Month: April 2004

im sitting here on her sister’s couch, drinking coors and watching unsolved mysteries whil the wedding shower occurs next door.

i am so glad im not there.

i can hear the cackling and laughing of women in full bridal enjoyment.

i need more beer.

ive met so many different people and have been introduced as valerie’s fiance which i said “not yet” with a smile. i feel really sorry for her sister since valerie is the only blood relative that came to the wedding. i feel even more sorry since she brought her drug abusing alcoholic boyfriend along with her.

drug abusing alcoholic boyfriend does not equal family.

ive felt pretty akward, rolling into their house and just chilling on the couch drinking cheap domestic beer but they havn’t said they hate me yet.

it’s really nice out here, so nice that it’s depressing. that’s always been a very annoying personality trait, when i get somewhere nice i slowly get depressed because it’s so much nicer then the hell mouth i live in now.

if you live outside of memphis and make websites, please hire me

we’re going to san diego to visit valerie’s sister for her wedding. i’ll go, i havn’t been to san diego in a few years, sounds great.

my mom drives valerie and i to the airport. my mom doesn’t know that i have a 40 poured in my water bottle and can’t tell why im so friendly and nice.

we eat a expensive meal at the little rock airport and go thru security at little rock. they look thru my backpack, confiscate a lighter and a bottle opener, which i totally could have taken over a plane with, yet he doesn’t even mention or even give me the satisfactation of being surprised when he sees the Hacker hat, the american flag and the bath towel i have folded up with the lighter.

im disappointed in the lack of not happiness

a brief flight and we arrive in dallas. while in dallas we realize we’re on a plane with a dozen marine recruits. val and i watch cnn and the death and hell that bush has created in iraq and valerie starts to mention how she opposes the war, wonders what would happen if someone else had been elected, etc.

i try to silence her, since getting my unpatriotic ass beat by a bunch of marines doesn’t sound like a good beginning to my vacation. we board the plane and sit next the most annoying hispanic girl who refuses to stop flirting with the poor marines that are just on a plane ride to a body bag.

i read almost 200 pages of Disco Bloodbath 2000 and we land. valerie and i have put so many miles on our bodies in the last 3 days that it should be a war crime. after the drive to natchaz chase park, the drive to little rock and the drive home, i am sick of moving.

the long ass trip from dallas to san diego is mostly disco bloodbath for me, my girlfriend bored as fuck and we land. we are both so travel worn at this point that it’s not even able updatable.

the groom picks us up, he asks me what i do, i try to explain that i “make websites”, he tells me i need i need to broaden my horizons, i agree. we get to their VERY nice house, equipted with a very cool dog, a hot tub and a fully stocked bar.

valerie and i share a glass of wine with her sister, who is probably the leetest person i’ve ever met hacker/security wise, then she goes to bed. val wants to know if i want a seagrams and coke. fine. then a sierra nevada to go with the unisom.

infants don’t sleep this well.

i had dreams about fighting nightmares along side michael aligh. i somehow roll out of bed, kinda jet lagged, waking up at 10 and it being very lagged.

we wake up and head to get alcohol. we go to the local rite aide, which sells liquor. i have a 10 minute discussion with the rite aide clerk about how leet it is that their rite aide sells liquor. she asks me if our rite aides are called “lite aides”. i say nope, looks the same as the rite aides i go to almost everyday to restock on beer.

after she stares at my id, then asks a manager to inspect my id, i get my 30 pack of coors light and tequlila and hobble out to the jeep that her sister generously(stupidly?) let me borrow.

we head to the beach and drink coors out of my backpack using crackhore koozies to hide the fact that we’re drinking illegally on the beach. i love the beach, i take pictures of a seagull.

we get back and suddenly valerie’s sister’s groom’s friends come over.

i am now uncomfortable.

my lovely girlfriend feeds me drugs and beer, i lose a game of pool to the pre-groom and i retreat to my computer. nothing like uploading my ego to make sure it’s not gone if i die.

it’s weird hanging out with a bunch of people you don’t know that would probably like you if you could talk to them one on one.

just now, while im updating, i see the soon to be groom walking outside. i scream “oh my god, he’s carrying a dead cat!”. valerie: don’t screw with these people, their marines.

it’s weird hanging out with ex marines.

i don’t want to die.

okay, back to the party, think ive gotten enough update done to feel okay again.

i shouldn’t laugh, i mean, as much as i’d love for all my drunken adventures and mishaps to be on videotape, this was a bad example.

lol omfg hahaha.wmv

i still think it’s pretty lol…i manage to drive around drunk everyday but the only thing ive hit has been a fire hydrant and that 13 yr old on a bike.

i roll out of bed at 9:20am, grab the half empty glass of wine(or half full) and head to the shower. the water echos in my hangoverness, i stumble out, dry hair and put on my favorite meeting shirt.

i walk out the door, full glass of wine now and shuffle towards car, briefcase in one hand, glass of merlot in the other.

my neighbers across the street, very respectable looking, probably christian, give me the “more then 10 second stare” which usually warrants me to say something.

i lift my wine glass, say “good morning!”, get in my car and drive off. i carefully drive in the opposite direction so they can’t get my liscense plate #.

i was thinking while i drove to my meeting, it’s true when they say wine makes you more dignified alcoholic. i don’t know many people who can drive stick shift with a glass of wine in one hand.

my meeting went okay…..not a win but not a loss….i walk back to my car, slightly upset that it didn’t go as well as it could have, pick my glass of wine off the floorboard of my car, take a sip and drive home.