you cannot kill the elephant

*puts on portishead album*

*pours glass of whiskey*

so i almost died tonight. was driving through north parkway and poplar….light turns red….we’re listening to the widow on mars volta’s 2nd album…..BAM*spin*spin*spin*grass*median*

we’re hit by this poor(but insured) girl. 5 police cars show up. i strip my car of it’s wordly possessions, ie the radar detector, stereo, blanket, etc and 2 hours later a cop drives me home.

i’m not taking this that bad. as a cancer i know, these are the risks of leaving my apartment/shell. people run red lights….at least i wasn’t going 3mph faster or else she would have hit my passenger side door, shattering glass into my face and probably breaking my mouse arm.

i seriously almost cried watching them tow my del sol onto the back of the tow truck. the car that symbolized my fate in humanity, smashed by it.

ugh i keep fading into real bitterness that my somewhat perfect life is now a jail then back to “wow i’m so glad i have my arms and legs” and “im glad the girl that hit me isn’t bleeding on her dashboard with a rain poncho covering her”.

good thing i work from home.

when the cop was giving me a ride home, we see the tow truck at the exxon with my poor car, bleeding on the back. The tears start to well up again. You’ve been a good car, del sol. The direct hit nailed my back axle, so the frame/etc might be bent, thus owning my car totally.

Kelley says a 95 del sol is worth about 5 grand. So worst case scenario, i get 5k to build a new del sol. Things are not as bad as i want them to be?

I left a terminally ill friend of mine’s house before the wreck. If i had stayed for 2 more seconds to comfort him then maybe the universe wouldn’t have thrown this into the mix…..see it’s this kind of thought that we need to evolve past….everything doesn’t happen for a reason…it’s called random for a reason…

long rant short, i’m alive, car can probably be fixed, if not we rebuild. The Chinese have the same word for opportunity as crisis. I have the beer my girlfriend left me monday.

Everyone get drunk tonight cuz I’m still not dead. I got hit by a Explorer going 30ish in a fucking del sol, the go-cart of the civic line, and lived, again.

get in my way now.

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