i need your help, all of yours

Okay, my birthday is on the 29th of June….15 days from now……

Now i’m like everyone else….i like my birthday, big party, lots of alcohol and craziness. I also like to have sex on my birthday, just like everyone else. The problem is im completely inept at attracting members of the opposite sex. As of right now i have a few large women, a tranny or two and probably 1-2 gay guys that would love to get in between the sheets with me.

None of which sound very appealing.

The solution:

My friend Candie said she’ll be down for drunken dirty sex if i buy her a plane ticket from California. I need your help to get the $400 for the plane ticket.

Now i’m sure you’re saying “this girl better be hot or else i’m not giving up a dime.

Her Flicker account kinda speaks for itself.

Anyway, if you’ve had a good week and you don’t want toad to fuck a tranny or a fat girl, give up a few dollars? Please paypal anything to jesus@crackhore.com 🙂

SEK:

so sek is on his way out to collierville today to put a flower on his girlfriend julies window as a supprise because, well, actually i dont know why, sek is straight gangsta and doesn’t do shit like that, she must have him whooped.  anyway…  hes ballin down bill morris when he notices a crackhore sticker on a a girls car, he slows and tries to see if she looks familiar…..


ToAd:

Im chilling leet style at Reginallas on Magazine and sek rolls deep into my phone. I answer and he says he just saw a Ford swerving out in Collerville with a crackhore sticker on it’s gas cap. I know excactly who this is. I tell sek imma call him back in a few and call amanda. Amanda looks to her left and sek is doing this weird serial killer 4 finger wave to her. She says “yeah he’s waving at me, this is really creepy.”.

I call sek back and he’s like “yah dude, u can’t escape crackhore!!!”. I agree.

This is a good example of umm, don’t take stuff from toad or else weird motherfuckers are gonna wave at your ass on the interstate? shit i dunno…

hail satan

at least this made my day, might not make yours

Memphis: A Dying City, America: A Crumbling Nation


Written by Frank

This is going to be rambling but fuck it. It’s just the thoughts that come into my mind when I go around the city.
I came back to Memphis January 2, 2005. I had been back to visit a few times since 2000, but I didn’t pay too much attention and only saw a few parts of the city. Since January 2 2005, I have had the fortune to be in a bubble, living next to the University of Memphis and working downtown near the Peabody. I didn’t have to drive through Frayser, South Memphis, Raliegh, or Hickory Hill. But I got a new job that takes me around the city and into the surrounding counties. I now see how poor and decrepit our city has become. Perhaps people don’t realize how bad the city is falling apart. The Poplar corridor, Walnut Grove, HWY 385, Interstate 55 into Desoto county, and Interstate 40 to Fayette County offer commuters a way into the city to earn a living without having to see much of the decline. But even on those roads the signs of decay can be seen. Certainly, driving back and forth the same route of everyday can numb us, but take a good look. How many subpar apartment complexes and crumbling neighborhoods are hidden behind curtains of trees line the interstates? How many closed warehouses, factories, and retail stores can be seen if you really pay attention? Hell, how little maintenance of the roads and medians is done by the city? Overgrown weeds, trash, and debris line the roads. You want a real shock. Get off the south leg of I-240 at Lamar and drive all the way to downtown. If you are not sickened that such a long stretch of American city can exist in such a state, than you are a poor excuse for a human being and a citizen. But don’t end your tour on Lamar, you still have Frayser Boulevard, Chelsea, Third, Danny Thomas, Trigg, Weaverly, Tillman, Austin Peay, half of Park Avenue, most of Jackson, and any road named after a state. If you don’t know where these streets are, look at a map, and go take a drive. Remind yourself of just how much of this city is buried under grinding poverty.

Yet a few minutes away, are the aforementioned 8 lane highways or as I like to think of them, gaint tape worms sucking the life out of the city. These are asphalt enabling mechanisms of outsourcers. Yes outsourcers. Perhaps you are one of these 88,000 people who live outside Memphis and Shelby County but work here. Only 1 in 3 employed adults in Desoto County actually work there. I wonder if you outsourcers ever experience a shadow of guilt. Making a living off the city but not contributing whether it is tax dollars or civic participation. Do you know in the deep recesses of your mind that your outsourced living is really no different from a company moving a factory to China? (But that’s a whole nother discussion.) I’m starting to feel a shadow of guilt myself. I sometimes think, “I’ve got to get the fuck out of this city. There’s no hope. The politics are so corrupt, the rich so powerfully entrenched, and poor so numerous that nothing can be done to stop the decline.” So I will most likely someday rationalize away my own escape from Memphis. Proving I have the luxury of mobility and no better moral integrity than some ex-Shelby Countian asshole mortgaged up to their eyeballs, driving an SUV, and going to a mega church off Goodman road.

