the worst thanksgiving ever

I haven?t lived a long life. A awfully short 25 years. I’ve had a lot of good times at holidays and i’ve had a lot of terrible experiences. I will be 50 years old and never forget this how my Thanksgiving was shattered in 2005.

Los Angeles ? Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, who turned mid-level music careers into Hollywood superstardom by celebrating their marriage in an MTV reality show and television specials, are calling it quits after months of salacious breakup rumors.


God, everything was going so well in my life and now look at this. Nick and Jessica are even falling apart. I heard the rumors of the breakup yesterday and immediately started drinking whiskey. Later that evening, I mourned their breakup with some tallboys.

Some people have said, “Toad, your taking this way too rough”. I mean sure, I’ve never met either of them, I didn’t watch their TV show and I didn’t even know she was a musician until someone told me.

But this obviously has to be really important. I mean duh, it wouldn’t be on top of Google News if it was a stupid trivial thing not worth even updating about?

People keep telling me that binge drinking will not get Nick And Jessica back together. But how do they know? I mean a butterfly flapping it’s wings can start a hurricane. A bunch of beer and NIN in Memphis might, um, maybe make Nick’s publicist and Jessica’s publicist have cocktails? They’ll both sit down with their binders and laptops and maybe see the error of their ways? Jessica’s album says might need a boost? Nick might start acting?

I think what really scares me is that this fever might spread through Hollywood. If a rock solid relationship like theirs can crumble, that means Brittany and um whoever she got knocked up with, could break up too?

In closing, I think we all need to have a few drinks for Nick and Jessica and pray that a meteor is heading towards this stupid pointless planet so we actually have something to interesting to read about. The massive death in Africa, the current state of our government and maybe um, the bird flu that’s owning China?

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