Month: September 2003

Dildo

Drinking continues as it does at most apartments at 3am on a Monday night. I figure it would be funny to have marla porn with the dildo. More drinking, the dildo goes in everyone's mouth, whether they like it or not.

Ian comes home and exclaims he's been up for 2 days drinking and passes out, cell phone in hand, on the pink couch. Poor ian doesn't wake up when i place the huge rubber cock in his lap and procede my photograph him.

He looks so peaceful.

These are probably the most fucked up pictures on my website.

Enjoy.

god

got drunk at computers on southern comfort, worked on mysql with my friend sam, passed out at 3am to cool hand luke..

around 10:30am i hear a loud pounding my on window near my bed. i must be getting robbed again.

alas, it’s josh and christy. Marla houls in anticipation as i stumble out of bed, still drunk and high, and pray my roommate hasn’t been woken by them pounding on my window and screaming.

luckily ian wasn’t here.

now im drinking a beer

America, the failed project.

Just because one religion says we should take the day off I'm sitting here completely sober and I'm pissed. What is up with that? Sure, I'm only 19, i can't buy alcohol, but if i could, i'd be really pissed that the only thing i could buy is beer. Beer is only fun on a few occasions so what if I'm not in a beer mood on a Sunday?!
Sorry toad, we here in the United States Of America say the church and state are seperate, but since the church says its wrong, it probably is, so lets make a law! AHAHAHAHA Damn it. I work in a call enter that is open 365 days a year and we serve almost no purpose except to lie to people. Look, i know the church is against drinking for some strange reason but is the church also against lying? Yup, thats right. So by logic, shouldn't call centers be closed on Sundays also, to prevent lying as they do drinking on Sundays? The 9th commandment says do not bear false witness, so i think bearing false witness on a Sunday is like extra bad.

Now you may be thinking, all those people who own liquor stores need Sundays off to rest for all their hard work they do all week helping AMERICANS get their booze. Thats crap, as much as they deserve rewards, they shouldn't be forced to or be allowed to have their place of business closed just because its a certain day of the week. Know what the solution is for that? HIRE MORE EMPLOYEES!

Hell, i don't think these places should even be closing at 11pm, they should be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to promote drinking just like a call center promotes lying! If i want to be lied to at 4:30am i know what number i can call but if i want a rum and coke at 4:30am I'm shit out of luck for like another 8 hours. A friend made the argument that you should just stock up on Saturday. What if i don't want to?! My forefathers died so i can be lazy and buy my alcohol any damn time i want. But i guess since it was members of the National Brit Church that landed on this country first, well technically they didn't but thats a whole other editorial, they think that i can't buy alcohol from liquor stores on Sunday. Damn it all.

Footnote***Thanks to Queen Jenny for giving me information on the 9th commandment so i didn't have to look it up.

Camping Diaster 2003

We buy our beer at the America Store gas station, which i thought was kinda funny since it was a pseudo Arab behind the counter. I was amused that a gas station in MS sold blunts, scales and just about anything else you'd need to do drugs.

We get to the camp ground, unpack all the shit, and start drinking. The sun goes down, Andy and Dave's friend Sam shows up, more drinking. Suddenly the sky darkens and the rain comes down. We stumble around, drunk and high, desperately trying to assemble our shanty town with a tarp. It is severely hindered by toad's lack of soberiety.

Then came the mushrooms.

Nothing like a head full of domestic beer and shrooms out in the middle of the woods to get you thinking. Andy added more and more to my paranoia telling me that “Angry Tiki” was going to come out of the woods and get me.

We sat by the roaring fire, listening to music and having a relatively peaceful time when we realize we don't have enough wood to make it through the night.

Im terrified by the idea of the warmth and love of the fire going out. Sam and Dave leave to find the ranger to see if we can buy more wood. The return empty handed. We start foraging for dry wood to keep the fire going. This is a lot harder because of the drugs.

Finally we decide that the best course of action is to try to shear the broken limbs off the trees near by. This works fairly well, pulling down 1-2 limbs and adding to the fire until the rope that we have Dave's boots on gets wrapped up on a branch about 20 feet in the air.

Not win.

I finally stumble back to my car after dispersing Seroquel to all those who want to go to sleep. I climb into my car since i was too fucked up to setup a sleeping bag/tent and slam my door. This is when my driver side window shatters, spraying glass all over a very surprised and very tripping toad. The irony of this is if i would have spent the $70 to get the track on my window fixed. Now i have to replace the window and probably need to get some counseling after the broken glass scared the shit out of me.

Not win again.

I fall asleep wondering who im going to have to blow to get enough money to fix my window.

I wake up the next morning, curse my window and watch Andy and Dave throw a Mountain Dew bottle at the boots, still caught in the tree. I suggest they tie the rope to the truck and break the shoelace that's caught the boots. It works.

The moral of this story. If something is broken, fix it, immediately. Beg, borrow or blow to get the money cuz it'll eventually get you in the end.