Who is to blame though? There certainly is enough to go around. The city council and County Commission deserve their fair share of blame. There members have been on the council and commission for years. 9 years on average for the council. (I dont have much faith in the majority of new people elected the commission. ) The council and commission went along to get along, so they have blood on their hands. How about the economic elites of the city? Most certainly, theyve done well rigging government policy for their benefit. Many try to assuage their guilt by giving generously to nonprofits. Memphis has one of the highest rates of nonprofit organizations in relation to general population in the nation. Its nice that their noblisse oblige is funding good works, but there is a by product to this. Having a million nonprofits fractures a possible progressive political front concerned with addressing poverty in a comprehensive way. Having nonprofits fight each other for funding keeps them from organizing on issues like tax reform and government policy. Is it really a surprise that Fred Smith gives generously to nonprofits with one hand, while serving as a board member and donor to the CATO Institute on the other? Concentrating wealth in a few hands in order for them to dole it out in whatever way they fancy later. That just sounds fucked up and it is fucked up. How about Herenton? Oh Herenton, if he was a mayor in Romania, the citizens would have chased him out of town with torches and pitchforks like Frankenstein. I will give him props though, that boxing match bullshit is a stroke of genius. It solidifies his base of support while driving down the overall vote. People who would have possibly voted against him have even more justification to believe that the mayor is crazy and the political system is beyond repair. So why even bother to vote, just move to South Haven. But the most disappointing politician is AC Wharton. Who else has so much political capital but doesnt do anything with it but cut deals with republicans in order to not shake up the system. AC is talented though, has any elected official overseen the median family income of his county decline from $43,000 to $41,000 and debt go through the roof, yet still gets 95+% of vote in the Democratic primary? Amazing. The benefits of having Herenton to stand next too.

Perhaps the most disheartening part of Memphis crumbling under poverty is the indifference. People dont give a fuck. Or even worse, assume that is just the way it is. I may offend some people I know who think downtown is great, but is it really worth getting all excited about 5 blocks of South Main being turned into goddamn art galleries and coffee shops, when over 5 miles of Lamar looks like Beruit circa 1982. I have been a lot of places around the world and outside of underdeveloped countries I have never seen such a tolerance to huge sections of cities being dilapidated. Its not like this in Spain, Germany, France, Ireland, Japan, New Zealand, Sweden, Norway, the Netherlands or Belgium. Hell, it isnt like this in Canada. There is no such thing as the common good anymore. (I guess aside from debt, that is the lasting accomplishment of Milton Friedman and Republicans.) No matter what you tell yourself to the contrary, America is not a good, just, or equitable society. You and I are part of and responsible for a failure affecting too many of our fellow citizens. We have no excuse. America is the wealthiest country in the world. We are 4% of the worlds population yet consume 25% of the earths resources. But some how huge sections of our urban and rural areas, especially Memphis, are in decline. In 1975, America was number one on the human development index, by 2002 we were number 8. All I ask is that when you drive around the city, open your eyes, pay attention to what you see, and ask why does it have to be this way when it doesnt need to be.

Jack Daniels

I get pretty mean on Jack. I lost my whiskey virginity to mr daniels and will always hold a special spot in my heart for him. We still hangout occasionally but everytime we meet up, i just get memories of our relationship we had on Whiskey Wednesday for so many years….and i dunno.

It’s bad to fuck ex’s.

Photoshops

Im standing outside in my backyard around 9pm, decked out in hawaiian and camo(like i even had to say it), peeing next to marla, who is also peeing. If any artists are reading this site, i will pay $50 if you can make me a nice painting of this. Thanks in advance.

First we have Gately’s wonderful umm well….hmmm

gatelytoadpeeing1.gif

Next up, we have Amanda’s. Good job, Amanda, think you’re in the lead now.

amandatoadpeeing1.gif

why take home a fat ugly chick when you bring home a hot sexy tranny

i mean seriously.

is it worse then bringing home a fat chick? come on. at least he looks like a girl instead of the blimp you’re fucking. at least a hot ass tranny looks like a girl. I mean, is it less worse then a fat girl? Hot tranny or ugly fat chick. Come on. I dunno, i mean i think it’s gay to fuck fat girls. If it’s some guy that looks like a really hot chick, have a few drinks and bam, you’re not sleeping with a fat chick.

I don’t want to feel like im stepping over a line on this but i mean just think this out. I’ve had this conversation with Peter and well…everyone lately but what really is more “gay”. Fucking a really huge blimp or taking home a hot ass tranny. Like are you that straight that you’ll spread some huge waves of cellulite and stretch marks just to get to some fat chick’s mating hole? Yeah dude, just fuck that fuck fat chick.

In the great words of Chris Rock….I’m not saying i’d kill the bitch, but i understand.

I’m not saying im going to start fucking trannies…. but i understand.

If there is one thing MySpace has taught me is there are a lot of fucking hot ass trannies.

I’m just saying i understand.

That’s it.

Okay?

Stop looking at me.