Author: Scoutmastertoad

so funny

mmmm monday morning, back in front of the computers where my frail body belongs….i helped brandon move this weekend and got a real wakeup call at how much exercise needs to be a regular part of my life again….

the futon was heavy…the bookcases were pretty heavy…the speaker was heavy too…the fish tank was the best part tho. We carried his huge fishtank, with a huge catfish named Killer in the bottom with about a foot of water left. I just stared wondering what it must be like to have your universe just being sucked through a tube. Brandon asks me what i think it would be like if i was driving home and a huge tube came down from the sky and started sucking up the universe.

brandon always likes to give me these doggy bags of fucked up shit to think of on the drive home.

We get the tank over to the new apartment, we both heave a sigh of relief, since neither the futon or the bookcase was actually alive. Or maybe the sigh of relief was just cuz it was really heavy…..

i have so many fucking shirts and stickers. I need more orders.

come on.

it’s a shirt that says CRACKHORE.COM on it. Big black letters. The people that i’ve given them to msg me and tell me how fucked up it is to wear it.

come on.

please.

if you don’t do it for the shirt, do it for me.

i got a email from jeffrey zeldman today about how much he would charge at a design conference im thinking about throwing together. He wants a lot more then i have.

It’s a pretty big sum of money and i keep wondering, what am i gonna get out of it. Will you dance, do you know any songs? If i left you crash on my couch will the cost of getting you to speak be any lower? Hmmm, im afraid to reply heh

uh oh…woke up with ian saying “my flight gets in 8 hours, don’t get high and forget”. I ask him if i can get high and remember. He doesn’t think it’s funny.

What is funny is that i have 8 hours to clean the entire apartment. It looks like my downtown office exploded in the living room with all the cables, lamps, computer equipment and other crap that was “work related”.

Going to be a long day.

SCOUTmasterTOAD: i made them listen to the headbustaz on the way to the airport to give them one last taste of Memphis before they got on the plane
SCOUTmasterTOAD: after i die in a few weeks my parents are going to sell my site to alcoholic’s anonymous and they’ll package it in some book

all work and no play makes toad a dull boy
all work and no play makes toad a dull boy
all work and no play makes toad a dull boy
all work and no play makes toad a dull boy
all work and no play makes toad a dull boy
all work and no play makes toad a dull boy
all work and no play makes toad a dull boy
all work and no play makes toad a dull boy

hmm i think last night was the first time i drove to pick a girl up for the exclusive reason to go out drinking…goddamn computers…why do i feel awkward about calling girls on the phone…never talking to them on aim…then meeting them again….goddamn computers….thank god for alcohol….

man i need to write a fucking book on how to not date girls. I met this girl 2 times randomly at different bars and finally got her number. I call her last night and tell her me and a few friends. I hate calling girls, used to the comfortable interface of aim, but she actually remembers who i am and accepts my invitation to go out.

I drive Ian to work and he asks me where i’m taking her. I giggle and he drops it. He asks again, where i’m taking her, i giggle out of control again. He goes “well, i guess i’ll read about it on the site”.

On the way to pick her up, my dad calls and asks what i’m doing. I say im on my way to pick up a girl for karoake. He warns against the scenario and i laugh and say it’ll be okay.

It must suck knowing you’ll never be a grandfather.

Since it’s a Wednesday, i take her on my normal Wednesday warpath. I drive out to pick her up in Germantown, stopping to pound a 32oz of Natural Light, and then find her apartment. I get there early, chewing gum to kill that terrible smell of shit beer and we drive back to midtown.

Cut to Neils, the mother of all fucked up bars. I help Scarlett to the table since she’s on crutches after falling down a elevator shaft. She’s really sick of telling the story. I would be too.

I grab the karoake book, sing Lucky Star and sit back down. It was a great performance, Madonna would be proud. A bunch of Crown and Cokes later, i’m back on stage screaming Sister Christian. It was great, i love that song.

We go to Alex’s for more beer and food, Scarlett rides with Angie, i’m pretty sure they talk about me, we drink more and i drive her home.

Lessons learned? Karoake is not a good dating technique but beer is?

miami update in the bitter ranting section…think i left out a few minor funny things but that happens when you spend 6 days drinking….