Author: Scoutmastertoad

this is the 2nd night in a row that is ending with jack and cokes….like every morning the lesson of “beer before liquor, never sicker” is beat into my head.

well, that just goes to show you that even your own memory or updates can fool you…

been regretting those 2 jack and cokes at 2am this morning all fucking day……

gawd, spent martin luther king day talking to white people about websites for white people, drinking, listening to rap and talking on aim to more white people.

You know they went after King
When he spoke out on Vietnam
He turned the power to the have-nots
And then came the shot

yet another memphis has going for it. Only in Memphis will you hear people refer MLK day to James Earl Ray Day. haha

scoutmastertoad: it’s kinky, trust me haha
bjorktress: ain’t NO way any of that’s gonna happen
scoutmastertoad: 🙁
bjorktress: you won’t eve have a threesome with us hahahaha
bjorktress: you PRUDE
scoutmastertoad: 🙁

holy shit, for those of you who didn’t see Oz last night, Kareem Said got mad owned. He was getting ready to talk to this reporter and he just whips out this hand cannon and puts 2 in Kareem’s chest.

After it happened Wes’s phone instantly rang and i said “Someone’s calling to tell you Kareem got shot”. As soon as he answers his phone he goes “yeah i saw it, yeah it was fucked up” and everyone in the room laughs.

RIP Kareem

Last night i was talking to my darling friend Jenn and watching a DVD, normal saturday night. I was bitching to Jenn because i was tired of answering the phone and it being for Ian. Seriously, he has girls calling at 11:30am for him. I can count on one hand how many times ive seen ian up before 11:30.

The phone rings. It’s Jenn. In her cute little LA girl accent she asks if toad is there. I respond. Guess the phone always isn’t for me. Just took a aim window to prove it to me.

Can’t decide if that’s better.

Anyway, we talk for a bit and i hand the phone to ian. After a few minutes ian says “yeah i know he sounds gay on the phone”. Look, i may sound gay, look gay, have pretty gay music tastes but i can gurantee you that at least one of my aim windows is about me and heterosexual sex. Let it go…

god, i’m checking my voicemail after sleeping for 14 hours and i have a voicemail. Sara from Origins in the Oak Court Mall had called to tell me that she had drawn my name out of a fish bowl. Origins is kinda of a expensive soap and bath store, i felt really strange the whole time i was there. I got dragged in there with a friend buying a christmas present for her mom. I always drop my card in those things, it’s finally paid off.

I have to listen to the message twice because i think that i won a “happy hour” and i instantly think alcohol. But when i listened to it again she said health after happy. Instead it’s more of a seminar on skin care. She mentions learning about how to care for our individual skin type and i’m on the floor laughing.

She asks me to call her to pick a date when we can set this up.

I intend to.

GD VICE LORDS, KILLA’S, DRUG DEALERS!!

It was a normal saturday afternooon in the apartment. The dog was asleep in the pink couch, i was relaxed in front of the computers, probably engaged in a email. The phone rings, I answer it, it's Ian's mom. I wake him up after she asks me to, give him the phone and go back to the computer. Ian leaves his room a few seconds later, pushing out a dolly that we used to move stuff.

I wander back to the computer and continue to chat unaware at the danger i was in. Winamp, Pink Floyd and a joint later i'm enjoying my Saturday afternoon quite well. Many Saturdays have been spent like this and many more will probably follow. Complete peace and solitude.

I hear a truck pull up.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. It's Ian's dad. Now you have to take a second and imagine our roughly decorated apartment, usually fairly messy as it is, now has a huge cloud of marijuana smoke lingering in the ceiling.

Now use your imagination to imagine Ian's dad. I've talked to Ian's dad several hundred times while high, no big deal. Only problem is he's a drug and alcohol counselor and i'm well, you can see the conflict here.

I scream, and grab the dolly and start to roll the dolly out to him. If i just smell like it maybe it won't be blatantly obvious. Oh shit, he's getting out of the truck and pulling out a huge box, and now he's walking to the front door.

I ball out of the apartment rolling this dolly and greet him. He keeps walking with the box. I sigh and open the door for him.

He steps inside and Dark Side Of The Moon is starting to come to a end.

All you create, and all you destroy…

He laughs and sets the box down.

So Toad, how ya doing?

*cough* I'm doing okay…..

He walks out, I close the door, sit back at the computer and start to laugh. I kept waiting for Ian's dad, complete with a DEA bullet proof vest, to come kicking in the door screaming for me to put my hands up. Ugh it took me a day to tell Ian.

great… fuckin wonderful….

since i got a lot of feedback about my non orthodox showering methods, i figured i should update you it’s status. Yesterday Ian bought 4 bars of Lever 2000, for Ian and me’s combined bodyparts of 4,000.

Now that i’ve gotten my daily morning routine of the dugout and Tori, it’s time to go fix my cellphone….