don’t fuck with me

i am such a fucking asshole

so a few days ago i see a car pull into the driveway of my duplex. and when i say my, i mean, i’ve been living here, in this roach infested, drafty, poorly wired shit hole, for 2-3 months without anyone living in the other part of the house. He looks like a nice guy. He’s unlocking the door to the apartment. Out comes toad, Dark Side Of The Moon blaring, stumbling. “dude, you havn’t signed a lease yet, have you?”. “No why.” I give him my sales pitch, asking him if he likes roaches, cuz some people like it…..he says he’s going to call her and back up.

just now a very very fine looking black woman pulled up in a beat up camry. Her name was L something. Anyway, i see her car pull up. I roll out the door, got the Homer slippers on, hoody and camo pants. I’ve perfected my sales pitch at this point. We talk for like 20 minutes about how she can do better then this apartment and how she needs to hit She asks me if she can print from it. I tell her she can and she’ll find a much better place then this.

don’t you fuck with me. That’s right Annie, i’m taking you on. You’re not going to rent the rest of this place while i’m here. I’m not putting that on my conscience, letting someone move into this fucking butthole of a apartment. The apartment jesus has saved 2 people and will continue to warn people of the dangers of this duplex.

duplex jesus ftw.

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