i love my girlfriend

Valerie and i went to walmart and target today to pick up some food and such for the new apartment. Whenever i get out in public with Valerie, i tend to go to extreme lengths to try to embarass her. I have no idea why i’m so entertained by her embarassment but i have this insatiable urge to draw attention to myself and her.

It started with a small pillow i picked up a display. I waited till she walked a little ahead of me and threw it at her. A minute later a target employee walks by and picks it up, puts it back in the bin with the others. I start laughing uncontrollably. She asks if that made my day. I tell her yes.

It gets worse when we get to walmart. I start ramming the shopping cart into shelves, trying desperately to break things on display. This leads to me ramming the cart into a stack of tupperware bins which fall. Everyone turns and stares.

We get to the frozen food section and i start screaming VALLLLERRRRRNNNNNIEEEE at the top of my lungs in “the retard voice”. More stares.

Valerie wants to buy me one of those foam mattress pads to make the bed more comfortable. The only queen sized pads are all the way at the top of this bin. I climb up the bin and after a few minutes of reaching down, i finally grab it. I climb down and we go to the next aisle, where there is a huge stack of queen mattress pads at eye level. *sigh*

We finally get in line and there are a assload of people in front of us. I sit down on the floor in the middle of the line and start text msging people out of boredom. I then start hugging her and kissing her. Valerie gets a little weirded out when i undo her belt. She slaps me and rebuckles it. She says “I feel like your raping me when you kiss me in walmart”. I respond “Thats why i do it” and procede to ask her “where her parents were, little girl”. A old asian lady in front of us moves her cart up and tries to ignore us. Now that i know i have a audience that doesn’t like me, i kick it up even more by asking Valerie which one of the 16 year olds in the line ahead of us looks the hottest.

I need to get valerie something nice for valentines day.

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