my weekend of couchs

okay here’s my memorial day weekend and it’s only monday 5:51 am……i went to a really strange house party….like really nice house….full of people i don’t know…..i know rod and josh and if you know they are then we’ll you know kinda weird and strange this is. We come back to Rod’s house which is next to the house party and melissa is there and drunk as shit. she wants to come into rod’s house. rod tells her over and over that she just needs to leave because she’s drunk and probably wants to fuck….well anyone.

it’s 3am and it’s been after a pretty hardcore house party so we’re drinking and smoking, listening to music. she starts knocking on the door. and keeps knocking. and knocking. it starts getting scary cuz none don’t want her to freak and call the police. bitches are crazy.

we start laying down money betting. No way she’s gonna knock till 3:30. Goddamn it, here’s $5. No way she’ll make it to 4. Goddamn it, here’s my last $5. Her knuckles must have been a bloody pulp. Around 4:30 she’s still knocking. Josh and i really don’t to see her and really need to leave and go pass out.  It feels like a zombie movie, she just doesn’t stop knocking. Josh and i try to go out the back door but the door is fucked. No key.

We go fuck it. i think hood for the smoke and we just run out the door. i got my knife in right hand and keys in the left. i dukes of hazard over the hood of max and start the engine. thank god it starts. josh jumps in. since it’s memorial day i grab a bottle of listerine i happen to have in max and take a swig. im swishing it around in my mouth and josh goes “maybe a blowjob from the local cum dumpster might have been a good ending”. This just hits a nerve in my head and i spit up listerine all over the steering wheel and dash of max.

i get back to josh’s house and pass out. he wakes me up at 12:30 when he has to go to work and i stumble out. I come home and go back to sleep, drive to eric’s for a beer. i hangout for a bit and drive to shane and hope’s. they give me 2 xanax and the best chicken ive ever ate. seriously.

i decide to drive back to memphis. i don’t remember any of this drive. apparently i made it back to eric’s party. i don’t remember who is there. i remember this amazing cheeseburger i warmed up which was probably the best cheeseburger ive ever had. like this thing was like jesus on a bun.

the 2 xanax get on top of me and i can’t really type around the rest of the update, going to have to depend on commnts for the rest of this update. Sorry for anything i might have said but besides the nap i had at the other couch, i had been up way too long. and xanax. i sleep.
i woke up quick, at about 5am, just thought i had to be my apartment soon. im in eric and mary’s apartment. they lock their front door and i don’t even want to try to figure out which key does the door and i don’t want to use their keys to lock them in since…wait thats in impossible.

i grab 2 beers from the fridge, drop them into the cargo pants and go outside.

what would jack baur do.

okay i can’t get out the front door so the backdoor is the best option. I walk outside, jump eric’s fence. great in im someone elses parking lot. I jump another fence, this time falling. laying in the grass i laugh because i could just imagine my camera crew behind me like “lol did you get that?”. I stumble to max, he starts, wow,

i drink the first beer and then the 2nd when i get home. 6am. It’s time for the computer, i make a new drink called the zariel, based on the great woman ever, rachel. It consists of room temp vodka and a popsicle. This works people. The stick even stirs up the vodka with the popsicle and….god….it worked out great based on the grammer and spellling mistakes of this update.

so i guess im going to sleep…or walking to circle to buy beer……or take sleeping pills, turn off my phone, lay in my bathtub and cut myself until the websites and pain go away.

i really hoped i closed mary and eric’s back door when i left. “sorry i let your cats outs, lets never talk again, sorry bye” *click*