al-Qaeda threat. Instead, they risk their lives daily because of your stubbornness and unwillingness to admit the validity of any position divergent from your own. Your continued poor judgment has wounded over 27,000 servicepeople and stripped over 3,700 families of mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers.

In the face of all who have lost loved ones so near and dear, both on 9/11 and in this misguided arm of your “war on terror,” it is reprehensible to suggest that the motivation behind leaving 130,000 troops on duty in Iraq has anything to do with Al-Qaeda or terrorism. Prior to our invasion, Al-Qaeda in Iraq simply did not exist. The quagmire you have inspired has lead to the creation of this offshoot organization–distinct from the Al-Qaeda that has struck us in our country and elsewhere–and to what is quite arguably the most effective, free recruitment campaign that terrorists could have ever dreamed up.

If your decision is to lie unabatedly to the American public, please retain at least a shred of dignity by not invoking Al-Qaeda so incessantly in your rhetoric. We are not an ignorant people, we know when we are not being told the truth, and we are outraged that you continue to denigrate the memory of the innocent men and women who died in what was a legitimate terrorist act. Mr. President, we are not in Iraq because of Al-Qaeda, nor shall we remain there because of a nonexistent threat, and for you to suggest these falsehoods should be an impeachable offense.


A Loyal American

source link 


went to savacenter today to pickup some food today. there is a little trick i’ve learned in not buying more food then you can put in your messenger bag and on the handle bars. you don’t get a cart or basket. if you can carry it in your two arms/chest then it’s light enough to where it’s not a nightmare to ride home. last week i rode home with a bag of dogfood on my back and that sucked.

anyway, i’m a sucker for those rottiserie chickens they have at grocery stores. one of those, bag of salad, some bread and i’m good. so i pick up a few extra things like wine, etc. i’m about to check out, got my arms full when i realize i need bread. i go over to the bread rack, adjust the chicken, salad, bottle of wine and some pringles when my hand slips.

the plastic chicken container goes down and falls upside down into the bread rack. chicken juice spills out over everything on the rack, chicken falls on floor. i look left, look right at all the other shoppers who just saw me soak half the bread on the rack. i back away slowly, get another chicken off the heading pad and walk calmly to the self checkout.

i slide my card and notice the looks of other shoppers, just staring at me in disgust, disbelief or just surprise.

i sit here and wonder how long the chicken sat on the floor, all steam, warm and tasty looking until some minimum wage worker walked by and said “umm” and had to clean it up. then their eyes wonder up to the bread rack and go “oh wtf”.

i have a long history of causing damage to stores. anytime i go to walmart with anyone, i’ll purposely knock stuff off the shelves just to see the look on people’s faces and embarrass anyone i’m with. but this was completely unintentional which made it even better.


my good friend candie in California recently ran into some problems with the law and ended up with a little jail time. it was weird seeing her aim name just disappear off my list and knowing where she was and what she was probably going through.

i see her name sign on last week with the little cellphone icon next to it.

i msg her like “um?”

turns out she’s out of jail and now is in rehab.

and she’s signing on aim with a smuggled cell phone.

but she’s out of jail and now she’s in rehab.

it’s seriously the hottest thing i’ve ever heard of. picturing her fine asian ass in some small little rehab room giggling with a cellphone talking to me on aim all abbreivated and shit.

if i ever go to jail/court ordered rehab, people better be smuggling me in phones, ipods and wine.


so i get to the gym early and my new running partner doesn’t show up. i start anyway figuring she might be running late. I got to 5 miles and decided to see how far i can go, feeling pretty good. The system of a down album ends and on comes ohgr….the 9th and 10th mile were more stumbling then running but i decided to stop. 100 laps on that stupid 10th mile track.
it’s like running laps in a cubicle.
i’m walking 1 last lap when a girl who’s been running/walking says “wow ive been in here a hour and haven’t seen you stop”. I mutter something about how i earned my wine tonight.

i collapse on the ground and start stretching out the battery acid blood out of my legs. the really cute blonde comes up and we start talking. this girl is cute in a totally different way from the girl that stood me up. we talk for a minute, i give her the 10 minute “how i got to new orleans” speech, she tells me about her major, typical small talk.

we walk down the steps into the lobby and i tell her i’ll see her around. i really wish i had asked her out but i feel so sleazy asking a girl out the first time i meet her. if i see her tomorrow it’s different but i really don’t know how to come across pathetic. i’m terrible at reading women 🙁 so much easier on aim.
oh well. tune in tomorrow.


this is really pathetic but i met a girl at the gym last week while running on the gym. i ran my normal 5 miles and kept following this gorgeous creature. i say to myself “i’ll keep running until she stops.” The problem is i picked a a girl who seems to be able to really run. I lose track after the next few miles and she finally stops. A few times she starts sprinting and i figure i have to keep up. This is nature at it’s finest. The dangling carrot and alice in chains help me run a 10k on a 10th mile track.

i collapse on the ground and feign stretching wondering if this is the normal feeling you have before a heart attack. i stretch my poor owned muscles and as she walks past me i apologize for pacing myself off of her.  i explain i usually only get those last few miles if i have the help of someone. and honestly this is true, it’s just not always a attractive female. i’m not flirting, just apologizing.

we talk for a few minutes, she’s not from here, runs 4 times a week, needs a running partner. i say “sure, same time next week?”. we agree.

since then i’ve been pushing myself as hard as possible running and biking. it’s taking me less then 6 minutes to get to work now and i almost puked today on the tredmill. i think i am ready.

i’ve never really ran with anyone before. running has always been a solitude masochist experience for me. just the music and all my self hatred and optimism. i’m honestly a little worried since i’m a smoker that making any kind of small talk is going to be more difficult for me….

in other social experiences i have with women i have my best friend there with me. this will not be true tomorrow. there are no illicit substances available to make me look more attractive.

and damn do i need a haircut.

it’s comforting to know that if she even remembers to meet me, there’s no way she’s been writing on her website about me. so i’m already a loser.